Mary Sue skipped merrily down the hallways towards the Great Hall. She was late for the beginning of the year feast, for she had been helping a helpless kitten who had fallen into the lake. Neville Longbottom had also fallen into the river, but the kitten was much more important. As she neared the doors, Mary Sue could already hear the beginning of the year speech, given, as always, by Professor Dumbledore. Mary opened the large oak doors, interrupting Professor Dumbledore.
"And- oh, Mary Sue, so good to see you." Dumbledore said. All of the heads in the Great Hall turned to look at her. Scattered 'wow!'s and 'ooh's were said here and there, but it wasn't like Mary wasn't used to people awing at her beautiful golden locks that bounced whenever she walked and always miraculously stayed brushed hair, sparkling blue eyes, perfect high cheekbones, beautiful creamy skin, light and neat freckles, ruby lips, voice that sounded like an angel, brilliantly white teeth, perfect nose, perfect eyebrows, and her overall perfect appearance. To Mary Sue, it was just another day.
"Hello Professor Dumbledore. I'm so sorry that I'm late." Mary began. "I was helping a helpless kitten who had fallen into the river. I named her buttercup!"
"Ah, very good Ms. Sue. I'm assuming that you also helped Mr. Longbottom, too?" Dumbledore replied, impressed.
Mary Sue gave a little giggle as she nodded.
"No she did not!" Neville argued, still sopping wet.
"Shut up!" The students screamed at him.
"Well, as always, it's time for the sorting of the First years!" Dumbledore announced. "We usually go in alphabetical order, but since Mary Sue is so awesome, we'll just let her go first."
Mary Sue smiled as she flounced up to the front, knocking Neville over as she went. Just as she was sitting down, Professor McGonagall screamed, "STOP!"
Mary Sue looked over at her.
"You deserve more than this, Mary Sue." McGonagall said. "Wait here while I get you a throne and the golden sorting hat!" And with that, McGonagall left the Great Hall.
"While we wait, who wants to hear me sing?" Mary Sue asked. Every hand in the Great Hall went up, except for of course Neville Longbottom.
"My name is Mary Sue
I do not like glue,
It gets in my hair,
It gets everywhere.
I love kitties,
Kitties love me,
If you harm a kitty,
I'll punch you in the teeth!
Mary Sue's are awesome,
Don't you agree?
I love me,
And so does everybody!"
A roar of applause arose from the Great Hall. Mary Sue bowed as people threw roses at her. She ended up singing her song five more times before McGonagall came back in with the throne and golden sorting hat.
"Now, we are ready to begin! Mary Sue, if you would sit on the throne."
Mary Sue sat on the chair.
Ahh, Mary Sue! I've heard much about you! The sorting hat said. And since you're soooo special, I'll let all of the students hear what I'm telling you! Now, I can see that you're brave, really brave, and courteous, a very good Gryffindor. But you're also smart and witty, an excellent Ravenclaw. On the other hand, you are extremely loyal, making you a good Hufflepuff. As for Slytherin, you're very cunning, but you're anything but evil or mean. This is the toughest placement that I've EVER seen. Please let it be something perfect, Mary Sue thought. Something perfect, eh? Well, if you're sure, better be GRYFFINDOR!
A roar of applause and screams arose from the Gryffindor table. Mary Sue screamed with happiness and giggled as she ran into the group of kids, as happy as a girl could be.
