A/N: Hello. Procrastination musings. Updates erratically, around 2AM. Welcome!

(1) Peppermint Tea w/ 10 seconds of honey

About a half a day into this job to nowhere, Lucy started to think she was regretting her decision. Who the hell lived in the middle of the forest, but still had a proper address?!

First, the train she'd used up most of her money on stopped mid-way during the journey. In the middle of the wrong forest. She called Plue to commiserate with as the conductor rattled off emergency procedure, but her dog spirit wasn't forthcoming as to what she should do. Lucy weighed her options. She could cut her losses, start the trudge home and maybe make it back before nightfall. But the reward promised a silver celestial key, and as a good celestial mage, who was she to pass one up? Also, it wasn't very Fairytale-like to give up on a job. Hell, even when Happy stared death in the face he didn't give up. So, Lucy gathered her wits, hopped out of the train, and began the rather… long... walk.

The sun was stooping low onto the horizon and temperatures were dropping in the forest. The mountain was slightly… Slightly! Closer than when she'd left the train. Lucy dropped her back with a loud groan. She pulled out the sleeping bag that she'd purchased on her last mission with Team Natsu and began to set up for the night. She grabbed some firewood from the surroundings, and- wait, what the hell, was that tree… glowing?

Dropping the bouquet of firewood, Lucy whipped her head to her surroundings. The trees had indeed started glowing, ambient gold flecks of light rising from the ground. That wasn't all- someone was yelling. Really loudly. Really, really, loudly. This was another one of those life-decision thingies. She could run away from the possibly escalating situation and not cause very expensive property damage, or she could help out some poor person being terrorized by weird gold-glowing magical forest beasts and make late-rent causing property damage.

Damnit, property damage it was. And she wanted to go shopping for some new clothes this week too!

Running in the direction of the noises with keys in hand, Lucy noticed that the intensity of the glow was getting stronger and stronger until it was nearly blinding.

In the middle of another clearing, a masked man was kneeling in the middle of the largest freaking magic circle Lucy'd ever seen. His fist was to the ground, and eight staffs with weird tops pointed vertically into the ground around him-

Well, shit, that's Jellal.

"Jellal!" Lucy called, bracing herself. The ground began shaking violently, and cracks were forming in the earth. The man in question's voice only intensified, clearly not hearing her. Where was the rest of Crime Sorcerie? Weren't they on another continent trying to take down Zeref? What on earth was he doing?

Thinking quickly, Lucy summoned Virgo before she was blown away by the sheer amount of magical power pouring from the surrounding area.

"Hello, Princess. Punish me today?" Virgo greeted in her usual deadpan, dutifully holding Lucy's skirt from being blown up by the resulting wind.

"Not now Virgo! We need to get through to Jellal! He's gonna level the entire forest!"

"As you wish." After pulling safety shorts onto Lucy's legs under her skirt, Virgo threw herself at their crazy friend.

She never made it though, because Jelllal's gigantic magic circle activated. Thrown backwards by the blast, Lucy was out as soon as her head collided with the tree behind her.

Well, at least her panties weren't showing.

A/N: If you were wondering, safety shorts are shorts worn under a skirt so if in case a magic circle blows your skirt up, the sacred color of your panties won't be exposed to prying eyes. Buy a pair from Virgo's How To Care For A Scantily-Clad Celestial Mage Shop online now! Leave a review on your way out?