stinkingdrunk
Drinking Can Be Dangerous

Narrator: This will hopefully be a funny story, for it begins in a funny place for Link to be. Link was coming home from Zelda's birthday party, but is so stinking drunk that he's barfing his guts out in the lake. When he finished blowing chunks, he turned for home, staggering and shouting odd things at the top of his lungs.

Marathon Runner: (grumbling) I can't get my beauty rest with that idiot out there carrying on. (picks up tin-can, rattles it)

Soldiers HQ: (desk soldier picks up rattling tin can) Yes?

Marathon Runner: (into can) There's a drunk dude out here by my tent!

Soldier: All right, we're dispatching a soldier to look into it.

Link: Hic! A mundred nottles of near-sightedness in the hall! Hic! Drink a few, stop at the lake to spew! A mundred fottles- Hic!

Soldier: All right buddy, I need ta ask you some questions.

Link: Hic! Get outta my house! Hic!

Soldier: (looks around at trees and open land) Your house?

Link: Hic! I said get outta here you no good piece of kleenex! Hic!

Soldier: Are you drunk?

Link: Hic! I hate you, will you barry me?

Soldier: (tackles Link, slaps handcuffs on him)

Link: I love you, now go away! Hic!

Soldier: (escorts Link to jail)

Link: (falls asleep, wakes up in the morning when he realizes someone is stealing his boots) Huh? (gasps) It's you!

Sakon: That's right, I raced to Hyrule after I escaped, and was thrown in jail for theft of a piece of bread. (starts to sob) I stole all sorts of stuff in Clock Town, but couldn't steal a lousy piece of bread! This is your fault! (tackles Link)

Soldier: Your time's up Li- Oh, brawling eh? That's quite serious!

**In Court**

Link: Not Guilty!

Judge: Sit down you liar!

Link: But I want to present my case.

Judge: Denied! I find you and Sakon guilty, and sentence you to be handcuffed together for the next 5000000 days. Muhahahahahahahahahaha!

Link's Lawyer: Oh well, you owe me 50 rupees.

Link: Why you! (dives at him)

Judge: Make that 60000000000 days.

Link's Lawyer: I might sue for the air molecules he disturbed when he dove at me.

Judge: Guilty! You'll spend the rest of your life living with Sakon!

**Will Link Survive, read part 2 to find out**