Title: Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo
Auhtor: NaiveCynical
Summary: AU in which a coupled Xander and Cordelia are having a fight over his ex-girlfriend, Willow and write a series of letters and diary entries. X/C
Author's Note: This story diverges from Buffy canon after A Lover's Walk, in season 3. In this universe, Willow and Xander dated for two month. After they broke up, Xander and Cordelia reunited.

Letters Between A Queen & Her Zeppo
Cordy

Thursday, February 17, 1999
Dear Xander,
I'm in my 5th period study hall, and a lot of things were on my mind which I really needed to write about. I know this will aggravate you alot because I keep telling you and everyone else that I have gotten over the you and Nerdy Willow With A Capital N thing, and "changing my mind". I keep reading that letter and feeling horrible again.

It isn't an issue of me trusting you or not, because I did blindly trust you again, more than anyone else does until I read that. You keep telling me that if I just trust you I will feel okay again, and everything will feel normal. Not only is saying that a clever little opportunity to make me feel guilty for not believing every damn word that comes out of your cheating mouth, it won't work for this situation.

The only thing that would make us perfectly okay again is if you had never written that letter. I know that you only wrote it to "get her off your back", but that is the kind of sense that's not. If you want to politely tell someone to stop being a lustful idiot over them, you write something like, "Dear Willow, I am sorry for hurting you like I did and I want you to know that it was nothing about you and you're a great person and I wanna hang out with you sometime, blah blah blah." You don't write a soul-bearing letter that say things like, and I quote, "I miss you so much that I cry everytime I think about you.", "You may not be what I think about all the time...but most of it I would say", or my personal favorite one," Your touch, the way your body feels, and your very essence makes me feel at home and blissfully content in your love".

Apparently, you don't understand that this is what I have been so paranoid about ever since I saw you and Geek Girl sucking face just before I got impaled with a rusty spike. I so don't believe for a nanosecond you wrote it to "get her off your back", no matter how well I trusted you, and I did trust you because no one else would. Things really hit the fan when Buffy found out you lied about about Angel getting recursed, didn't they? I mean, I could have still been a nasty bitch towards you while your precious Scooby Gang turned against you, but I knew that you needed someone so I decided to forgive you and be there for you.

I know that after you read this, you will convince me you love me and try to make me feel like you're truly boyfriendly again, but is it even possible? I keep reading that letter and feel more and more pathetic. Do you even really want to make things work? It's really horrible to keep going back and forth like this. I want to be at a point where everything is stable and all, but I'm not going off to Denial Land to make us work, either. We have alot of issues we need to work through, and I just want to know if you can.

Love(however stupid that may be),
Cordy

P.S. You're probaly mad that I call Willow names...well, I really don't care. She is the loser who stole my boyfriend and I will never like her again. So there!