"Tina!" Rachel called, chasing after Tina in the hallway. Tina's arms were clutched around the stack of books for the next class like her life depended on it. Rachel's feet scuttled quickly across the floor, her shoes tapping under her. Her arms swung rigidly at her sides in determination, catching up with the girl in front of her. Tina turns around, her face tired and unamused. Rachel didn't notice the expression on her face at first, standing brightly in front of her, "I've been looking for you all day!" She says cheerily, grinning.
"Hi, Rachel," Tina says quietly, shifting her weight to one foot. She breathes a little impatiently, running a hand through her hair. Rachel opened her mouth to speak, her expression quickly changing. She furrows her eyebrows, observing Tina's outfit. Her eyes trailed back up to her hair, noticing it was plain, only with a few blonde lowlights. The once bright, popping colors usually residing in between the strands were gone. Nothing else was there. Tina's style was changing rapidly, switching from the slightly intimidating goth/punky kind of style to… Well, she didn't know what that was. It was plain, and from what Rachel knew, Tina was never, ever plain.
"What —What's wrong, Tina?" She says quietly, her voice nearly a whisper. Rachel wasn't very good with people, but Tina was her friend, even if Broadway dreams were higher friends on Rachel's list than real ones. Tina rolls her eyes, swallowing.
"Why do you care, Rachel? I've never been a big deal to you and I certainly am not now. Don't bother me. I'm not in the mood," Tina spits, immediately realizing how mean that sounded after she said it. She started to walk away, tears welling up in her eyes. Tina was… tired, to put it simply. Tired of the world. Tired of being tired. She didn't want to deal with it anymore, clutching her books close again and taking a few steps away from the other girl before Rachel put a hand on her arm. For some reason, Tina stopped. The simplest gesture, stopping her in her angry tracks. Tina didn't turn around, facing ahead.
"Why don't we go sit down?" Rachel offers quietly, her face solemn. Tina nods, not exactly sure why she did it. Outside of Mike, Tina didn't consider herself to have any friends. Mike. Tina thought hard about the name, not really associating it with a friend figure. Mike was a boyfriend. It was hard to associate him with being a friend to her, not really remembering them being together and just being goofy and simple, nothing else. Before she could start to cry, Tina looked up at the ceiling, sitting down on the hall bench with Rachel. She blinked, holding everything back. Rachel sat close to her, trying to comfort her, "Do—Do you want to talk to me?"
Tina did. Besides talking to herself or scribbling down notes in a journal, Tina didn't have anyone to listen to her. She used to have that.
In Artie.
Artie. His name stood out a little more prominently in her mind. He was the friend figure. He was the one that she could sit on the floor with, throwing food at each other and slamming buttons on the Nintendo 64 controllers. He was the one she jokingly fought with when they lost rounds of Mario Kart to each other. He was the one she could clutch close to her, venting and crying into his shoulder until she was too tired to go on. Artie never minded that, letting her cry herself out. That's something he was always good for. Listening to her. Tina swallowed hard, their breakup still standing in the way of everything else. When they broke up, Tina lost her best friend. That's not all she lost.
She lost her ability to not be tired all of the time. She was tired of getting up every day only to be greeted by a sloppy kiss and nothing else. No goofy handshake or anything.
"This is going to sound so stupid," Tina choked out, keeping her feelings buried deep inside of her. "It really will." Rachel pursed her lips, frowning again.
"I don't think it will. What's the matter?" Rachel crossed her legs, her foot dangling down above the floor. She tapped it in the air absentmindedly, picking at a thread on her skirt, "What happened to the streaks? What about the cool outfits you always wore? They aren't exactly my style, but I think that's the part that really completed you, Tina," She pauses, looking over at her. "Remember that week Principal Figgins told you you weren't allowed to wear those outfits anymore? Remember how hard you fought so you could wear them? What happened?" Tina started to sniffle a little, wiping the few tears that leaked out.
"You have to promise you will never tell anyone, Rachel," Tina warns, eyeing her. "I'm serious." Rachel nodded rapidly, thrusting out her pinky.
"I promise, Tina." She nods again, reassuring the other girl.
"A—Artie always used to come with me to pick out the colors for my streaks," She sniffles, losing it. "He would put up with the smell when we dyed them. I never really could do them by myself. I just kind of got tired of doing them by myself. I started doing less and less of them until I only had one. That last one," She hiccups, "Was me trying to let go. I want to let go of him and live my life happily again, but I c-can't. I can't," Tina whimpers, turning and wrapping her arms around Rachel. She didn't care that Rachel jumped in surprise or patted her back awkwardly. She still didn't let go.
Down the hall, a quiet Artie closed his locker, swallowing hard and rolling down the hall to his next class. Tina's voice still echoed in his mind as he shut the door, biting his lip.
Neither of them were ever very good at letting go.
