Why You Should Not Trust Alice As a Babysitter
Chapter I
Written by: AllApologies451994
A/N: You guys voted, and here it is. Alice shall be the next victim in our little story. This will sort of be different, but it will have all the same humor elements as the two prequels did. Bert WILL be in here... (numerous shouts of YAY! are heard in the background), and maybe a few... special... guest stars will be in here. I hope you enjoy the first chapter of the new installment! :D
Disclaimer: I own nothing except Bert and my own wacky ideas!
"...Who's next?" asked Emmett in a mischievous tone. He looked all around at all the Cullens (who had just entered the room). Everyone looked frightened... All except one brave soul.
"I'll do it! It'll be sooooo much fun!!!"
"Are you insane, woman!?"
"...What I think Jasper is trying to say is... well, exactly what he just said."
"God bless you Alice, for you are probably the bravest soul in here tonight... SEE Y'ALL LATER!"
And with that, everyone ran out, with Emmett leading the parade. Alice turned around to see Renesmee staring at her funny, and Bert right behind her.
"Um, excuse me, but... who the heck are you?"
"O, me? I'm Bert the Hobo. But you can just call me Bert."
"OMG really!? I LOVE that name! Dude, we can so be like, BFFs! We can go to the mall and get our nails done and EVERYTHING!"
"O yea, son! ...I need a new wardrobe, too!"
"Well then, I guess I can help with you... But first, you've GOT to get rid of that flannel..."
"...Well, okay then...."
"Um, I'm the baby here! Aren't you supposed to be watching me!?"
Bert seemed to be hurt by this remark, and he looked at her funny.
"You're not THE baby, you're just A baby. I am THE BABY!"
"Dude, how old are you, anyways?"
"...29...."
"Then I'm the baby."
"Nuh-uh, I was the baby before you were even thought about being born."
"Nessie, don't argue with Bert. He may bring you down to his level and then beat you with experience. Besides, why don't you go destroy uncle Emmett's room while I help with Bert's wardrobe."
"Well, when you put it like that... okay then!"
So she went and destroyed Emmett's room, Bert's room, Jasper's room, and drew pictures all over the living room walls.
Alice was deciding what color best suited Bert when all of a sudden she heard a loud bang downstairs. And then the phone rang.
Alice ran downstairs and answered the phone.
"Hello? ...No, I didn't... What do you mean, there's a random youngun outside my house? ....Who is this!?"
And then she hung up and ran outside.
There was Nessie, holding some random dude in a headlock, grinning at Alice.
"Well, looks like this is harder than I thought it was."
A/N: Well, there you have it. I really hope you've enjoyed it. And I'm sorry about the shortness, but this is just an introduction to the actual story. The REAL meat of the story will follow in the next chapters. Anyways, please read and review and show me LOTS of love! :D
