SugarQueen?
This is a fan fiction. I do not own Avatar: the Last Airbender.
This is definitely NOT a sequel, prequel, side story, foreshadowing, or anything else, of any of my other stuff.
Warning: Very OOC. Contains implications, intoxications, mind alterations, awkward situations, etc. etc.
I'm trying to be funny, here...not offensive...honest...swear to God...
It
was a warm summer's day, and the entire group had just finished one
of the best lunches they've had in months. A savory
vegetable stew, followed by juicy, ripe fruit had put everyone in a
really good mood. That morning had been spent in
earthbending practice, with Aang, Toph, and Haru tossing boulders
around. Then there was some light waterbending practice
for Katara and Aang, while everyone else headed back to the temple
baths (the fruit wasn't the only thing getting ripe)
Now,
it was time to decide how to spend the rest of the day. Katara
looked over at Aang and said, "I suppose you and Zuko had better
go practice firebending." Aang looked a little
reluctant, but she knew how to fix that. "I can't
wait to hear about you mastering a new move." She
smiled demurely. Aang nearly pulled Zuko's arm out of its
socket trying to get him to his feet. Now Zuko looked
hesitant. "I know Zuko's got some great moves to
teach you!" She beamed a smile at them both. Aang
started crashing through the brush to get to the clearing for
practice, but Zuko looked back at Katara with a hopeful glance. The
smile was gone, replaced by a look of unabashed hatred. Katara
made a "V" with her pointer and middle fingers, pointed
them at her eyes, then at Zuko's. When she took her thumb
and drew a slash across her throat, Zuko got the hint and nervously
called after the Avatar. "A-Aang? Buddy? Pal? Wait
for me!" and he too, was gone.
Turning
toward her brother, she asked, "Sokka, would you go and find
some more fruit for us? We're kinda low."
"Awww,"
Sokka began, "Do I have to?" 'What a whiner!'
thought Katara.
"You might be
able to KILL some-thinnnng..."she sing-songed.
"Oh,
okay then." he replied. Katara thought, 'Hmmm,
better occupy BOTH of his brain cells...'
"Oh,
Toph?" she called, "Would you go with
Sokka?"
"Katara! I
can pick fruit all by myself!" the boy
whined.
"Yeah, Sugar
Queen. Even Meat-head can do that."
"But,
brother dear, there are platypusbears, skunkweasels,
and...um...wolfrats out there. You'll need a
lookout!"
"I've never
heard of a wolfrat..." puzzled Sokka.
"And
you! Toph! I hope it's not too much of a bother
for YOU to BE ALONE with SOKKA for a FEW HOURS on a nice, warm, dare
I say, ROMANTIC, afternoon?" Toph may be blind, but
she wasn't deaf. The earthbender soon had Sokka in a
gentle headlock, leading him out of camp. "Stop
squirming, Pretty-boy, or I'll use the sleeper hold." she
growled lovingly.
There were just a
few more chores to do, and Katara had the perfect
solution.
"Oh. I am
so tired. Lunch has made me sleepy." Katara
began to stretch, arching her back while putting her hands behind her
head in order to tousle her hair. Then she straightened so
she could start doing some toe-touches. She could almost
feel the stare coming from a shadowed alcove in the temple. 'Time
to reel him in.' she thought. She straightened again, this
time reaching up to the sky with both her hands. As she
brought them down, she let a bare shoulder slip out of the neckline
of her tunic. "Oh. My." she said as
she blushed and looked over her shoulder, her lips brushing against
bare skin. "Why, Haru. I did not see you
standing there," she said sweetly, "I hope you weren't
bothered by my...exertions?"
"Duuuuuhhhhh,..."
gurgled a slack-jawed Haru. His tongue was practically
hanging out the side of his mouth.
"Can
you DO ME...a favor?" Katara
asked.
"Hwaaaaaa...Duuuuhhh..." he
answered.
"Good. I
need you, Teo, and the Duke, to give the dishes a good
cleaning. Then all the bedrolls and blankets need to be
aired out and SPANKED clean. Is that something you
can...handle?" she breathed.
"Gaaaahhh..." was
all he could manage in reply.
"Oh,
thank you! Remind me to do something to you...tee-hee I
mean FOR you, sometime." The pile of dishes
disappeared. They re-appeared, along with every scrap of
loose cloth, piled onto Teo's wheelchair. Teo was mumbling
something from under the load, and the Duke was slung over Haru's
shoulder as he pushed the wheelchair at breakneck
speed.
"Finally!" Katara
exhaled. The place was hers, at least for a few
hours. She ran to her room to find her "secret
stash". Katara smirked to herself as she pulled out a
leather scroll-case. Her super-secret hiding place was the
bag she used to keep her "feminine" hygenic items. NONE
of the boys would DARE look inside. As for Toph, she
couldn't read and had no use for scrolls. Popping off the
top of the case marked "waterbending scrolls", Katara tried
to choose between "Hot Guys of the Fire Nation" and
"Earthbenders Rock Your World". As she perused,
she absent-mindedly took out her oasis water vial. Everyone
assumed it held the last few precious drops of the magical
liquid. Actually, it was finely distilled, 90 proof cactus
juice. Taking a swig, Katara nearly choked and gagged
before rasping out, "Ohhh...the good stuff!" She
liked this "Cactus Daniels" better than that "Southern
Water Tribe Comfort" crap.
She
plopped down heavily, and sat in a most unladylike manner. After
a hearty scratch, she reached into her bag and drew out a huge chunk
of dried beef jerky. Chewing noisily and drinking
occasionally, she happily scanned the pictures of bender
boytoys. 'Fireboys have the sexiest, most cut,
bodies...but they always come up short where it counts.' she
pondered, 'Now, eartbender guys are pretty...solid. But
ugh all that hair, all over the place! Waterboys
are "meh"--not too extreme either way.' She had
heard the rumors and whispered tales of the airbenders; their skills,
their stamina, their amazingly long...time they can hold their
breath. 'I might want to keep an eye on Aang.' she
noted.
Shifting her weight, Katara
let one rip, loud and long. Gagging and waving her hands,
she said, "I better burn something to cover that." She
upended the scroll case, and a small pouch dropped out. Giggling,
she opened the pouch, taking out a square piece of paper, and some
dried leaves. After rolling the leaves in the paper, she
struck a match and took a long drag. 'This Gaoling
homegrown is almost as good as that Ba Sing Sensamiilian.' she
remarked as she inhaled. Thick, curly, plumes of smoke
rose in the air, and soon, Katara was completely baked. Having
just enough sense to stub out her doob, she saved the roach and then
passed out.
It was hours later, when
the sounds of the returning members of the group woke her. She
quickly hid her stash, and ran out to see Haru and the two younger
boys coming back with the dishes and linens. They
dropped off the cookware, then went inside to return all the
bedrolls. Katara speedily fanned the coals in the cooking
fire to flames. She grabbed a big pot and waterbent it
full. Then she reached under a loose rock tile for a bag
of dried vegetables and herbs and dumped it into the
pot.
Hearing a commotion to her
left, she saw her brother and Toph returning with a bushel of
fruit. Sokka was a mess; his hair was mussed, his clothes
were disheveled, he had bruises on his body, and was shaking. He
wore a terrified look on his face, and never lifted his gaze from the
ground. Toph tried to kiss his cheek, but Sokka flinched
and whimpered. "Oh, grow up! You know you
liked it!" she said, and took the bushel from his
grasp. Sokka ran into the temple, cryng.
"Men!" Toph
exclaimed, "Am I right?"
"Um,
sure...Toph." Katara said, uneasily. She
was rescued from further discussion by footsteps from the path
outside the temple. Zuko strode in. His clothes
were scorched, and smoking, and half of his hair was burnt off. He
stood there, trembling with rage, as Aang came running up.
"I
SAID I was sorry!" he insisted.
"Hey." Toph
piped up, "something smells good. What's
cooking?"
"Yeah,"
agreed Aang,"I definitely smell some kind of herb."
No
one ever knew why Katara laughed until tears rolled down her face.
