It had all gone to . . Finn kissed Chloe at the rave. HE KISSED CHLOE! Stupid trampy Chloe. I can't believe I even thought I had a chance. I mean I actually thought we had something, he actually liked me. I got home feeling like a dogs arse after drinking so much, god if mum knew I'd taken a tablet from chop I'd never hear the end of it. She doesn't even know I'm off the loony tablets. Just as I was making my second cup of tea the phone rang. Tix. Oh God Tix. This is where the shit started again, and it's just the beginning.

I couldn't stand watching Tix lying there looking so small and fragile. She was fading away and it was all my fault. She was always there for me in the mad house and I let her down. "She's going to be okay Rae, you know that ?" I looked at Kester, tears streaming up once again in my already puffy eyes. "You don't know that you're just trying to make me feel better. You know as well as I do this is my fault I don't want to hear it!" "This isn't your fault Rae, Tix had been missing her meals for several days." He was trying to reassure me with his bulshit. "I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AND I WASN'T!" I screamed at him, frustrated. Why didn't he see. Always trying to see the effing positive side of everything. "I can't do this" I walked as fast as I could out of the hospital room, taking a brief glance back at Tix as I went. I can't see her like this its tearing me up inside. All because of my bloody lust. I wanted Finn so much. The rave. Oh god the rave. Kester soon appeared in front of me. I don't know how long he'd been stood there, being so absorbed in my mind. "Rae, she needs you. Look, I know our last session didn't end so well but you have to listen to me Rae. Tix needs you. You can't run from this." I didn't reply, I ran.

I couldn't go home. I knew by know Kester would have rang my mum to check I was there, if he hadn't already rang to tell her about Tix already. She would be on the lookout for my big fat breakdown mental case Rae moment again. It was her special day today, if only she knew what a big liar Kareem really was. Oh why is everything so fucked up. After buying four family size Swiss rolls I sat in the park, downing handfuls of cake. I didn't know what to do. The feelings were coming back again. I couldn't go round Finn's, him and Chloe were probably having sex by now. I had to go home. Mum wasn't there when I got home, she had probably left with Kareem already. My dress still hung in the doorway. I pushed past it on the way to the pantry when I spotted the sideboard cupboard. Alcohol. That's what I needed. Forget Tea, today alcohol will make everything better. Four packets of jammy dodgers, eight wagon wheels and way too much cheap vodka later, mum found me sprawled out on the living room floor and panicked.

I woke up in hospital. My head hurt. I could hear mum talking to someone. "Me and Kareem have been so worried about her. She doesn't do anything to help herself our Rae. I think she was trying to kill herself again." Oh fuck. Drowning my sorrows more like. I closed my eyes again quickly. If I opened my eyes the questions would start. They probably think I've gone mad again. Girls get drunk every weekend but when I do it's a big drama. I couldn't stay here. What if Chloe, or worse, Finn turned up and saw me lying here like a beached whale wearing a white two person tent with holes at the back. I'd be on forced sessions with Kester if mum got her way, I need to get out of here.