A.N. This is an episode tag for "My Blue Heaven" episode 6x09. I wanted to explore Lisbon's thoughts as she comes to terms with Jane reappearing in her life.

Choices

Lisbon was dumbfounded by the turn of events. Jane had exploded into her life as if he had never left and yanked her footing from under her. Two years of quietly building a stable existence and bam, here he was trying to send her life into a spin with his demands. Oh how she had missed him!

"We'll talk about it later" he had said. Lisbon knew that was code for, just go with it, trust me. The trouble was, she didn't know if she could this time. All those years he had taken her for a ride and here he was casually trying to sweep her up in it again. Whilst he was gone she had reflected on her relationship with Jane, she had time to explore where she stood in their relationship. It was laughable to think she had once believed she was the one in charge, steering the way. It had always been Jane maneuvering and positioning, playing them all, especially her. Her beliefs and values had been set on end in her desire to protect him and she had eventually been more than happy to play the supporting role to Jane's finale.

In the end, he got what he planned for. But was it what he really wanted? Could he now move on? His letters had given her glimpses of a new Jane, struggling for peace. He shared snippets of his life and his thoughts but he was still caught, he still needed her. His loneliness had bled through the ink and into her heart.

And she loved him. She had sacrificed everything for him and she knew she would again, in a heartbeat. He would only have to look at her and she would be under his spell. How could she not?

The real question was, should she?

Her life was stable, quiet and satisfying, everything she had never had. She had embraced her new job and had begun to make a home. She had arrived with her career and personal life in tatters. The fragments of her shattered expectations had pierced her at first, but the simple routines and the close knit community had begun a much needed healing process. She finally had a semblance of control. Life really was good.

To throw herself back into the whirlwind that was Jane's life would risk far more than her composure. She had a lot more at stake to lose now.

Jane didn't have the benefit of glimpses into her new life. She had never had the chance to reply to his letters. He didn't know how content she was, how much she had needed to heal. She had always been there for him, been strong for him – but she didn't believe that he had ever really noticed just how much it had cost her. He had been so obsessed and self absorbed. He really was a selfish ass. But he was her selfish ass.

So. She now had a choice. Regardless of what Jane believed, she did have a choice.

Jump on the Jane wagon or stay safe and secure? He was so arrogant, he hadn't even thought she would object. Hadn't asked if she wanted to work with him again.

How surprised would Jane be if she said no?

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So – I wanted to play with the idea that Lisbon would surprise Jane by not working with him at the FBI. Hope that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.