A/N: A number of notes before I get started. 1. Invisible cookie to whomever gets the references (there are many, and the first one is the most obvious). Another invisible cookie to whomever knows what Greek legend I swiped the plot from. 2. If you don't like slash, especially slash involving a younger man and an older one, then go away (P.S., unrequited love sucks cinnamon arse and kerosene). 3. The POV changes midway through, in case that isn't obvious enough. 4. This is horribly, horribly tragic, and it's hard to write good tragedy when you've been listening to Weird Al all day, so kindly bear with me. Anyway, all that having been said, on with the fanfic (whee).
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The first thing I notice is that it is cold up here - the second, how terribly high up I am. I...I never notice it when I am flying - but perhaps, like Icarus, I have flown too high, and the Gods wish to punish me.
I could have borne it with equanimity if he had merely laughed at me - I have, after all, been laughed at many times - but what he said to me...
I do not even know if he even meant it. I know how shallow a boy he was, and how shallow a man he still remains at times. But when I confessed to him, he looked at me with those blue, blue eyes, and he...
He told me to prove it.
He told me to prove that I love him. (Does he need proof? Does he not see it, burning in my eyes?) Of course I could only ask him how I could prove such a thing - his reply horrifies me, but what may I do?
He told me that to prove my love, I should leap from a building - that way, he should know. If I cannot have him, I may as well - my heart has been trampled too many times for me to be able to go on.
And so, here I am.
I step to the very edge of the building.
And should I weep now, at the end of this life which has only been full of misery and shame? Should I weep, now that my pain will finally end? Shall my shattered heart - broken first by this man's mother, then by the man himself - be finally mended by death?
I finally step into the void, whispering my last words to him; 'I love you, Daniel - let it stand proven.'
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I didn't mean it - not really - but I was scared.
I didn't mean it - why didn't he know that I didn't mean it?
I was scared of what might happen, afraid to trust him - or myself. I could have loved him, if I'd had enough...enough time. After all, I am alone - sure, there's Sam and Tuck, but I know they'll never understand me like...he could have.
I heard about it on TV - it was all over the news. I mean, it's not every day that something like...that...happens.
I can't even clarify it in my own head - I can't, it hurts too much. And I drove him to it...
Something...when I heard the news, I was alone in my apartment, and something made me go and check my e-mail. I think I meant to ask Sam about it or something. Instead, though, I found it - his letter to me. His last letter to me, sent to my e-mail account the day after he...
And what it said choked me - every word of it is burned into my head, like it's engraved on the insides of my eyelids. It's all like some bad soap opera, only this is real life, and this guilt I feel is only too real. If it hadn't been for my fear...
Dammit, I can do anything - fight ghosts, face my own death, anything - without fear...and yet, I was afraid of him. I was afraid...I am afraid...of losing the people I love - and I was afraid to let myself love him, I know that now.
And now, he's...gone.
Why do I feel so empty? It's not like he didn't try to kill me, time and time again. But he stopped doing that just a few years ago, and ever since then...you could've called us friends, despite his teasing.
I'll never find anyone else like him - never find anyone else who will understand me like he could have. I guess...I guess I really did love him, despite everything. And maybe that's why I'm up here now.
It's hard to think about him - about how this was the last place he ever stood. What did he think about before he...?
I shake my head, unable to finish that thought. Why did he feel like he had to prove something to me? Especially something like...love.
"Vlad...I'm sorry," I whisper into the cold night air. I'm crying now. "I love you, too," I add, hoping that somehow, he will hear me, wherever he is.
And then, I follow him.
