Adventures on the slightly weird and perverted seas

Mutiny on the freak ship

and

The sexy ship

On the freak ship...

"We shall defeat that damned singing, sexy ship, and then, we shall have our cake! Now get back to work!" Captain TopHeavy commented and pulled at the collar of her captain hook styled Jacket. She preffered the blue, but Froglip had vomited all over it and it was currently being washed.

She was a fine captain and, hence her enormous chest, she was christened the name Captain TopHeavy. Now most would argue that it was a silly name, but those would be the people who had either never met her or where flat chested feminists. The fact of the matter is, she had a mighty large chest. Which is also the reason she got stuck with a miserable and randy crew made up of crazy looking, bug eyed creeps and Beetlejuice.

She didn't really choose her crew of free will, it's just that her arch enemy, Captian WideHip had stolen the best looking crew and she was told she wouldn't be able to be an official captain or pirate without one.

Life was a bitch, yes.

"Now...go get me some whisky and cola!" She yelled at Beetlejuice who was busy putting back the skin on his knee and trying not to stare to long at her chest.

"Yes sir, Captain TopHeavy, sir!" Beetlejuice and Froglip said in unison, hoping she wouldn't kick them on the way. Unfortunately, god hated them and she kicked Beetlejuice in the leg and Froglip in the head. It was a buggar to be his height.

"And don't stare at my chest! You keep your hands off of it!" She demanded and stomped off, making the most of her heeled boots. She was rather fashionable looking and looked less like an actual pirate and more like a girl in pirate fetish gear. The breeches were DEFINETELY to tight for someone with her hips. Luckily, she was glad her coat covered up that area. She was just ungrateful that the buttons had been taken off at the front and made her chest look....well...bigger than it was. Which in her case, drew alot of unwanted attention.

Meanwhile on the Sexy ship....

"Captain...Would you mind getting off me so I could mop the deck as you told me to?" The mysterious mask-clad Eric asked the captain, who was currently pushing him against a barrel and trying furiously to undo his and hers jackets. She cursed the day she had been given this damned hook. She wished she'd never listened to the salesman.

"That's Captain WideHip!" She glared at Eric and finally gave up, feigning non-interest and walking off to rebutton her shirt.

"Captain, that fellow ship of your friend keeps sending over what look likes bits of cake."Jareth wandered over and explained to the captain, careful not to get to close in case she groped him. She immediately ran to the side of the ship and clung onto the edge for dear life.

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!" She yelled as loud as she could and listened out, for below the other ship's deck, she heard a loud cursing noise and then a thud, which was Captain TopHeavy attempting to run up and confront her, but falling over on the way. She turned back and addressed her crew.

"You fools! That Captain TopHeavy is my worst enemy! She constantly tries to invade my waters and board my ship without permission!" The captain declared and posed dramatically on top of a soapbox.

"We understand Captain...just explain to us...where did you get that soapbox from in the middle of the ocean?" Jareth asked and pointed at her boot clad feet which where balanced ontop of the box.

"Don't ask stupid questions! I employed you to be sexy and work! Now...Dansa!" She ordered and jumped from the soapbox, pointing triumphantly at them. They looked at one another, sighed and then began to dance to an unknown tune, whilst Captain watched and tapped her chin to the beat of their boots.

Meanwhile on the Freak ship...

"Fly to a dream. Far across the sea. All the burdens gone. Open the chest once more. Dark chest of wonders. Seen through the eyes. Of the one with pure heart. Once so long ago!" Captain Top Heavy sang at the top of her voice. Oh, she loved listening to nightwish, and it was her favourite song. She jsut wished that when she was singing it, people wouldn't come up to her and said, 'Can I see the wonders?' or her personal least favourite, 'Take off your shirt and we'll see about this chest of wonder.' She looked up from her book and saw two sets of hungry eyes looking at her, two sets she knew too well, even though she wished she didn't.

"And what are you two doing?" Captain TopHeay asked, still firmly planted in her comfy seat, reading what she liked to think where important documents, which were in fact porn.

"We're! ...Urm...what was it again....Mutony?" Beetlejuice asked, looking considerably at Froglip, who in turn looked upwards at the man and pulled a considerably dumb looking face.

"Mitunwy?" Froglip scratched his head under his hat and looked at Beetlejuice like his brain had just died a little.

"It's Mutiny you illiterate fools! If you're going to...Wait, what?" She began to bellow and stand when the words hit her and she realised that she just made the situation a whole lot worse.

Meanwhile, on the sexy ship...

As the captain adjusted her hook, she surveyed over her fine crew. First, she admired the fine backside of first mate Jareth. Oh yes, it was a mighty fine backside indeed. She wished she could touch it just once. Oh hell, she was the captain, she thought, she could do what she liked.

"Captain...It's hard to move around with your hand in my backpocket all the time." Jareth said steadily, trying his hardest.

She glared at him.

"That's Captain WideHip to you. And It may be harder, but it could be harder first mate." She remarked calmly, kneading the flesh in the fabric in which her hand had delved into without her knowledge.

"It could be worse anyway. I could be using this." And she held up her limb with a small plastic hook attached to it. The bad thing was, it was too small so you could actually see her hand clinging onto the inside of it. She finally pulled back at the blank expression he gave her and wandered around a bit, now bored for once to actually look at her crew.

She adjusted her red and purple coat. Oh how she hated the thing, but it was the last one on the market and the salesman kept saying it went with her eyes very well. Bastard.

She wandered over to the side of the ship and curiousity compelled her to listen.

Captain WideHip listened intently to the sea. Correction, she listened intently to the ship which was floating a few yards away from her own. She had realised that she had yet to recieve her daily bashing from her foe Captain TopHeavy and was almost concerned. Sratch that, she was just curious as to why the persistent big breasted idiot was so pre-occupied with something else other than the important feud they had.

She listened.

At first, all she heard was the soothing noises of the waves crashing against the sides of the boats and the seagulls being shot down overhead. Suddenly she could hear it. The sound-no, sounds, of moaning. She could clearly hear a female voice, sounding almost in pain and yet borderlining with pleasure. She could also hear a sound like a goat giggling and another male voice, grunting madly and cursing like his foot was trapped in the anchors chain.

'Lucky buggars.' She thought and dashed off to find Jareth and Eric. She was about to demand they mutiny against her also.

Meanwhile on the Freak ship...

"I ought to toss you overboard for what you've done, you little scab of puss!" Captain Topheavy yelled from her lying position. She had her legs and hands tied up, spread-eagled on the top deck, luckily just ought of site of the other ship, but she still felt a little exposed due to the stripping to only her long white shirt.

"Oh, please do Cap'in. Then I's can has another go at the helm with your cannons!" Froglip quipped happily and almost skipped around her body. Before he realised how gay that would truly look and remained content in rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet and smirking like the fool he was.

Captain TopHeavy merely rolled her eyes and tried again to pull herself free. It was futile. She was well and truly screwed.

Correction.

She HAD been well and truly screwed. And now, they were about to do it again. 'Buggar', was all that seemed to registar. That and a face full of tentacle like limbs coming from Beetlejuice somewhere. Some place she didn't quite want to think about.

Meanwhile on the Sexy ship...

Finally. At last. Thank the seas for that.

Captain WideHip had finally gotten into bed. Not just into bed. Into bed with two very naked and virile men who just happened to be her crewmates. And it was all thanks to two doses of Rohypnol and viagra to get them there. After that and the initial beating with a convenient hard loaf of bread, they were surprisingly compliant.

After a few lengthy sessions of 'hide the hook' and 'Captain, please don't put the hook there!' She finally allowed them to sleep off the rest of the drugs.

Life was good. That's what she thought. Little did she know what she was in for. But for now she slept, one hand firmly clasping on Jareth's backside and her opposite leg slung over Eric's front.

Meanwhile on the freak ship...

"Urgsch, what now you two? You've already had about 15 go's each and I can barely walk as it is!!" Captain TopHeavy yelled as her bound wrists where pulled and propelled her forward into the bright sunlight of the upper deck. She was quickly twirled around and was so surprised that she hadn't slipped over, didn't see any problem with her current predicament.

"We'll make you walk the plank!" Beetlejuice commanded and poked her in the back with his wooden sword, enjoying it only a little bit as she didn't seem to put off by it.

"I already walked yours and Froglip's today and didn't seem to have a problem." She commented saracastically and smirked at Beetlejuices scowl. Froglip however was distracted in thought, trying to figure out exactly what she meant. SO distracted that he didn't see her foot flying towards him, not until she actually caught him and managed to boot him clear through the air and off the ship, satisfied in hearing him howl in horror as his little body hit the water with a small plop, before a few sputterings, yelling at the mermaids and finally being pulled downwards into the murky depths to be mated to death by them.

"Lucky buggar." She commented before grimacing and stomping forward from Beetlejuices' persistent poking. She strolled unhappily towards the front of the plank, recieving a surprise when she got there.

Meanwhile on the Sexy Ship...

"I'm sorry Captain, but me and Jareth where talking...We're going to have to commit Mutiny and make you walk the plank." Eric sighed and adjusted his eyepatch mask. She always wondered how he kept it on as it wasn't tied up. She didn't want to now what he stuck it with as there wasn't any glue on the ship.

"Sexy mutiny?" She asked as Jareth began to bind her wrists together.

"No captain, just making you walk the plank." Eric stared at her and watched as she pouted slightly and wiggled to see how tight her wrists where bound. Pretty tight it seemed.

"If you want Captain, you can put your clothes on?" Jareth requested and looked down at her figure.

"No, I prefer to stay this way, just incase you change your mind about molestation." She smiled sweetly at him and hoped he'd sling her over his shoulder and take her down to his cabin to do just that. Unfortunately, Jareth still couldn't walk from their last session and merely pushed her slightly, signalling for her to walk the plank

Somewhere in the middle of the ships, over the ocean...

As both women gazed below at the hungry and horny looking naked mermaids they considered their finally moments on the planks and above the wet watery graves that awaited.

"I have a confession." Captain WidehHip was the first to speak.

"What is it? Best be quick, I'm getting dry feet." Captain TopHeavy commented dryly, wondering what this last minute confession was about.

"My names not really WideHip. I changed it."

"From What?"

"...You'll laugh."

"I won't."

"Plankan."

"..."

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice!!" Captain 'Plankan' yelled and kicked out at TopHeavy. Good thing is, she caught her shin which caused her long time enemy to fall. Bad thing is, it caused her to lose balance and also topple, sending them both into the deep blue sea.

Suddenly, giant tentacles appeared from the murky depths of the sea, snapping each girl by their bodies and holding them aloft in the air.

Captain TopHeavy had been grabbed by her waist and was bent over slightly, so with her arms tied behind her back, she couldn't hide her lower waist as her top rode up and everyone could get a perfect look at her downstairs.

Of course, the newly named Captain Plankan was in an equally awkward position. During the fall, her body had thrown her upside down and a giant tentacle had latched onto her leg, suspending her in midair with everything else on show. Luckily for her she was wearing panties. Unluckily for her, she wasn't wearing an undertop or bra and her top had fallen just above her head and she could only just cover her bosom with her arms across her chest.

"This is all your fault you know." Captain TopHeavy remarked and turned her head a little to glare at Plankans upturned face.

"How is it my fault?" She exclaimed, shaking her head so the blood wouldn't rush and block her thinking pattern.

"You and your tentacles."

"....Ok, I'm sorry I attract tentacles, but's it's not entirely my fault. You're the one who demanded we were enemies."

"You got the sexy crew."

"You got the cool crew."

"I got froglip."

"....yeah, you got screwed."

"....Literally." Captain Topheavy remarked as she slowly began to twirl around like she was attached to a thin wire.

"Stop observing me booty and eat me already!" She yelled down towards the area the tentacles where appearing from, not being quite able to make out the creature beneath the surface of the frothy water.

"You do know you're just making it worse." Plankan smirked and twirled long, finding a little bit of humour in the fact she was right.

This was indeed a sticky end for both, or what soon would be as other, smaller tentacles appeared and began prodding their anatomies. What shall happen to the two brave and slightly dimwitted captains? Will they escape the peril of Tentacle molestation and get their revenge on their sexy and freakishly looking crewmates, or will they succomb to the first rule of japanese porn?

FIND OUT IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF

"Adventures on the slightly weird and perverted seas!'