Work the Room
The locker rooms at the arena the Demon World Tournament was held in were basic even when held in comparison to those Yusuke remembered from school, but the dark, open, shared facilities were generally not an issue, as most of those using the facilities kept their heads down and just got on with whatever they were doing. And because most of those around Yusuke were keeping their heads down and just getting on with whatever it was they were doing – because Yusuke, just like the others around him, was keeping his head down and not watching whatever anyone else might be doing – the arrival of someone very obviously looking around at what everyone else was doing instantly caused unrest in the locker room.
At first Yusuke threw a sly glance over his shoulder at the source of the distraction so many others in the locker room were already turning towards: but the second his eyes landed on the interruption, he turned fully around with a withering look. Pressed against the far wall, creeping along like the wannabe actor in a grade school rendition of The Pink Panther was an appropriately pink-clad woman, conspicuous as much for her choice of outfit as she was for her ridiculous behaviour or even the fact that she – a woman – was feeling her way into the male locker room. Yusuke watched her, through heavy-lidded eyes, the corners of his mouth turned down and one side twitching slightly, as she guided herself along the wall, pausing every few steps, her head turning back and forth, a baby blue ponytail whipping the wall with a dry slapping sound each time she did so. Over her usual pink kimono, she was inexplicably wearing an ill-fitting red poncho, a white dust mask, and a pair of white, spiral-patterned glasses; the pattern on the glasses was so dense, Yusuke wondered if she could even see out of them.
"Umph, oh, sorry," she grunted as she walked right into a boar demon.
Apparently she could not see through her ridiculous, pointless, impractical glasses.
In one hand she was carrying her stupid Spirit World issue briefcase, and in her other hand she had a small first aid box. The first aid box was sensible, inconspicuous and an expected thing for someone to be carrying around backstage at the tournament: but the large metal briefcase – which kept clanging against the wall as she continued sliding along it – emblazoned with the logo of Spirit World, was arguably more effective than Botan walking through the locker room carrying a giant neon arrow pointing at herself and declaring her a spirit.
"Psst, Yusuke!" she hissed as she finally rounded the corner and began sidling along the lockers Yusuke was standing at. "Yusuke! Over here!"
Yusuke, who was still staring right at her, kept his eyes on her as she edged up to him. She kept approaching until she was standing uncomfortably close to him, at which point she again turned her head abruptly to survey the room, slapping him across the face with her ponytail. Once she had satisfied herself that she had entered the room unnoticed, she turned back to Yusuke, slapping the other side of his face with her ponytail as she did so.
"Yusuke, hello," she whispered. "Don't be nervous, it's me, Botan!"
Her hand holding the first aid box moved up to the side of her head, awkwardly lowering her pointless glasses, large pink eyes peering up at Yusuke over the top of the frames. Her other hand, the one holding her enormous briefcase, came up to the other side of her face, the metal briefcase clanging against the metal lockers as she raised it, her fingers straining over the thick handle to pinch as the dust mask, pulling it down to expose her nose and mouth. She then purposefully winked at Yusuke, who simultaneously felt a vein popping by his left temple.
"You may not have recognised me, but don't be alarmed, I am wearing a very clever disguise," she added, before awkwardly pulling her dust mask back up over her nose.
She left her glasses lowered, leaning towards Yusuke and peering over the frames at him, only further confirming his assumption that she could not actually see through the patterned lenses.
"I've just come to offer my services to you boys."
Yusuke barely had time to smirk at Botan's words before Chu appeared behind her, leaning one arm onto the locker above her head.
"I'd like a piece of that, how much are you charging, Sheila?" he asked the top of her head.
Botan squawked and cowered down under him, her briefcase noisily clattering against the lockers again.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" she shouted up at him, her raised tone drawing the attention of anyone in the room who had yet to notice her intrusion. "Not that you could afford it even if I was offering that sort of service…"
Chu laughed good naturedly and patted Botan on the shoulder with his characteristic misunderstanding of his own strength, sending her stumbling into Yusuke.
"You're alright, I like you," he told her, before walking off again.
Yusuke caught Botan by her shoulders and righted her at arm's length from himself, waiting until the ringing of her briefcase and the lockers had stopped before addressing her.
"Listen Botan, it's great that you wanna come in here with your little creepy nurse get-up, but there isn't even anyone in Demon World who wants you poking about at them with your dumbass spirit detective tools."
Even though her dust mask was back in place, Yusuke could tell by the way it stretched out that Botan's jaw had dropped open as she gasped at his words.
"I'm not here in my capacity as assistant to the spirit detective–"
"Well that's good, since I'm not the spirit detective any more."
"–I'm here in my capacity as team manager, to help you boys heal up your wounds!"
Botan shook her first aid box in front of Yusuke's face, but he casually swatted it aside.
"This isn't a team tournament, you're not our manager, and I haven't even fought yet today, so you're absolutely wasting your time," he told her.
"Well that's a fine way to thank your team manager!" she haughtily replied.
"Unless the "team manager" line is just an excuse to come into the boys' locker room and get an eyeful."
Botan took a little longer to respond and there was even a noticeable delay before she acted outraged at the accusation, which only brought another smirk to Yusuke's face.
"Don't be ridiculous, Yusuke!" she eventually recovered. "I am not in the least bit interested in seeing any of these oafs naked!"
"Really?"
"Absolutely! The very idea that I would–"
"Oh hey look, Kurama just got out the shower."
"Where?"
Yusuke's eyes were stung by Botan's ponytail yet again slapping him across the face, but he considered the discomfort a small price to pay for the colour Botan's face turned as she slowly turned back to look at him again.
"That was very mean of you, Yusuke," she said in a low voice that was probably meant to sound admonishing but came out sounding far more meek and guilt-ridden than anything else.
"Mean that I lied, or mean that I got you all excited for nothing?" Yusuke asked her, his smirk widening into an amused grin.
"I'm not excited!" Botan snapped defensively, her face turner even redder.
"I guess not…" Yusuke slowly replied. "Maybe just a little… Titillated."
"No… Wait… I'm not… Wh-uh?"
Yusuke wiggled his eyebrows at Botan, and her dust mask stretched out again as a slow, dramatic gasp seeped through the cloth.
"You can't even see that through my–!" she hissed, waving her hands – and therefore also her cases – in front of her chest.
"I guess it's just cold in here then, huh Botan?"
"Your mean-spirited jokes are ice cold, Yusuke Urameshi!"
Yusuke rolled his eyes, waving a dismissive hand at Touya, who had appeared by his shoulder, casting a worried look in Botan's direction at the mention of the temperature around them.
"Look Botan, why don't you just go back to helping Koenma keep his face in place," he suggested.
Botan bristled and pouted and glowered at him, but he was unaffected. He could not even begin to sympathise with her, as even a scatter-brain like her ought to realise how absurd her presence in the locker room and her behaviour was.
"Well if you don't appreciate the help I am so generously offering to you–"
"The help I so obviously don't need."
"–then I will take my box and my healing touch elsewhere, to someone who can and will appreciate it!"
Yusuke smirked in spite of himself as he saw Chu perking up a short distance behind Botan.
"I appreciate your healing hands and I could definitely use your box over here," he called over, raising a hand in the air.
Botan's eyes glowed with rage and her shoulders squared, her ire directed entirely at Yusuke despite him doing little more than standing on the spot and enjoying Chu's remark. He began to suspect he may not rid himself of her, that her incessant insistence on interfering – or "helping" as she put it – may yet see her shadowing him for the remainder of the day, her masked face even joining him by the edges of the floor as he fought in the next round of the tournament, fulfilling her self-appointed duty as his "manager": a title she gave herself to excuse her nagging. But, just when it seemed as though he would be burdened with her, her angered rigidity relaxed, her eyes grew wide, and, again, her ponytail slapped him across the face.
"Yoo-hoo! Wait for me!"
Yusuke blinked away the sting of her hair from his eyes and turned his head curiously to watch Botan cut across the middle of the locker room, her heavy metal briefcase narrowly missing banging into Jin's crotch as he left the shower area, his most sensitive areas only barely covered by a thin cotton towel.
"Um, is it wise to let her do this?"
Suzuka leaned a shoulder against a locker, blue eyes shadowed under a frown as he watched Botan cross the room. Yusuke, who had simply been pleased to be rid of her, then felt a pang of concern, turning sharply to check exactly what new peril she was willingly hurtling herself into. She stopped by the entrance, where a contestant from the first fight of the day was returning to the locker room.
"Psst, Hiei! Hiei, over here! Hiei, hello. You may not recognise me, but don't be alarmed, I am wearing a very clever disguise!"
"Oh shit," Yusuke grumbled.
