Allow me to introduce myself. I am Arthur P. Spudinski. Everyone calls me Spud. I am writing this guide to give you tips on how to cause pure chaos and insanity. Please use with caution.
1. Randomly shout, "Chilli spit! Chilli spit! Chilli spit!"
2. If chosen to be a flower girl (or ring bearer) at a wedding, moo as you walk down the aisle.
3. Impersonate a Jack-in-the-box.
4. Impersonate a kangaroo.
5. Try to stomp on your shadow.
6. Try to stomp on someone else's shadow.
7. Run around in circles flapping your arms madly and shouting, "It's the end of the world!"
8. When someone asks you a question, answer with, "Ribbit, ribbit."
9. Dress up in the wackiest outfit you can think of and stand motionless, never turning your head, but following people with your eyes (guaranteed to freak people out).
10. Scratch at the door and bark and yap until someone lets you out.
11. Threaten to form an angry mob for no reason.
12. Go up to a random person and say, "Can you sign my armadillo?"
13. Try to play duck-duck-goose with yourself (this includes chasing yourself around in circles).
14. Go up to a random person and say, "Do you speak squirrel?"
15. If in a crowded room, randomly point somewhere and shout, "There he goes!"
16. Walk backwards, at the same time flapping your arms and making chicken noises.
17. Answer the telephone with, "Ello, dis is de house of de dead. Would you like to make a reservation in our graveyard?"
18. Dial a random number, and when someone picks up, say, in your best Dracula voice, "Ello. This is Count Dracula's House of Pancakes. Ve are now hiring. If you are a vampire, may I suggest a night shift. And if you are a human, vatch your neck. Muahahahaha!" Then hang up.
19. When someone asks you to do something, shout a random response (examples: Oooh, shiny. Crayons, crayons, crayons, I love crayons ( it's best if you clap your hands and skip around in circles for this one). I'm a turtle! Look, glue. You're a funny looking iguana).
20. Pantomime everything.
21. If you have been sitting quietly for several minutes, suddenly jump up from your seat and shout, "Yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi yi!"
22. Imersonate a cactus.
23. When riding in a car, stick your toungue out at passing cars.
24. Walk around looking down at the ground, and when someone asks you what you're doing, tell them, "I'm looking for ghost froggies."
25. Say the most random things you can thing of (examples: Mustard is not a conducter. You're a dog, not a four wheeler. Wanna know why cats can't fly?)
So there you have it. Twenty-five surefire ways to cause chaos, mayhem, and a little bit of insanity.
Enjoy.
