A/N: This was written from 12ish AM last night to 12ish AM as of August 21st. Thank you anon_meme people for making the baggy eyes worth it.

Whoever finds the Smallville reference or the Nostalgia Critic reference wins a soggy cookie (or a something else because not everyone appreciates soggy cookies.)

There's multiple ships, some of which are slashy.

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Before the Tide Rolls In

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The whole affair was Wally's fault. It was Wally who had been complaining none stop about how the team's leader was always "too stiff" or "leader-y" or "responsible" or "uncomplaining-y" or "formal" or, or, or...

And really, as much as the rest of the team didn't want to listen to Kid Mouth's never-ending psychoanalysis of Kaldur, they had to admit that there was a real problem with Kaldur's land dwelling social life. That is to say, his non-existent social life, unless you counted the team which, really, you shouldn't because it's a mental nightmare for all your friends to be co-workers.

By the time Wally had burst into the rec room that afternoon and declared that he had a plan to fix Kaldur, everyone was ready to throw in their support for the betterment of their leader.

Wally's plan could be explained in all of one sentence: "We need to get Kaldur laid, guys, like, now!"

So this is how the team finds themselves setting out on a burning summer day with the secret ultimate mission: getting Kaldur a date (not laid because Megan found the term too coarse).

Robin takes up the role of leader as it would be unsuitable for Aqualad, normal leader or not, to plan his own blind date.

"Phase one is convincing Kaldur to go somewhere outside of the cave without tipping him off about anything-"

"Fishy," Wally finishes. "Rob, you're a hoot."

"Shut-up!"

"Make me?"

And it's by this time (only forty-five seconds into the secret ultimate mission) that Conner, Artemis and Megan decide that the plan's management (Dick and Wally) need to be replaced ASAP.

"So...who's the leader?" Artemis asks.

Conner's excuse is that he doesn't really know how exactly to get Kaldur a date and, considering he's a clone and who has never had a date himself, Artemis agrees that it would be best to keep him away from any leadership duties. Artemis turns to Megan.

"Um," Megan says with a blush.

And it's by this time (only one minute and fifty-three seconds into the secret ultimate mission) that Artemis realizes that she's the one who is going to get blamed if this whole mission backfires, even though it is all Wally's idea, because she's going to lead this expedition.

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Artemis finds that it's not that hard to convince Kaldur to take a trip to the local pool.

"Kal, me and Meg are going swimming at the pool later. There's a hot tub; you want to come and try it?" she asks as they finish their spar. "Wally and Robin have already invited themselves."

Kaldur doesn't respond while he splashes cold water to cool his burning skin.

"It would mean a lot to Megan if you came," Artemis claims as Kaldur finishes washing his face.

"I suppose, I could make time." He glances at himself in the mirror as he turns off the faucet. "Of course, I would have to wear some sort of surfing swimwear to cover my gills. Would that be acceptable?"

"That's fine." A catty smile lights up the her face. "M'gann is already freaking out about getting the nerve to ask Superboy to come," she references Megan's crush casually. She laughs and expertly switches gears.

"I remember the first guy I was that awkward around. It's weird feeling, you know?" Kaldur dries his face. Kaldur, ever polite, doesn't respond until the towel no longer can muffle his words.

"Well, I've told you about Tula," he says. The unflinching directness of his cool colored eyes disturbs Artemis. If Artemis didn't know any better she'd say that Kaldur was hiding a lot of pain on the Tula subject. That doesn't add up with what he's told the team about his pseudo girl back home.

It's by this time (actively over an hour into the secret ultimate mission) that Artemis realizes Kaldur that needs someone really, really badly. She can practically see the heart which he wears on his sleeve bleeding out onto the washroom floor.

"Change of plans. We're going now, as in right this very moment, so change your scales and shine your lip hook piercings," she orders.

Kaldur doesn't really know what to say to that so he just nods and goes to find his swim-gear.

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