This Time It Was Different
Disclaimer: I don't own Rizzoli and Isles- they belong to TNT and Tess Gerritsen.
Chapter 1
Dr. Maura Isles couldn't help the sigh she had just released. She'd rolled over slightly to check the time and just wasn't happy that the illuminated numbers shined 11:48 pm. It was late. Later than she had wanted the night to go. She sighed once more and carefully pulled the covers away from her body.
She swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. There was enough light filtering into the room that she didn't need to turn on the lamp that was on the nightstand. Instead, she simply collected her garments that had been discarded earlier in the evening. Luckily all her items seemed to be located in the same general location near the foot of the bed.
She had just managed to pick up the last of her items when the silence of the room was disrupted.
"Stay," came the sleep filled voice.
Maura found herself sighing again. She had hoped to avoid any conversation. In truth, she'd hoped she could just sneak out without him waking up.
"I need to get home," she stated without turning around.
"Stay," came the voice once again only this time the man was much more awake and Maura could hear that he had shifted to sit up in bed.
"I'm going home," Maura said a little more sternly turning back to look at Alan. She hoped now that he was actually awake he would see the resolve in her face. Not giving him a chance to reply she took her clothes into the bathroom and closed the door.
She carried her items over to the counter and set them down. She turned on the water more to fill the room with noise than to really use the running water for anything. She quickly dressed herself knowing she would end up taking a shower as soon as she got home. She really only escaped into the bathroom to end the conversation with Alan.
He was a nice man. He had met her physical needs. But lately he was becoming attached and that was the last thing she'd wanted. That wasn't what they agreed this would be. It was always just supposed to be about sex. It was supposed to be uncomplicated. But he had been asking her to stay after the last few encounters. And that, well that was a complication.
She finished getting dressed and turned off the water. She checked herself quickly in the mirror to make sure she was presentable enough to make it all the way to her car and she turned off the bathroom light walking back into the bedroom.
"You really can stay," Alan tried once more.
Maura had to fight not to roll her eyes. She'd never said yes nor would she ever say yes to that. This was why she'd never had him over to her place. At least with this arrangement she could leave whenever she wanted.
"Alan," she said with a flat tone. "I know I can. I just won't." She wasn't deliberately trying to be mean but she wasn't going to have this kind of conversation with him.
He didn't hide the hurt that flashed across his face but he didn't try to suggest she stay. Instead, he shifted on the bed and swung his legs over the side. He stood up and walked over to a chair in the corner of the room where he picked up a robe and put it on. He was at least going to walk Maura out.
In the meantime, Maura collected the last of her items and started to make her way into the living room. She realized Alan was going to see her out which wasn't what she wanted but at this point there wasn't anything she could do about it.
She followed Alan into the living room and he started to unlock the front door. "So will I see you this weekend?" he asked trying to hide the desperation in his voice. He really wanted to spend more time with her.
"No," Maura answered. "I'll be in Boston."
Alan raised an eyebrow. She hadn't mentioned anything about a trip to Boston. But then again she never really talked much about herself. "Alright," he said a little defeated. "Can I see you when you get back?"
"I'm not coming back," Maura said as if it was the most casual thing in the world to say.
"What?" he asked not understanding what she meant.
"I was offered the Chief Medical Examiner's position in Boston and I accepted," Maura replied. She'd been looking for something new. A way out of San Francisco. Boston seemed to be her best option for a fresh start.
"You're moving to Boston?" he asked in disbelief.
"Yes," she answered. By this time she had gathered up her purse and was making her way to the front door.
"And you weren't going to tell me?" Alan asked.
"I didn't see a reason to," Maura replied. They weren't in a relationship. Far from it. She didn't owe him any explanation on the things she chose to do with her life.
"But we…" Alan started but Maura wouldn't let him finish.
"We were never a 'we'," she said. "I told you that from the beginning." She had been nothing but upfront with him. It was always simply about physical needs.
"I just didn't think you really meant it," he said now crestfallen.
"I meant it," she said. She opened his front door and took a step outside. Turning she said one last thing to the man before leaving. "Goodbye Alan."
XXXXXXXXXXX
Jane put her car in park and turned off the ignition. But she didn't immediately get out of the car. Instead she stared out the windshield at the building in front of her. She'd been coming here every day for the last two weeks. Two weeks of hoping that things were going to be different. Two weeks of longing for a change. A change she was desperate to have.
But to that point, the change hadn't come. Sitting there staring at the building she had to admit she was scared. And she wasn't one to scare easily. Not badass Detective Rizzoli. Not the woman who had just faced down the psychotic serial killer Charles Hoyt and lived to tell the tale.
But it was the end result of that encounter that scared her. She had survived his brutal attack but what she faced now terrified her more than anything Hoyt had threatened to do to her. This, she thought as she continued to stare at the building, felt like it had the potential to be permanent. And that what was scared the detective the most.
Exhaling deeply, Jane finally exited her car. She grabbed the bag from the passenger side and headed into the building. Perhaps, just perhaps, today would be different.
"Hey Jane," the man behind the counter greeted her as she approached the counter.
"Hi Sal," Jane greeted and tried to sound cheerful. It certainly wasn't Sal's fault things weren't going well with all of this.
"The usual?" Sal asked already knowing the answer. The detective had been there every day for the previous two weeks. They all knew what she was doing there.
"Yeah," Jane said quietly. "Thanks," she added as an afterthought.
Sal nodded. He entered a few things into his computer and hit the buzzer letting Jane enter the side door. "Number 3," he said to her as she walked past him.
Jane simply nodded and made her way to bay number 3. It had been the same one she'd be using since she started coming here. She got to the bay and found everything was as she needed it to be.
She put her bag down and unzipped it. Before pulling anything from the bag she got the rest of the area all set up. Then she reached into the bag and pulled out her Glock. She tried to only focus on the feel of the gun in her hand instead of looking at the set of matching scars she now carried as a constant reminder of what had happened with Hoyt.
The feel of the gun still wasn't quite right. It used to feel natural holding the Glock. The gun had been an extension of her own hand. But that was no longer the case. It felt almost foreign to her now. It was one of the things she was trying to change. After a minute, she placed the Glock down and reached back into the bag to pull out a clip of ammo.
Taking a deep breath, Jane loaded her Glock, clicked off the safety and chambered a round. She then placed the required earplugs and safety glasses on and lightly held the gun in her hand not yet trying to test a full grip.
She took a deep breath and raised the gun to the target. She tried to aim the gun in front of her. Already her hands were starting to cramp. This was not a good sign for her. Not one shot fired yet and already her hands were starting to shake.
She took aim and tried to squeeze the trigger. And just like the previous two weeks, her finger didn't seem to respond to her wish. She released a breath and tried again forcing herself to concentrate on just her trigger finger. With far more exertion than it should have taken, Jane finally managed to squeeze her finger enough to fire off a round.
And just like all the other times, it wasn't good. The pain that shot through her hand was almost unbearable. She almost dropped the Glock only at the last moment managing to get the gun placed on the counter in front of her. She tried to focus on her breathing as a way of getting through the stinging pain still radiating from her hand.
Just like every other time.
Once the pain finally subsided she hit the button to retrieve the target she had been aiming at. She'd gotten off the one round but she knew even before she saw the target it was a horrible shot. The target finally approached and she saw the fruits of her effort. The single bullet hole in the target was found in the bottom corner. She'd almost missed the target completely.
Complete failure.
Again.
It was all she needed to see for the day. She packed up her gun and left the bay area. If Sal was surprised to see her leaving so quickly, he hid it well. Then again, he had hidden it well for two weeks now.
"Thanks," Jane mumbled on her way out.
"See you tomorrow," was all Sal said. He felt bad for the detective. He had read about her encounter with the serial killer and her injuries. It didn't take him long to realize things weren't going well. The detective seemed to only stay long enough to get one round off at most.
XXXXXXXXXX
Jane knocked on the door and prayed Amy was home. She needed her to be home. Lately this was the only thing, the only place, where she felt like she had any control. She needed Amy to answer her knocking. She needed to feel in control of her life at least for a little while. Relief washed over her when she heard the rattling of the chains on the other side of the door.
Amy barely got the door open before Jane had her backed up against the closet door opposite her entryway. Jane's lips pressed firmly against Amy's stopping any greeting or question from the young woman. Instead, within seconds their kiss became heated. Jane's tongue worked its way into Amy's mouth as she quickly established dominance.
Amy moaned as she felt Jane's hands working to remove her shirt. She shouldn't have been surprised by any of this. Jane had made it a habit of showing up at her doorstep as of late. Not that she cared. The sex was fantastic. She let out another moan as she felt Jane's lips trail down her neck and across her chest.
Jane had her bra off and mouth around her nipple before Amy could even react with more than another moan. She leaned back against the closet door and let Jane work her over.
"Jesus," Amy mumbled as Jane switched from one breast to the other.
"Bed," Jane breathed out as she continued to work her mouth over Amy's breasts.
Amy calculated the distance between the hallway and the bedroom and in a flash she knew she'd never get there under her own power. Not with what Jane was doing to her. So she simply jumped and wrapped her legs around Jane's waist. It was all the hint Jane needed. She secured Amy with her arms and made the familiar march up to her bedroom.
It wasn't love. It wasn't even companionship. But it was something Jane could control and for the moment that was enough for her.
A/N: This is the first time I've posted anything I've written so please let me know if this is worth continuing or if I should just go back to reading the work of others instead. I plan for this to be a multi-chapter story focusing on Jane and Maura meeting and starting a relationship with each other. It won't really follow canon but it will stay focused on the developing relationship between the two.
