Inspired by ladavina's "Five Dozen Eggs" oneshot and suggestion that I write the farting contest I mentioned in my review. So, here we go!

It was a typical evening at the tavern in the village of Villeneuve. Everybody was singing Gaston's praises. It was always the same song, same praises from the crowd, same boasts from Gaston, same encouragement from LeFou after Belle yet again spurned his advances.

Tonight, however, things were destined to get a little...flatulent. Gaston's eating habits, specifically eating five dozen eggs for breakfast every morning, which he of course boasted about, again, were really starting to have an effect. This effect was really threatening to put the 'gas' in Gaston.

Suddenly, Gaston had an idea.

"Friends!" he said loudly. "You know I seem to be having all the fun with the aftermath of my large omelettes. I propose an egg eating contest, followed by a farting contest!"

"Oh boy," LeFou said. "Are you sure this is such a good idea Gaston? You already had your sixty eggs this morning."

"Nonsense LeFou," Gaston said, undeterred. "What's sixty more?"

So the egg eating contest commenced. Gaston won, of course, downing sixty eggs in three minutes. Jean came in second with thirty eggs. Tom finished with twenty-five, Dick with twenty-one, and Stanley came in at seventeen eggs. LeFou kept score.

Now they only had to wait for all those eggs to go through their systems. Dick was the first to fart. It was just a puff of air, and the odor was rather unimpressive.

"Oh, a dud!" LeFou said.

Stanley was next. His was a squeak.

"Louder, but still weak," LeFou said. "A little stinkier though.

Then it was Jean's turn. Everyone knew he'd farted because of the odor coming from where he was standing.

"Eww," LeFou said. "Silent but deadly!"

Tom gave the most impressive one thus far, with a nice strong noise and definite odor.

"Not bad Tom," LeFou said.

Now it was Gaston's turn. LeFou was certain he would come out on top. Of course he would. He was Gaston, after all.

"In a farting match nobody farts like Gaston!" LeFou sang.

"I'm especially good at flatulating!" Gaston added.

And then it happened. Gaston let loose the loudest, juiciest, stinkiest fart anyone present had ever heard or smelled. And there was something else too. It seemed it wasn't just gas. Gaston's pants became visibly full, and soon some brown liquid began seeping above his waistband and out from the bottom of each pant leg.

"Well you're definitely the winner Gaston!" LeFou said. "But before you bask in the glory, might I suggest a bath and a change of clothes?"

As Gaston exited the tavern to attend to the little hygiene problem he found himself experiencing, the crowd all sang in unison:

"TEN POINTS FOR GASTON!"