He remembered her face, her joy that she would share with him at every moment. Her smile. Her determination to do everything right, to make it accepted. When he held her hand, everything was right, everything was bright. Nothing could, and would faze him from fulfilling what he needed to do. The last part of him was filled when she came into his life, and his life was deemed lived to its fullest when he finally married her. He had married the woman that he would, willingly, spend the rest of his life with. He did his best never to make her unhappy, to make her upset at anything. He tried his best to make her smile just for him, that smile that would lighten up even the furthest corners of his mind.
He also remembered her death. Her death was a long time ago, but every moment that he had spent with her, he could remember it like it just happened yesterday, that it just happened, at that moment at that time. She had died in the spring, a chilly spring morning, where winter still clung to the cold chill of early spring, when the snow had stopped but the air was still cold. The first plum flower had not bloomed. Oh how she loved those flowers so. Such that even from her room, the trees could be seen.
She was only his for 5 years…but that didn't matter anymore now did it? She was his – that was all that mattered. He had spent the most fulfilling 5 years of his life with her, and that was all that mattered. She would always live in his memory, and nobody, nothing would take her place. Even at the very end, when she was still desperately clinging onto her last breath, she wished him the best, she told him of her wishes. He remembered holding her hand, begging her silently not to leave him. His hand enveloped his, hers so cold, and his so warm. He remembered her last words to him…his name. He remembered that she was sorry for not being able to requite the love that he held for her, and that she was apologizing for being selfish. When her last sentence reached his ears…she was dead.
It was ironic – that the general should live and that the person that he holds the most dearly - his wife - should die before he did. He remembered that as soon as she passed on, his head hung low, her hand went limp. The grief sunk in fast and hard, striking where it hurt most. His heart. He would never see her again…she had to leave him. Being a high-ranking noble, he could command the armies, he could command the mountains to be moved, and the seas to be red if he so wished. He was capable of great things, almost like a god, and yet he, a god, could not even save the life of one person, the only one that ever mattered to him.
He watched her eyes turn from teary to lifeless, and closed her eyes for her. Now she would rest in peace. The cold wind wracked at his frozen heart inside…and it would stay there. His heart ached; every muscle was pulling. He couldn't breathe. Pearls rolled down his face, the winds running through him. The pain was a heavy load, but he would bear with it. She wouldn't come back, but he would bear with it. She would not share her joy with him anymore, but he would bear with it.
She would not smile for him anymore…but he would bear with it.
"Byakuya-sama…"
