The swan was fairly quiet with a couple of regulars sitting at the bar and a few at a table, the smell of beer and smoke was prevalent in the air. The jukebox was playing Sabotage by the Beastie Boys that Finn chose, much to the annoyance of a couple of older patrons. As Finn listened to the song an image of a certain raven haired girl with beautiful big expressive eyes danced in his head, it was happening more everyday. He was sitting at the gangs usual table, surrounded by band posters a mix of old and new ones, drinking a pint of snakebite and black . He got out his tobacco tin and started to roll up some cigarettes for latter and to pass the time away waiting for Archie. He had gotten a call at about nine in the morning from him asking to meet at the pub at eleven before they were to go to Rutlands to hang with the gang latter that day. Finn was so lost in putting the right amount of tobacco in the paper, rolling it, licking it closed and lost in wondering what a certain pair of plump soft lips would feel like on his that he jumped a little when his best mate since primary school sat next to him.
"Hiya Arch." Finn gave his friend a smile as he put his rolled up cigarettes away in his tin leaving one out to smoke.
"Hey, sorry didn't meant to make ya jump." Arch pushed up his glasses a bit nervously; Finn noticed he was a bit fidgety.
"Its ok, so what's up Archer?" Finn took out his lighter and lit up his cigarette tacking a deep drag filling his lungs with smoke than blowing it out away from Archie.
"I wanted to hang out you know just us and talk." Finn saw Archie looking at everything but him and that he was a bit on edge.
"Ok so uh what ya want to talk 'bout?" Finn took a drag of his cigarette blowing out the smoke and than took a drink of his pint as he leaned a bit closer to Archie.
"I uh… um want to...uh actually I need to tell you something and I don't know how you'll react to what I have to say. Just promise to not freak out." Archie said nervously while playing with the sleeve of his shirt. Finn could feel the vibration of Archie's jittery leg against the table leg.
"What do ya want to tell me Arch, I promise I won't freak out." Finn furrowed his eyebrows looking at his best mate with concern as he put a calming hand on his best mates shoulder which seemed to only make Archie more jumpy.
"Um I'm gonna get a drink first I'll be back." Archie got up scraping his chair against the hardwood floor and went to the bar before Finn could say anything. Finn took another drag of his cigarette and drank some of his pint as he observed his friend looking at a bloke on the sly than quickly looked away a slight blush on his cheek, it wasn't the first time he's caught his friend doing that. He got his drink, walked over to the table, and sat next to Finn giving him a nervous smile.
"So what were you gonna tell me." Finn took a sip of his pint waiting for Arch to tell him what he suspected for a while now about his friend. Archie drank a big gulp of his pint in hopes to garner the courage to do what Rae had suggested and be honest about himself. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"Ok um Finn I don't want you to look back…um on all those times we topped and tailed during sleepovers and think they meant something that they weren't." Finn could see the worry in Archie's eyes and decided that he needed to put his friend at ease.
"Just tell me Arch." Finn said in a knowing voice raising his eyebrows with an encouraging smile on his face.
"You know?" Arch looked at Finn with surprise.
"Course I know, you're me best mate… plus seeing ya snog Barney when it wasn't part of a party game at Rae's, in her back garden confirmed also." Finn smirked than smiled at Archie before taking another sip of his pint.
"Ah shit you saw that! Wait a minute but you never said anything." Archie looked at Finn with a mix of fear and confusion on his face.
"Yeah I saw that and well… neither did you and besides it was your business. " Finn looked at Archie warmly as he finished his cigarette and extinguished it in the ashtray on the table than took another drink of his pint before leaning closer to his friend.
"Finn I'm…gay" As Archie uttered that word he felt a sense of deep relief at finding his bravery to come out to his best mate but he still has some trepidation.
"Well ok than, I'm glad ya told me." Finn smiled at Archie happy his friend confided in him about his secret.
"Your ok with it then?" Archie couldn't believe it as he felt the sting of tears in the corners of his eyes.
"Yeah I am Archer," Finn said sincerely as Archie let out a breath he was holding in relief that his friend accepted him and blinked back the tears that was threatening to fall. "So am I the first to know?" Finn asked out of curiosity.
"Well you're the first one I told officially. Rae knows only because she caught me…um peeping while I was at work." Archie whispered with guilt in his voice looking embarrassed. Finn spat out some of his drink at the news his friend just told him.
"WHAT!" Finn exclaimed a little too loudly causing the people close by to glare at him. "You're gonna get in trouble for that pulse it wrong to peep" Finn said warningly in a quieter tone as he grabbed a napkin to wipe his mouth off with.
"I-I know… I don't do it all the time and I feel guilty after doing it." Archie said quietly as he pushed up his glasses looking around to make sure no one were eavesdropping.
"Mate I'd suggest you get a couple of magazines or sommat, just so ya don't get fired," Finn took another sip of his drink still a bit shocked that his best mate was a peeper. "Or worse go to jail."
"I would but I don't want to risk me mum or worse me dad finding them." Archie said worriedly as he turned his pint glass in his hand. Finn turned to look at him feeling concern for his friend as he snuck a consoling hand under the table placing it on Archie's hand that rested on his thigh.
"Ya scared how they would react?" Finn voiced his mates worry as Archie nodded his head.
"Yeah I am but I was more worried how you would react." Archie looked at Finn seriously.
"Arch ya me best mate you being gay doesn't change it." Finn said reassuringly to Archie, he did not care that his friend was gay what mattered to Finn was that Arch was a good person.
"Finn I-I just…I need you to know I think of you as only a mate well more like a brother. That I-I don't…"Archie stuttered out looking at Finn earnestly.
"Stop! Arch I know, I think of ya as a brother too! Always have." Finn smiled warmly at Archie putting him at ease as he took another drink of his pint. Finn and Archie looked at each other with a clearer understating of one another.
"I feel like I got the hardest part over with but I'm still nervous about coming out to me parents." Archie took a drink of his pint dreading the conversation he'll be having with them not sure if it will go as smoothly as this talk with Finn has.
"What ya most afraid of?"
"That my dad will say he doesn't want some homo as a son, that my mum will be disappointed in me, look at me differently. I've heard stories of kids getting kicked out of their house if they're found out or come out and I'm scared that's what's gonna happen." Archie let out a sigh, Finn could see the tears in Archie's eyes that he blinked back as he took a drink of his pint.
"Archer ya parents don't come off as bigots to me and I don't think they'll kick ya out but if I'm wrong and they do, you can stay at mine. Ya know me da, he'll take ya in because ya family, end of." Finn gently put his hand on Archie's back looking at his friend with sympathy.
"Thanks mate that actually makes me feel a bit better." Arch patted Finn on the back with a smile on his face at his friend's kindness.
"So are you planning on telling the rest of the gang?"
"I don't know but I'm thinking about it though, I'm tired of being a coward, hiding I don't want to be like J. Bruce Ismay." Archie took another drink of his pint as Finn furrowed his brows in confusion.
"Who's that?"
"He was the owner of the White Star Line that built the Titanic and abandoned it while it sank leaving fifteen hundred souls to die; he was one of the biggest cowards in history but only heroes are remembered. I want to be proud of who I am Finn, I want to be proud of myself, how can I be proud of myself if I'm hiding." Archie sighed sipping his drink and started to fidget with his pint glass.
"I don't think you're a coward, the fact that you just came out to me shows me ya not. You shouldn't have to hide mate, people can just fuck off if they can't accept ya for who ya are."
"Yeah but coming out while your in Lincolnshire and still in collage is also asking for it." Finn hated that there were twats out there that would make Archers life hell for who he was.
"Well that maybe true but I got ya back but if you don't feel comfortable coming out yet you don't have to. Archer you're me best mate…me brother always." Finn smiled warmly at arch than finished his pint.
"Thanks Finn, you're my brother always too!" Archie smiled back at Finn feeling happy that he had this talk with Finn.
"The one thing that bothers me," Finn took a deep breath before he said the next thing on his mind. "Why did ya lead Rae on? I mean were you still confused or were you using her because it was a dick move on your part if that was the case." Finn made a fist under the table clenching and unclenching it trying to calm an underling anger he felt bubbling to the surface, he hoped deep down he knew Archie well enough to know he wouldn't use Rae like that.
"No I wasn't using her and I didn't mean too to lead her on. Finn I didn't ask to be gay, Rae was the first girl to come along that I felt a little something for. I thought maybe I was normal that maybe I was wrong about me, maybe confused like ya said. I kissed her and there was nothing there, not like there was when I kissed Barney. " Archie whispered not wanting anybody to hear but he still did feel bad at what he did to Rae and if he could take it back he would because she really was a special person.
"Arch you are fucking normal being gay doesn't make ya not!" Finn hated that Archie thought of himself that way. Archie gave Finn a small smile nodding his understanding.
"I do think what ya did to Rae was wrong but why did ya beg Rae to take ya back if she knew you were gay?" Archie huffed out a breath as he looked down than pursed his lips.
"I was making it up to her, when she caught me well you know, we talked and that's what she wanted me to do. To be quite honest I was happy to do it after what I did." Archie pushed up his glasses than took another drink of his pint; he was thankful Rae had forgiven him and that they were becoming close friends now.
"Well I'm glad ya made it up to her, you didn't see her all dressed up like Chloe and the look on her face when I told her ya stood her up. She didn't deserve that ya know." Finn said quietly but Arch could hear the anger in his voice as well.
"Why the hell did she dress up like Chloe for? She didn't need to do that I think she looks fine the way she is." Arch furrowed his brows in thought as a small idea as to why formed in his head .
"Well looking back on it was probably because you were supposed to be on a I don't know date!" Finn sarcastically said. "I'm still a bit pissed off at ya for making me tell her and not tell me it was a date. I wouldn't have done it if I knew. Had to go to her house the next day to tell her how much of a dick I thought you were for it. Told her to but a boot up ya arse." Finn said a little more tersely than he intended. He took out his tobacco tin and got out another cigarette lighting it, taking a drag of it to calm his nerves.
"Believe me I know I was a dick and ya know I do deserve a boot up my arse. Although I might like it too much." Archie said with a barely straight face looking at Finn who had a amused look on his face before he let out a chuckle blowing out his cigarette smoke in the process, Archie started to chuckle with him.
"You probably would." Both Friends chuckled harder until they were red in the face as Archie felt like the ease of there friendship had not changed with his coming out.
"So you really went to Rae's house, eh?" Archie raised his eyebrows as he took a sip of his drink hiding a knowing smirk on his lips, he had noticed the two of them getting closer since the night of Rae's party and after the funeral of Finn's nan.
"Yeah, well I didn't want her adding what I did to the long list of things she hated about me although it turns out it wasn't that long of a list." Finn had a look on his face that gave away his feelings for Rae that Archie caught.
"Why don't ya admit you fancy her? You're not exactly subtle mate I've seen ya check Rae out especially her chest area." Arch had a smug and knowing look on his face as Finn blushed at the mention of Rae's snuggle pups. Finn sometimes forgets his friend can read him like a book too and somehow wasn't surprised that Archie figured it out.
"Yeah I do she's got great taste in music; she's funny, has a great smile, her laughter is like music. She's so smart, I like to rile her up just to hear her talk and ague with he," Finn huffed out a laugh. "She's so strong and yet vulnerable. She's also so kind and beautiful." Finn said quietly with this grin on his face that Arch had never seen his friend have before when it came to a girl. Finn only wished he could tell Rae how he felt as easily as how he just told Archie but somehow when he's around Rae his mouth can't form words, his tongue feels heavy and he knows it would all come out wrong, so he sticks to music and easy topics.
"Yeah she is but I don't think she thinks that." Arch said thoughtfully as he pushed up his glasses as he voices his thoughts.
"What do ya mean?" Finn asked hoping Archie had some insight to Rae he didn't have.
"Just things I've picked up in conversations like how she subtlety puts herself down." Archie looked at Finn as Rae's words about what she said at the pool party when she got stuck on the slide and what she said about herself at the leisure center echoed in his brain.
"Well she shouldn't she's a amazing." Finn shook his head wishing Rae could see herself through his eyes if that was how she thought about herself, Archie saw Finn grin that told him his friend had fallen hard for this girl.
"Shit you got it bad for her." Archie observed as he finished his pint.
"Yeah but I don't know how she feels about me. I think I'm stuck in the firendzone, not that that's bad or anything, it just makes it harder." Finn sighed than he took another drag of his cigarette, Finn would be fine if Rae only wanted to be friends it was better to have her in his life in some way even if it wasn't in the what he wanted. He just knew it would probably take him a long time to get over her.
"Mate I think she feels the same way, I've seen the way she looks at you." Archie saw how much Rae looked at Finn, the feelings for him were written all over her face with each glance and smile when they talked.
"Do you really think that?" Finn had a small smile on his face with the hint of hope shining in his eyes.
"Yeah! Look Finn I say if you want to find out just get her alone or sommat and gage how she feels or just outright tell her"
"Arch you know that I'm no good with words or speaking." Finn said dejectedly tacking another drag of his cigarette still in awe at his nan's gift of talking that eluded him.
"Well say it with music, you two have that in common and she's smart enough to figure it out. At the right time tell her."
"Yeah that could work, I could invite her to listen to some crap reggae well she thinks it is anyways." Finn smiled at what Rae would most likely say about his music choices.
"Well tell me if it works out mate. Listen I've got to go I have something to do for my mum. I'll see ya at Rutlands latter yeah." Archie started to get up when Finn grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Archer thanks for telling me and I'll always got ya back ok." Archie truly felt blessed to have Finn as a friend.
"Ok, thanks Finn. See ya latter." Archie gratefully smiled at Finn.
"Yeah See ya at Rutlands latter." Finn patted Archie on the back before he left. Finn finished his cigarette as he made plans to invite Rae over to his. He saw them listening to some reggae and other music, when she understood what he was saying through music, he would tell her how he feels about her. Finn saw it as the perfect plan, after all what could go wrong.
