Of Oddities and Goldfish Ghosts



Author's Note: Yeah, I know…this is kind of a weird plot. It's full of insanity and such. I don't want to be responsible if your mind bursts into flames. But we all seem to enjoy that in the Zim section, don't we? This is my first solo fic that I've posted. I co-wrote a few other ones with Xander a while ago. "The One Where Zim Succeeds" and "Attack of the Flannel-Hating Killer Robot" to name a few. So…let me know if you like this one.

Disclaimer: Invader Zim is Jhonen Vasquez's creation. A very good creation. Yes it is. I own nothing except Cheddar, the psychopathic goldfish.



CHAPTER ONE: Cheddar the Psychopathic Goldfish

Across the sidewalk, an impossibly chubby circus clown was inexplicably throwing up. It looked as though he had eaten a combination of orange peels and chocolate syrup. GIR watched happily from the window of Zim's lair. People could be thoroughly entertaining at times.

Zim was down in his mass of labs, consulting his computer about sumo wrestlers, and if they posed any danger to him in his quest of world domination.

The circus clown hurled up what could only be his lungs, for he was gagging so hard. GIR giggled.

Dib happened to be walking along the same sidewalk as the morbidly ill clown, due to his own misfortune. He stepped carefully around the hurling thing, while at the same time sneaking suspicious glances at the deranged appearance of the alien's house nearby, wondering what hopeless plot he was up to now.

"HIYA, MR. DIB GUY!!!" squealed GIR from inside, waving hysterically, pointlessly pleased to have seen someone he recognized.

Dib was mildly taken aback by this and, knowing he had been seen and it would be a waste to try and sneak in now, walked dejectedly down the street, away from Zim's house and toward his own.

~

Somewhere on the other side of the city, an elderly woman who curiously resembled a bulbous parakeet wept over the loss of a pet goldfish she had loved for so long. She had called him Cheddar, and that fish had kept her company as she mindlessly knitted away the hours, pausing every now and then to breakdance. She remembered, fondly, the moments that she had taken the fish from its bowl and had tossed it about in the air as she spun around on the floor.

And now those days were all gone, all gone in the instant Cheddar left this world. The old woman was assailed with a fresh wave of tears as she stared at her dead pet, floating on its side in its bowl. She'd have to give him a proper burial, as any self-respecting ancient granny ought to.

Yet…she had assumed Cheddar to be completely gone. But his ghost still lingered….and it began roaming the city in search of a young human's mind to possess…

~

Dib sighed as he stared at the background on his computer. It was a picture he'd scanned in from a UFO magazine. It was a large, intricate crop circle that had been found in Wisconsin.

He yawned. He was getting tired, and it was late at night. He didn't know if Gaz was still playing her Game Slave in front of the TV, or if she'd left. Dib had just finished communicating with his fellow Swollen Eyeball members. He closed his eyes and fell asleep in front of the crop circle- decorated screen.

Cheddar's ghost filtered into the house through an open window in the living room. If someone didn't have an open eye for the paranormal, they wouldn't have noticed the faintest thing. Yet if they were alert, and were prepared for the coming of a goldfish ghost, they might have been able to detect the faintest glimmer of scales, tinted silver in the moonlight, which seemed to rob it of its invisibility.

Cheddar somehow knew that there would be someone for him to possess in this house. He felt himself swim through the air, although he had not really done so. (A/N: I had a fish named Cheddar. He's dead too.) Pretty smart for a fish.

Gaz sat on the sofa, clicking away relentlessly at her Game Slave. She'd defeated this level so many times that she would probably be able to beat it even if she were unconscious. Still, being the dedicated gamer that she was, this level was a vital source of entertainment, and she played on.

Minutes later, she paused her game and looked around the room. She sniffed the air, which had oddly begun to reek of cannibals slathered in salsa juices. Gaz turned her attention to the doorway when she heard a footstep in that general direction. The door creaked open, and on it stood –

"HI! I'm Earl the Loincloth Salesman!" said a hideously overweight man in his mid-sixties, clad in nothing but a pink loincloth. The horror….

Gaz grabbed a baseball bat from a corner, and brandished it at him. "Leave this place or die," she muttered.

Earl the Loincloth Salesman gave a startled look and ran out the door, a trail of salsa mysteriously left in his path.

Gaz shuddered with annoyance and resumed level 19. People these days….

Cheddar's wandering spirit had witnessed this. No, he wouldn't possess that girl. She seemed as though she would condemn him to a nightmare world of magical lemons if she ever found out she'd been possessed. Cheddar was a wise judge of character. Especially for a fish. (A/N: Why does Cheddar want to possess someone? Well…just because.)

He allowed himself to float into another room, where a sleep-deprived boy rested with his face on a keyboard. He had spiky hair, glasses, and one heck of a nice trench coat. Cheddar couldn't feel as much about his personality as he had been able to for the dangerous girl in the other room.

This would be the one he would possess; this would be the unfortunate kid to have his mind controlled by the ghost of a goldfish who had nothing better to do.

~

Directly across from Dib's house, on the sidewalk, four manta rays seemingly fell out of the sky. They exchanged bored looks and proceeded to explode.

"Yep…they're getting ready for the 4th of July earlier every year," wheezed a bald, elderly man in the adjacent yard. "They're making them new…uh…pyrotechnic manta rays this year…mm…yeah…" he added to no one in particular.

~

Cheddar had successfully blended his spirit with Dib's mind. It had been morning for several hours now, and Dib sat, asleep, with his head still on the keyboard. His computer jammed in protest and eventually shut itself off.

An alarm clock beeped somewhere in the room, causing him to jolt awake. All he knew was that he wanted water. Not necessarily to breathe, but just if he could wallow in it…

Dib shook his head. Something was strange. He followed the smell of burnt toast and salsa emanating from the kitchen. He found Professor Membrane brutally mutating a piece of what might have been recognizable as whole wheat bread a few moments ago. Gaz sat at the table with a glass of soda and a bowl of cereal.

"You know, we do have skool today," she muttered.

Somewhere inside Dib's head, a quiet, bubbly voice murmured, /What is this…skool?/ Dib shook his head in frustration again. He knew what skool was. How dumb….he wanted to say something…. "NO! THOSE ARE NOT AVERAGE CANTALOUPES, YOU EVIL PENGUIN!" What? He hadn't meant to say that… "No! I meant….um…I think I'm possessed or something…I've heard of this happening before…kind of cool actually…"

Gaz suppressed a laugh and a few cruel words. Instead all she said was, "I can't wait to see the idiocy that ensues from your stupid self today."

Whatever portion Dib still had control of in his mind felt numb. They had skool…he was uncontrollably insane…this was going to be interesting.

~





Yep. I said this was gonna have a strange plot. I liked writing it, though. There will be much heavier doses of insanity in chapters to come.