CHAPTER ONE
Prologue ~ Dreams
I open my eyes to find myself standing in a park - not just a park, it is the park where we played painball in Tris' year initiation, which feels like decades ago, when in fact, it has only been a year. The park is empty, looking abandoned just like the last time I have seen it.
It is still the same, but somehow, I feel something is off in the air. Like there is something missing.
Or maybe it's the atmosphere, which feels cold and unfamiliar, like there is something missing, but I don't know what is.
My gaze falls on the Ferris wheel, and I think, of course. Flashbacks immediately hit me, and suddenly, it's like I'm watching myself and Tris climbing the Ferris wheel all over again, and I feel a pang in my chest, knowing that she is gone, and she will never come back.
I remember playing painball. I remember Tris saying that we will get a better view from up there. I remember climbing it with her, and me confessing that I'm aftaid of heights.
I remember her almost falling due to the broken rail and me catching her. I remember the feeling of my fingers brushing her skin. I remember her almost falling from the Ferris wheel, and I remember saving her - well, sort of.
I smile remembering my memories with Tris that are somehow bittersweet, before gets knocked by reality. She isn't here. She is gone. I am never going to see her again. And it hurts.
I wish I have had the chance to say goodbye. I wish she would have left me a warning that she will be gone, and never coming back forever.
I want to blame Caleb, really, but I know I can't. I want to yell at him for letting her take his position. I want to yell at him for not stopping her. I want to yell at him because it is him who is supposed to die, not her, but I can't.
It's not his fault that Tris died. Not his fault that Tris has chosen this. Not his fault that she is just too selfless. Of course she would have done it. Of course she would have taken his position.
But all along, I know it is myself I want to blame. I wish I have gone with her the day she died, to have her come with me and make sure she's safe, even if it angers her. But most importantly, I wish I have spend the rest of my time with her, instead of arguing all the time. I wish I have kept her company before she died.
Tris has always been a tough and strong girl. She isn't what I can call feminine, because she wears pants almost all the times - I've never even seen her with skirt or dress on - and has her hair cropped short. But now, as I close my eyes, I try to imagine her without any gears on. I imagine her wearing a white dress, with her blonde hair down, looking ever so free. I imagine her smiling at me, her blue-grey eyes sparkling. I imagine her standing right in front of me, her small hand caressing my face ever so gently.
I open my eyes, again, to find Tris standing right in front of me. Wearing the same white dress I have imagined her wearing, smiling, barefoot. She smiles warmly at me, and I can only wish this isn't a dream.
"Tris?" I say quietly, it almost sounds like a whisper. "Is that you?"
Tris doesn't reply, only looking at me with the same adoring expression. God, I've missed her.
I reach out my hand to stroke her hair, praying that she is real. Tris takes my hand and intertwines it with hers. She still doesn't say anything.
Tris speaks, but strangely, when she does, I find her lips not moving. It is as if she has spoken to my mind, and I jerk away in surprise.
It's me, Tobias. Don't worry, her voice speaks softly into my mind. I find it rather soothing that scary.
I take a step forward, wrapping my arms around her small figure. I burry my face in her hair, inhaling her scents deeply.
"Don't leave me alone," I murmur against her ear.
Tris replies the hug, wrapping her arms around my neck. One of her hands is rubbing my back comfortingly, and I find myself wanting to stay there forever, in her arms.
I won't. Her voice whispers in my head.
I will be lying if I say it doesn't reassure me and calms me down. I nod, before tightening my arms around her.
We stay in that position, for who knows how long. I still don't know whether I an dreaming or not, but even if I am dreaming - which I hope I'm not - I really don't want to think about it right now. Right now, I just want to stay here, in Tris's embrace while it lasts.
I haven't planned in ruining the moment, but I know I have to ask her. I want to make sure this is real. That she is real. She's really here with me.
"Tris," I say, letting go of her, not willingly. I don't necessarily step away, just enough for me to be able to look at her face.
Yes? Although the voice is really calm and gentle, I can't help but think that Tris doesn't usually sound this way. I must be imagining things.
"Is this real?" I ask her. Her blue-grey eyes stare into my own dark blue ones as I beg her with my eyes to tell me that this is real. That I am not dreaming. However, I'm afraid as to what she will say next.
Both of her hands are cupping my face right now. Her fingers are stroking my face, softly, as she stares into my eyes intensely, as if trying to tell me something. I don't get what she is saying, so I only shake my head.
She opens her mouth to say something, but when she does, it isn't her voice that comes out. It's a way deeper voice, clearly isn't Tris'. I can only hear half of what it is saying.
" - to work. Wake up, Four!"
I frown. "What's happening?"
She doesn't give me any explanation. Tris only furrows her eyebrows slightly. You have to wake up, Tobias.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Of course. Of course this is a dream. It's too good to be true. How can I, even for a second there, really think that this is real?
"Don't leave me," I say.
She shakes her head. I'm not leaving you. But you have to wake up.
I shake my head again, ever so stubbornly. "No."
She doesn't say anything after that, because she starts to fade, and everything dissolves into blackness.
