On an ordinary day in the sewers of New York City, the Ninja Turtles were happily relaxing in their New York City sewer/bachelor pad. Sensei Splinter scurried into their pad and screeched for the guys to fall in line, when Raphael asked Sensei "What wrong with you, dog?"

"Have respect for your master!" his master screamed. "I can drain your powers you measly amphibian!" (Are turtles amphibians?)

Raphael blushed and bowed with great respect.

Leonardo was a teacher's pet and with great wisdom and kiss-ass intelligence asked, "Sensei, what distresses you today?"

"I have just heard terrible news that there. Is. A. Fifth!" He announced with five exclamation points!

"Say what?" asked Michelangelo with great distress.

Sensei said very solemnly, "A fifth ninja turtle has appeared!"

The other four gasped greatly. But Donatello was confused. "What's so wrong about that, master?"

Sensei was beside himself. "You don't understand!"

Raphael proclaimed with great resignation, "Well, let's meet the poor bloke..."

Ten Minutes Later...

Sensei read them Green Eggs and Ham.

Ten More Minutes Later...

They played WiSports to get some exercise.

Ten More Minutes Later...

Donatello had to use the bathroom greatly.

Then finally after thirty minutes of random procrastination, they set off to find The Fifth!

One Hour Later...

"You there!" exclaimed The Fifth! "Stop! In the name of love-"

The Turtles, who greatly loved that song, began to sing, "'Before you break my heart...'"

Sensei was greatly distraught by their mockery of The Supremes. They were his favorite and his Turtles were butchering their musical genius. "Stop this rumpus! Stop this great foolishness!"

Dejectedly, the five Turtles were silenced and could no longer sing. The four original Turtles, turned to look at their new brother and they were greatly shocked by what they saw. There stood a cross-dressing Turtle! The moonlight gleamed on his neon pink wig, his bedazzled cocktail dress of an electric blue hue, and his five-inch red stilettos. All this girly clothing was minute compared to his rainbow colored headband. The original four were greatly horrified, but could not look away as though this Turtle were a car crash of sexuality.

Leonardo asked in a choked whisper. "Brother(?) What is your name?"

In a high-pitched and lame whiny voice The Fifth! spoke, "I, my fellow Mutant Ninja Turtles, am Giovanni Francesco Bembo!"

Raphael looked at him with great befuddlement. "What?"

"Don't say 'what' to me! I am Giovanni Francesco Bembo! With five exclamation marks!"

Sensei then announced, "I told you this was a great distress. I'm not even sure it's a boy. And he...or she...is a bit of a drama queen."

Michelangelo, always the great party-er, exclaimed with great gusto, "Let's give him...her...it (?)...a shot!"

Donatello shouted "YEAH!" because he's that cool.

One year later...

A bank in town square had just been robbed and the police scrambled to catch the robber, but they were too slow, lazy, and fat. (Kalamazoo222 does not endorse this opinion. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are forcing his hand.) "Hurry! We must call the TMNTs or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" said the too slow, lazy, and fat chief of police.

"Did someone call?" shouted Leonardo.

"YEAH!" Donatello shouted, because he's that cool.

"After him!" screamed Raphael.

"Split up!" screamed Michelangelo.

"I'll get him from behind!" shouted Giovanni Francesco Bembo!

"That's what she said!" shouted Donatello.

Sensei Splinter was very annoyed. "Stop this rumpus and get the robber!"

The Five Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles joined forces to save the city of New York City of any future distress and lived happily, greatly, mutantly, ninja-turtley everly afterly!

The End