Disclaimer: I do not own FAKE. I lay claim to the compilation of the words that comprise this story.
Author's Notes: This is my first FAKE piece. Well, the first one that I have followed through past the first few paragraphs. Upon completing the series, I realized that I had, somehow, become a fan of the pairing of Ryo and J.J. I searched for any Ryo/J.J. fanfiction pieces, and found absolutely nothing. (Well, okay, I found one, but, it was a sex scene, and Dee was involved). In the spirit of my lack of discovery, I decided to write my own piece. One thing led to another, and I decided upon a few surprises for the sequel. (Hint, hint). Anyway, I will stop rambling, now, and let you move on to the actual story. Enjoy!
The cold of that February morning hit Ryo full in the face, as he stepped out of the front door of his apartment building. It still amazed him that he could actually feel anything, anymore. For the past two weeks, he had been so numb to the world around him, that it seemed as though nothing could ever get through to him, again. For the first few days of said two weeks, he was not sure that he cared, either way.
Dee was gone. He was gone, and Ryo had no idea where to. He missed that dark haired, green eyed man, a fact that he could not and would not deny. Every time that he thought about Dee, Ryo had to physically fight the urge to fall to his knees, break down, and cry. As it was, he cried himself to sleep on a nightly basis, in his now much too cold, much too empty bed. The sheets still smelled like Dee, as did his pillow. For this reason, Ryo had refrained from changing anything in the room. To do that would mean that he was shutting out the part of his life that had once been inhabited by Dee Laytner, his friend, his partner, his lover. Ryo could not bear to move on, not yet, not so soon. Hell, part of him still hoped and prayed that Dee would clear his head, and come home.
But, he never did. Two weeks became a month, one month became six, and before he knew it, life seemed to be returning to normal. Well, that was, as normal as it could have been, after everything had happened. Ryo's work ethic, which had never truly faltered, in the first place, returned to what it once had been. He began to smile, again, after so many months of living with a frown permanently etched into his features. Life was beginning to look just as beautiful as he had once remembered it to be. Ryo had not moved on, completely. Such a thing would take quite a bit of time to occur. For the time being, however, he was doing very well.
Of course, he had not gotten through those six months by himself. Ryo would have fallen, had it not been for Bikky and Carol, who had seen him through the toughest of moments, never leaving him by himself in that entire half year span. It was not until they were completely satisfied that Ryo was once again the tall brunette that they had come to love, that they decided to back off. Even then, the process of regaining his own individual grip on his own life was a slow one. However, Ryo understood that the two kids were just looking out for his well being. For that, alone, he would be eternally grateful.
May God be damned, he thought, if I ever let those kids down.
It was not until August that Ryo took a good look at what the last few months of his life had been about, at where they had gone. While he was still recovering, Ryo had to smile at the progress that he had made, with the help of his friends, and his family. His colleagues at work had been a terrific help, as well. The chief, who had known about Ryo's relationship with Dee, and had conveniently overlooked it a few times, had been the greatest of them all. He had allowed Ryo to take a week of vacation time, when the young detective had only asked for a few days. Chief Smith had said that he would pull a few strings, knowing that Ryo would not be working up to his full potential, and get him the time. Just as Ryo had expected, the chief stuck by his promise. This was something else for which the brunette would be forever grateful.
The only member of the squad that did not play the sympathy card with Ryo was J.J. This did not truly surprise Ryo, as he felt that the younger man was most likely very upset. Granted, not as utterly devastated as Ryo, himself, but, the older man felt that J.J. was hurting, as well. He also knew that, as he had not spoken to J.J., he could not even think about truly judging his pain. All that Ryo could say was that his pain surpassed that of anyone else, as no one else was hurting in the exact same way. The younger detective had said nothing to Ryo beyond what he needed to get across to him for work. Other than that, the last six months had met Ryo with what appeared to be the age old tradition of the cold shoulder. To some degree, this worried the brunette, as he found himself wondering if J.J. was truly all right.
Which was why, as he sat at his desk, Ryo could not concentrate on the task at hand. The incident report that sat before him was a haze, as he considered several different things at once. Another month had passed, and Ryo found himself slipping into the slight chill of September. It had been seven months, seven long, excruciating months of putting up a brave front for everyone around him, as well as for himself. Seven months of emptiness, loneliness, and sorrow. Seven months of self-assertion and growth. Seven months of recovery. So far, Ryo was proud of himself, proud that he had not completely faltered in the face of his loss. He had shed his tears, had screamed himself hoarse, and, now, he was getting along fine. Ryo had released his pains and frustrations, and made a valiant attempt at continuing his life. It still hurt, that Dee was gone, but, he was finally able to say that he was starting to let go.
While the thoughts of his recovery flooded his thoughts, his concern for J.J. continued to increase, on a daily basis. The young man looked like hell, and it just seemed to be getting worse. On this particular morning, J.J. had come into the office looking completely worn out and run down. Ryo had wondered if he had even slept the night before. If he had, it sure as hell did not show. This worried Ryo, something that he did not do very often, anymore. He made the sudden, unconscious decision to check in with J.J., the next time that he saw him.
It nearly scared Ryo, as the individual in question walked right past his open office door, just as the thought had left his mind, never once looking up. As the younger man came into his sight, Ryo rose from his seat, and walked toward the break room, where J.J. had disappeared into. Stepping across the threshold of the room, Ryo frowned, taking in the sight of his colleague, as the young man attempted to feed a one dollar bill into the vending machine. Unfortunately, the dollar bill appeared to be much too wrinkled to be accepted, and the machine kept spitting it back out. J.J. either did not notice, or did not care, as he continued to push the same dollar bill into the slot of the machine. Again, the currency was rejected, and, once again, J.J. pressed the money back. The part of this whole scenario that nearly scared Ryo to death was the fact that J.J. seemed completely unfazed by this whole situation. The young man was not getting even the slightest bit frustrated, which was quite unnerving to the chestnut brown haired man that stood in the doorway.
Finally, unable to stomach this display any longer, Ryo reached into his pocket, and pulled out a one dollar bill. He stepped toward J.J., and held out the money for the younger man.
"J.J.?" Ryo asked. Upon hearing Ryo's words, J.J. flinched, a little. This made Ryo uneasy, but, he continued. "Here, take this one," he offered, quietly. "It's not so crumpled. It might work better."
It took a moment, but J.J. finally reached out his hand, and gently took the offered money from Ryo. He did not make eye contact, or speak, and merely nodded his thanks, as he pressed the crumpled piece of paper of his own into the older man's hand. He returned to what he was doing, and fed the money into the vending machine. Thankfully, the machine accepted this dollar bill, and J.J. almost looked relieved. He pressed a few buttons, and retrieved his snack after it had dropped from its resting place. Turning, J.J. made his way toward the doorway. He did not get far, however, as Ryo decided to speak what was on his mind.
"J.J.?" he called, as the younger man neared the doorway. J.J. stopped, but never turned around, and said nothing. Ryo took this as a sign to continue, and opened his mouth to speak, once more. "J.J., are you all right?" he asked, deciding to get straight to the point. He was met with silence. "Look, I know that you are upset. Anyone can see that from a mile away on a foggy day." He smiled, his best attempt at humor. Once again, he received no reply. To this, Ryo could not help but sigh. "I'm…" he hesitated. "I'm worried about you, J.J. This isn't like you. I have never, in the two and a half years that I have been here, seen you this upset."
Hearing Ryo's confession, J.J. turned around, and looked at the older man. What Ryo saw in J.J.'s eyes in that moment scared the hell out of him. There was no feeling, not even pain. There was just a ghostly shadow of what was once the bright sparks of life that once found their way into the young man's eyes. Ryo was so mesmerized by this sudden revelation, that he made no move to stop J.J., as he turned, and walked out of the break room. It took a moment, but Ryo was soon following J.J. at a pretty close distance, right into the younger man's office. When J.J. noticed that Ryo had followed him, he looked him in the eyes, with that same empty, lifeless gaze from just a moment before.
"Shut the door," J.J. requested, after a moment. Ryo did as he was asked, and shut the office door.
The minute that the latch clicked, Ryo lost all sense of what was happening. He felt arms around his waist, and looked down to see that J.J. was on his knees, sobbing uncontrollably. Ryo maneuvered his way to the floor, and could not help but try to wrap his arms around the figure that was now desperately clinging to his legs. There was no time for Ryo's mind to process how truly awkward the situation was. In a matter of seconds, he had pulled J.J. away from his legs, and up to his eye level. Looking the younger man in the eyes, Ryo paused for a moment, before pulling J.J. into a tight embrace. He gently rocked the man back and forth in his arms, as he listened to the quiet sobs that escaped J.J.'s throat.
"Shhh," Ryo breathed, his best attempt at calming the hysterical form in his arms. He let his left hand travel to J.J.'s hair, running his fingers through the short strands. "It's okay. Let it out, J.J. I'm here." J.J. seemed to cry harder at these words, and Ryo eased his way toward the door, where he turned the lock. There was no need to have anyone else witness this moment. Pressing his back against the wall beside the door, Ryo slid down, until he was seated on the floor, and pulled J.J. into his lap. J.J.'s head was soon pressed against Ryo's neck, and the older man tightened his embrace. He continued to rock the younger man in his arms, and whispered soothing words into his ear.
The two stayed in their respective positions for several moments. Just as Ryo began to worry that J.J. had suffered a serious mental break, the sobs began to subside, as he felt the younger man's breathing begin to even out, and his body relaxed. It was then that Ryo realized that his colleague had fallen asleep in his arms. He smiled, and placed a gentle kiss on the top of J.J.'s head.
"Rest, J.J.," he whispered, knowing that the man in his arms could not hear him. "I'll be right here, when you wake up."
