Note: this happens on the train to Hogwarts. Harry has just sat down in a compartment with Ron.

Ron: (looking up) I know you

Harry: Oh not again

Ron: I heard about you when I was three

Harry: Well I've never met you before in my life so could I have your name?

Ron: I know you, that scar on your head is so familiar a scar

Harry: (flattening his hair) well I've noticed that it is recognisable thank you

Ron: And I know it's true that you got rid of you know who

Harry: Do all wizards sing?

Ron: Well if I know you

Harry: Which you don't

Ron: Shut up or I'll sue

Harry: Ok, do all wizards sing like this? And if so is it this badly?

Ron: You'll love me at once

Harry: (shocked) look I'm sure you're a really nice guy but I'm not like that

Ron: The way you did once upon a dream

Harry: Oh dear, my first wizarding encounter and it's a singing homosexual

Ron: (snapping out of some sort of trance) Oh my god, your Harry Potter

Harry: We've established that already

Ron: We have?

Harry: Now look, I'm sorry, but I am straight and I don't fancy boys

Ron: Why would I want to know? I kinda presumed you were straight already?

Harry: So why were you singing that I loved you?

Ron: (a look of gasping apprehension) it's the writer!!!!

Writer: mwa ha ha ha ha

Ron: What are you doing to me?

Writer: editing your emotions for brief humiliation.

Ron: Why?

Writer: you will find out later on. It happens in the future.

(flashes to the future)

Hermione: Oh shut up Ron you will be singing soon enough, it's very infectious

Ron: Never in a million years

Writer: We shall see!

(comes back to the present)

Writer: so you see I can do anything even make you fancy Harry!!! Just using the power of my mind

(Writer laughs evilly and Ron goes back into his trance.)

Ron: I know you

Harry: I know this song

Ron: I walked with you once upon a dream

Harry: I don't remember you

Ron: I know you; the emerald eyes are so familiar a green

Harry: But you have never seen me before. Neither had anyone else, so how can my green eyes be familiar?

Ron: Haven't you been listening? I met you in my dream. We were meant to be together

Harry: I'm glad he's not really like this.

Writer: I always remind my characters whose in charge

Ron: And I know it's true, that these things are seldom all they seem

Harry: I hope so

Ron: For if I know you

Harry: Again, which you don't

Ron: I know what you'll do

Harry: yes I know

Ron: You'll love me at once

Harry: Are you going to stop him soon?

Writer: soon

Harry: Because I cannot keep calm through much more of this

Ron: the way you did once upon a dream

Writer: He's done now

Ron: (Snapping out of his trance) while you were busy making me sing that stuff

Writer: Because you said you would never sing, in the future?

Ron: Yes, well you made me say I would never sing, so it's your fault yet you are still punishing me

Writer: That's a fair point dear, oh well too late to change now.

(Ron shakes with anger gets in a huff etc)