Dear Rhett,
I am writing you this letter because I need to know if you intend to visit us during the holidays. We are at the edge of the season, and the children are asking. If not for me, I need to know so I can give them some stability.
I hope that my letter finds you well. I wonder, have you found the grace you were looking for? I had been in Tara for a while, trying to gather the pieces. As it is, what had worked in the past twelve years lost its' charm.
Truly yours,
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
I've been reading the few lines you sent me and contemplating whether to merely thank you for coming during the holidays and ignore the hatred, or is it mockery you've so eloquently expressed?
I am thankful for your decision. Ella and Wade lost an aunt who was more than a second mother, a sister and for all I knew the only father they've had. For myself, I have grown almost accustomed to being a social pariah.
As for the mockery in your letter, I must say I was surprised. You, of all people know I am no poet. Did you expect me to write of my love or broken heart?
You have told me, when you left, that no matter what I did, it wouldn't work. I have spent most of my adult life throwing myself at a man's who did not love me. Telling myself that the moon is the sun. Should I do it again? If anything is left is the respect I have for you. You have my heart. It's not much, but you have it. I won't harass you.
I went to Tara a week after Melly's funeral. India was surprisingly clinging to my arm throughout the whole time and if Wade hadn't cried uncontrollably I suppose I would have had to carry her to the carriage as well. I said you were struck by grief and couldn't join the cemetery. Was I wrong? You admired Melly. Why has that offended you so? Would you have preferred I said you left me and was in such a rush to leave me that you couldn't spare Melly a day?
If you hadn't answered me I did have a plan, to go to Chicago with the children for a few weeks.
It isn't easy but I'm trying to gather the pieces. Sometimes I wish to God I hadn't done all I have for Tara. However, what is done is done, and I can't change it.
I tried, best as I could to address each word, whether written with hate or contempt, I will answer whatever you ask.
Yours,
Scarlett
Rhett,
We shall be leaving to Chicago the week before Christmas. The children are counting on seeing you during February as you wrote. Don't bother apologizing. You don't really mean it, and I have no use in empty words.
As for what you wrote, it was malicious and uncalled for. I've stopped comparing her to myself or to Bonny. She is much better than I ever was or will be, kind, even happy despite all the losses she suffered. Have you ever given her the time of day to see that she is more than a ginger-haired plain child? So you'd know she has a way with sports? She runs all the time and she even somersaults in the air as if there was no ground under her feet to claim her. The other day she cried when she saw a bird taken down by a cat.
Scarlett
Rhett,
Unfortunately we are delayed in Chicago for six weeks until first week of February. I hope you can rearrange a visit to Atlanta for a later date.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
It was not intentional to be delayed in this cold and windy city. Unfortunately I was silly enough to believe that skating through an icy lake is something I can learn. Ella made it look so easy, and it was fun until I broke my leg and nearly froze in the icy water. Fortunately she was resourceful and managed to drag me to the shore.
Even if I was hurt from your letter regarding my attitude towards Ella I wouldn't have delayed your visit for the world. They miss you so.
You should refrain from such heated words in telegrams, I might think you actually care.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
We came to Chicago because I want to invest in Charles's land and build skyscrapers like the ones they have built here. It seems like a good investment with little danger for me as long as I keep the rights on the land and condition any transfer with built real-estate.
I have found two investors here in Chicago who are willing to join me in such a venture. The financing of such a project is rather complex though.
Rhett, I did not write of my feelings knowing they are not wanted. I won't lie and write that there is not a day or a night in which I don't think of you. Life has it's was of grasping me with its' vibrancy and I willingly let it. However, you have asked, and so I write to answer, as I promised I will – I miss you dearly.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
I was moved by your visit to Chicago, even if only for two days.
If I was silent most of the time it is because I couldn't quite handle my feelings and you at the same time.
My leg is recovering nicely, I hope. The cast has been removed yesterday. I am starting to feel my toes again and I will be returning to Atlanta in time for Wade's second semester. I can't have him missing so much school. The doctor insists that I can even skate again, as if I'd dare…
You are more than welcomed to join me on the skyscraper venture. It's the first time that any of my business ventures really intrigued you. Are you really interested? I did not care to elaborate next to Ella or Wade, but the reason that I am pursuing this is that I need something to fill my days. I will drive both Ella and Wade insane if all I have is them to mother. I can't plant my fears and failures on them. In any case I am enclosing the business plan I've sketched.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
I was smiling three days after receiving your last letter. Why you have never complimented me in such a manner. I confess, I had a lot of help in designing the business plan I sent you. The doctor's son, Ronald, is an engineer and he managed two major projects like these lately. I enclose a more detailed plan for your approval or reference.
The doctor insisted with me, and I did skate yesterday with his son's help. It was rather comic to see me holding that young man's waist. I believe I left holes in his body. But it was fun! The whiteness of the ice is beautiful though I dare say I shan't miss the wind.
I intend to arrive at New York on the second week of March, for the financing meeting, and if all goes well I can start on May. If you decide to join me, now would be a good time to let me know, and if you wish you can direct the financing. To be frank, the process of building in fascinating and different Ronald has given me several books on the matter. I am thinking of investing in metal industry, it would be much more relevant than wood.
Yours truly,
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
I am glad you are coming to New York. As for your insinuation – Ronald is both married and not my type. I dare say I suspect I am not his type either. His wife is as delicate as the old South's ladies used to be, and he likes her so.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
I admit it was rather reckless to take Ella and Wade to Ski in Vermont. To my defense I'll add that it was my way of contacting Mr. Gronner and nicely enough get him to join in. Fortunately, none of us are injured this time and I find ski to be a lovely sport.
I will be seeing you in Augusta for the train to New York as planned.
Scarlett
Rhett,
I have no idea why you treated me the way you have in New York. Let alone in public.
Reconsider if you wish to work with me. You have plenty of lands in Atlanta and you'll do more than well without your 'prisoner's' company.
I never asked for you to marry me after Frank died. You insisted on it. Is it so dreadful for me not to want to bare yet another mark on my forehead as a divorcee? Or is it you who have found a new love?
Do be honest with me.
Scarlett
Dear Rhett,
Thank you for your last letter. I will try to explain myself though I dare say some of the things I don't understand myself. I simply do them because they are there, like buying that silly pink gown in New York, though I'm still in black.
I can't and I don't blame you for any hard feelings you have on account of my behavior in the first twelve years of our acquaintance. However, during the past year I've done all in my power to change, not your feelings – for in that I respect your wishes, but myself.
I admit that I don't want a divorce because I love you. I watched you in every meeting we've had and I yearned for you. You've asked me to tell you, so here I am, writing a page and tearing it. I've watched your hands and craved for their touch. Your tallness. Even the less firm abdomen you have at your 46th year made me ache for you.
Is that what you wanted to know?
That I curse myself for being a fool?
Well, there are times that I do that, but I try not to. I can't help who I was, or what I did. I did do my best. It's funny, but every time that I beat myself I try to recall our conversation after Frank's funeral. If than, why not now?
I did behave rather silly in New York, drinking too much champagne that evening. It was merely to avoid the awkwardness of you going to your room. I refuse to be ashamed of that. Nevertheless, I do hope you won't remind it to me too often.
In one thing I do not agree with you. I feel alive, with more ability to do things, even to love. But if you won't love me, I have no desire to seek others, so I'll have my children and whatever else I find to fill my life. I am not willing to die at my thirties (that are coming too fast). You are not old either. If you only looked you'd see that you are at your prime. If you only gave it a chance you could be happy.
With me or with someone else.
Wade is the one who made me realize nothing is too late ever, as long as we are alive. Wade is to be thirteen this year, and luckily I hadn't lost him. Despite myself and all my many faults. He favors me for remembering things I had forgotten, like rescuing his father's sword from the Yankees. He even knows that his mother killed a Yankee deserter. Melly must have told him. He was willing to jump the high fence the other day despite the memory. To convince him to try it I jumped it first. But it worked. His eyes no longer possess that fearful look.
I drank half a counter of brandy afterwards to sooth my nerves, but he never noticed my terror. Dear God, both Pa and Bonny in the same way and here I was convincing my son to jump …
Was it that which annoyed you the most? That I hadn't died? That I went skiing after I broke my silly leg ice-skating? I do admit it sounds insane even to me.
Yours,
Scarlett
Telegram:
Dear Rhett STOP construction begins next Thursday STOP I will be waiting to take you home at the station as you asked STOP Scarlett
