Disclaimer: I don't own it. Any of it.
Warnings:Slightly dark themes. Nothing too bad though.
--Rodolphus's musings on his life basically. I hope it's not too sappy, but I don't think evil people are evil to everyone all the time. So, yeah. I hope you enjoy.
--It's Rodolphus's POV btw.
Family of Death Eaters
For some reason or another I find myself sitting in the bushes across the street of some Muggle's house, in the middle of winter in the bloody bushes. The leaves are covered in frost and the wind is blowing freezing air onto my already frozen body. I can barely move my fingers. I've been sitting here for almost three hours now and it's only going to get worse. I can tell. I lived through Azkaban and now I'm going to die in the some Muggle's woodland area.
Fabulous.
It's at times like these that I wonder why I even bother. It's not like our cause is getting any further. As much as I believe in our superiority over the Mudbloods I can see this is becoming a losing battle. The dirty Mudbloods, Half Breeds, and Blood Traitors are far out numbering us now. Even with Voldemort as our leader I still can't see victory in our futures. We are eventually going to have to give up or more than likely die out or even worse get carted off to Azkaban. That is one place that I will never go again. I'd rather die than go back. That place was just…horrible, to put it lightly.
I sat in the same cell for fifteen years. Fifteen years of no happiness, fifteen years of maddening memories, fifteen years of Bella's screaming, fifteen years of watching my friends get dragged past my cell and knowing that if I ever saw them again they would be soulless. No human deserved to be without a soul.
No one.
The first memory that I got back after Azkaban was the moment that I realized I loved Bella. She had been dangerously beautiful. Well, I suppose, she's always like that. When we were little we had never gotten along very well. She was always playing with Lucius, running around the Black's backyard, saving the world from the Mudbloods. While she and Lucius battled the imaginary evils, I would sit with Cissa and we'd watch. We'd watch them run around shouting fake spells and incantations. After about half way a fight always erupted. Bella and Lucius always got into fights, I guess not much changes. I remember this fight was different though because instead of both of them walking away intensely angry with one another, Bella punched Lucius right in the face.
As Lucius fell to the ground I feel in love.
That probably sounds like I hate Lucius or something. It's actually quite the contrary. Lucius Malfoy is one of my best friends, him and Regulus. We've known each other since infancy. Oh, and yes, Lucius has always been the perfect asshole. It's a Malfoy trait like the eyebrow thing and the silver blonde hair. He just inherited it from Abraxas. We've always been close though. After we entered school Snape, Rosier, and Macnair joined our group.
I remember the first time that I attended a Death Eater meeting I had been scared out of my mind. We had been called to some grave yard, which was quite fitting. The setting couldn't have been more perfect. There had been fog and the night sky was so clear I could see every star in the black sky. There were grave stones and eerie statues everywhere. My hands were sweaty and my knees were shaking slightly. Lucius Malfoy and Walden Macnair stood on either side of me. Their body heat kept the coldness of the darkness away from me. They kept the fear at bay. Their sturdy shoulders kept me upright. Their mere presence kept me solidly on feet and kept my head steady.
They let me know that someone was there with me, that someone cared and supported me. Bella's eyes glittered in the night as she talked to him and introduced me. I am forever grateful that I was forced to kneel because as I looked into his eyes I saw the raw power that he exuded, and my knees wobbled a little. I smelt the burning skin on my forearm and I didn't even gag. I took it like a man, at least that's what Fenrir Greyback said as he slapped me on the back. I almost flew across the cemetery with the force that he exuded. I knew then that I should never piss him off.
We went to Malfoy's Manor afterwards. Walden even held me up as I threw up in Lucius Malfoy's front yard and no one made any snide comments. Walden just steadied me and half carried me inside and laid me on some ostentatiously pretentious piece of furniture. My darling Bella wiped my head with a cold towel and cooed softly at me. For all that they did that night and hence forth I am eternally grateful for. Friends like that do not come around often.
After a few meetings I got over the fear a bit more and they slowly edged away, not too far, just far enough so that I was standing on my own. We would never stray too far from each other.
I remember the first time that I killed someone. Lucius, Bella, Evan, and I were assigned to kill a family of Muggles. Lucius and Evan took the children into another room the only noise that followed were two thumps as their bodies slumped to the ground. Bella grabbed the hysterically sobbing woman by her hair and pulled her into the kitchen. Bella's laugh danced into my ear and gave me the courage that I needed to kill the man.
It was only two little words. It was easy.
Afterwards I didn't feel any guilt or remorse and that scared me. Wasn't I supposed to feel a little bad about all this? The only feeling that I knew was a tingling sensation that I got from my wand hand all the way to my feet. It felt very odd, but not unpleasant. Just odd. After a few minutes we set the house on fire and I cast the Dark Mark into the sky. Bella kissed me passionately for the first time under that glittering skull. I tingled even more. That was the best night of my life.
The first time that one of us died the Dark Lord called another meeting immediately and we were dispersed all across the world. We tracked down every member of that Auror's family. We tortured and killed every one of them. After they were all dead he didn't call another meeting for almost two weeks. That's how we dealt with ever death after that, but as more of us fell it became too much. I made a list of every person that killed one of my comrades. They will not get off unscathed; even if it takes me forever they will pay.
A few years later it was my turn to try and hold up Regulus and Rabastan as they came to their first meeting. Severus helped support Reg and I got Rab. They both did so well and we were so proud of them. There were no warning signs of what Regulus would eventually do. It breaks my heart to think that he traded us for Sirius. That's why he stole that horcrux. So, that he could impress his brother, even if Sirius would never know.
The night he was killed we all sat in Lucius's garden, which was actually more like a labyrinth of exotic plants and flowers. Lucius and Bella were arguing and Rabastan was no where to be found. I was lying on a bench with my head in Cissa's lap crying silently. She was drawing soothing circles in my back and I could feel Draco moving around in her stomach. I decided right then that I would never have children. I just couldn't bring another soul into this horrendously painful world. Not until we've won the war, not until it was clean and without Mudbloods.
Severus was never the same after Regulus's death.
I am ripped out of my musings by a sudden tap on the shoulder. I whip around to see a flash of silver blonde and a shining ax. Oh, it's just Luc and Wal. I really should pay attention. This is important after all. Both men take a seat on either side of me, just like that night long ago. Lucius hands me a warm drink. I smile slightly and bump his shoulder in thanks. He nods slightly. Walden shivers and mutters profanities under his breath. I snort into my drink rolling my eyes.
"So," Walden begins, "which one are we watching?"
"That one," I nod my head in the general direction of the house, "number 4."
Nothing else needs to be said. It's nice just to have people out here with me. It reminds me why I bother. I bother because of my family and we are like a family.
It's a crazy, demented, twisted, and dark family; but a family none the less.
A/N: Thanks for reading and please review! It's greatly appreciated. : )
