My first fic of the new year! Also, Happy New Year! Hope y'all had a splendid holiday season~
This could have been way longer than it turned out to be, but I don't have time to turn every story into a multi-chapter fic, y'know?
And this story was actually going to be way shorter than it turned out to be too, but I got swept up in the details.
Anyways, enjoy! And reviews are always nice!
Butters was in Cartman's room alone, rummaging through his closet while Cartman was downstairs separating his old clothes and toys into two piles, one for donation and one for the trash. The week before, thanks to a few key movements of his hips, Butters got an unsuspecting Cartman to help him clean out his room before heading off to college, and this week was Cartman's turn to do the same. At first Cartman didn't want to clean up, he didn't see the point since he would be coming back during breaks anyway, but Butters insisted, stating it was a new chapter in their lives and their rooms should reflect that.
So Butters was sitting crosslegged in front of the open closet, a large garbage bag next to him. He had been wanting to clear out Cartman's closet for years, but he never thought up a viable excuse to do it. Now he had the opportunity to finally throw out all the items that had been discarded to the floor, from buttons that had fallen off the AWESOM-O costume to empty bottles of lube they used throughout high school. In the right corner, hidden out of sight and undetectable because of its color, laid a black, nylon, drawstring bag. Butters reached for it and pulled it to his lap, opening it cautiously in case old, never washed gym clothes were inside it, but that wasn't it. He cocked his brows and pulled out an oval bundle, Clyde Frog's head.
"Huh," Butters said, peering into the bag and seeing the shredded remains of Cartman's old, cherished, childhood toy. The last time Butters saw, or even thought, about Clyde Frog was at the funeral Cartman held for him back when they were kids. He thought Cartman had really buried him, but obviously not. He left the frog in the bag and got up to stuff the bag into his own backpack where he was hiding other knick-knacks Cartman was never going to miss-a flannel shirt he had outgrown but now fit Butters perfectly, the old sleepover pranks photo album that he had swore he had thrown away, and now Clyde Frog.
Butters went back to the closet, and just as he finished throwing out the last bottle of lube, Cartman came back into the room.
"Well, everything is bagged up to go to either Goodwill or the dump," he said. He paused in his room to survey it. "I have to admit, cleaning up was a good idea after all."
"Told you," Butters teased, reaching a hand towards Cartman so he could pull him up.
"Yeah, yeah," Cartman said, dismissing Butters, though he was smiling. He pulled him up and they carried the remaining trash bag downstairs.
...
"God, I can't believe after all that work I still need to fucking pack," Cartman said, his mouth full with the gourmet burger he ordered for dinner in Bennigan's.
"That'll be easier now, though," Butters assured him, dipping his own fries into some ketchup. "You know where everything is so it's just a matter of putting those things into suitcases, which doesn't take long. Remember I got it all done in, like, an hour."
"I can't believe we have to be on the road by next week, this is such bullshit." Cartman was looking down at his plate, fiddling with his burger, a hard grimace on his face.
"Yeah, this summer seemed really short, time got away from us."
They ate in silence, the reality of separation hitting them again. This realization came to them in waves throughout the entire summer, they would be laughing in one moment, silent the other as they wondered if they would make these four years work.
The next four years was a mystery but the plans for next week were set. Cartman had initially wanted to drop Butters off alone at Berkeley before making his way down to UCS, but neither his mother nor Butters' parents would hear of it. They were their only children, after all, and first day of college was an important landmark in their lives, and an important day to share with their parents, undoubtedly. The Stotches wanted to drive their son themselves to Berkeley and spare Cartman the trip, but Cartman refused to back down, and this trip soon became a vacation for both families. It was decided that Butters would spend half the trip riding with Cartman and the other half with his parents in their own car. Liane would ride with her son through it all, leaving the two boys with no time to themselves, but neither really minded the thought of Liane's serene presence in the backseat. She assured them she would be napping throughout most of the trip, anyway.
"Gosh, I bet my parents are going to talk nonstop about all the girls I'm going to meet in Berkeley," Butters said, ending the silence and shaking his head.
"You're going to call me everyday, right?" Cartman said, his head snapping up to see Butters.
"Of course. Call everyday and text every half hour." Butters smiled, calming Cartman's insecurities. He wish he knew how to convince Cartman that he wasn't interested in anyone else, that all these remarks his parents made upset him just as much, but all he could do was reassure him and pray that he didn't really expect a text every half hour, that sounded incredibly inconvenient.
"Good."
After dinner Cartman dropped Butters off at his house. He left his car idling as he pulled Butters onto his lap to make out and hold him close.
"I don't really have to go to school. It's just photography, like I really need to study that," Cartman said when they parted.
"You're going to school, Eric," Butters said, his hand on Cartman's chest, the other around his neck. "And this'll be good, I know it! Because you'll be doing your thing in LA, I'll be doing mine in Berkeley, and when we graduate we'll have our whole lives ahead of ourselves so we can spend every waking moment together. And then we're going to get sick of each other and dream of the days we were in college."
"I'll never get sick of you."
"Oh, Eric." Butters leaned his head against Cartman's shoulder, letting himself get smothered in his embrace. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
They kissed one final time before Butters pulled himself out of an unwilling Cartman's clutches. He leaned over to grab his backpack from the back seat and stepped out of the truck.
"Goodnight, see you tomorrow," Cartman called out.
Butters turned back and waved. "See ya!"
He walked towards his house and turned to wave one last time at Cartman, who always waited until he was in the safety of his house before speeding off. Butters was smiling to himself as he headed to his room, and emptied the contents of his backpack onto his bed once he got there. He took the flannel and placed it against his face to breath it in. The last time he remembered Cartman wearing this particular shirt was when they were freshman in highschool, before Cartman's growth spurt that caused him to buy a whole new wardrobe in the summer between freshman and sophomore year. A lot of those old clothes were barely donated that day, but Butters was able to save the one shirt. He put it on his pillow, excited to use it as a pajama top, then he took out the album. He flipped through it, shaking his head and laughing at parts despite himself. The intent was to burn the album, but in his hands, Butters knew he was going to leave it safe in his bookshelf. It was good to have proof of Cartman's wrongdoings just in case he ever needed leverage in the future, but he was old enough now that he could look back at these pranks fondly. And knowing that Cartman outed himself as a cocksucker didn't hurt either, Butters just regretted not being there when that happened. But it was probably for the best.
Finally, he pulled out Clyde Frog. He went to his desk with the bag and gently pulled out the old stuffed toy. Cartman loved this toy, Butters remembered how antsy he would get when anyone other than him touched it. During one of their childhood sleepovers, there was a thunder storm, and in fear, Butters reached for the closest thing he could find, Clyde Frog. He clutched it tightly, waiting for the storm to pass. He was in his sleeping bag on the floor while Cartman was on his bed, searching for his stuffed toy himself. It wasn't until he peered over at Butters did he find Clyde Frog and shouted at him until he conceded the toy to him. Butters sniffled, still frightened, and Cartman handed him Rumper Tumpskin in exchange.
Butters had been so surprised when Cartman told him someone had killed Clyde Frog, and it wasn't until Stan and Kyle filled him in that he found out that Cartman was behind what happened to all his toys. He had initially been upset, he knew Cartman stopped playing with his toys because the other kids had told him to do so, not because he had willingly outgrown them. But time passed and Cartman seemed to be getting along just fine without his silly old stuffed frog, so Butters had forgotten all about it.
Now Butters was sitting at his desk, pulling the shredded fabric this way and that, trying to make sense of the mess. While cleaning he didn't find Rumper Tumpskin, Peter Panda, or Polly Prissypants anywhere. Those must have been tossed out after Cartman's dramatic farewell, but he kept Clyde Frog after all these years. Butters stared at the head, the only piece still intact. He sighed realizing there wasn't enough fabric left to reconstruct his body, and it was far too late to visit a shop to get some. He absentmindedly petted Clyde Frog's head, thinking how he had always liked dark greens, and that was when he stood up, knowing where to get the extra fabric. He kneeled in front of his dresser, pulling open the bottom drawer filled with his pajamas, and pulled out a small, dark-green cape. His cape was the last remnant of his Professor Chaos outfit. He had thrown out the helmet years ago, everything else he had outgrown and donated, but he could never bring himself to get rid of his cape. He told himself it was because it was his first major sewing project, and it came off quite well, to that day the seams were still together. In truth, though, Butters wanted to keep the cape because he liked the thought that at any moment, he could become Professor Chaos again. It was silly, the cape barely wrapped around his neck anymore, but he kept it all the same.
He closed the drawer and walked back to his desk. He spread the cape on his desk and smoothed it out with his hands. He bent down and kissed it.
"Thank you," he whispered to it before getting to work and grabbing his sewing supplies from his desk drawer.
...
"So your mom's heading home now?" Butters asked over the phone. It was late Sunday night, orientation was over and classes were starting the next morning.
"Yeah, we ate dinner and then I dropped her off at the airport. She was crying, so embarrassing, but she was saying how proud she was and how I'm going to be so happy here."
Butters smiled, knowing Cartman must have been crying just as hard in the airport.
"Hey, so, uh, have you unpacked yet?" Butters asked after a moment.
"Nah, I've been so busy. Just been picking out random stuff to wear, I'll probably try to unpack a bit tonight, though. I have no space with all these suitcases here. What about you?"
"I'm all finished, and oh my gosh, Eric! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! I can't believe I almost forgot, I started crying when I saw the album!" Butters was hit with a new wave of emotions at the thought of Cartman's surprise gift that he had snuck into his backpack, a photo album filled with images of them since they started dating, a beautiful replacement for the prank album of their childhood.
"I'm glad you liked it," Cartman said, chuckling.
"It was great, I love it so much! I'm going to look at it whenever I miss you or feel lonely. You're going to get such a great big hug and so many kisses when I see you next!"
"I look forward to that."
"Well, guess I'll let you go so you can relax and get ready for tomorrow."
"Yeah, alright."
"I'm so excited!"
"I am too, now that I'm actually here."
"Yay, I'm glad! Oh, and admit it, now that it's over and done with, the road trip was fun."
"Yeah, it was fun. Especially the parts when your parents paid for things."
The two laughed, lingering on the phone, not wanting to hang up.
"I'll call you tomorrow, okay darling?" Butters said.
"Okay. I love you."
"I love you too. Good night."
"G'night."
Cartman hung up and sighed, looking around his empty dorm room. His roommate wasn't coming in until next week, so he had it to himself until then. He kicked the suitcase closes to him before leaning over and pulling it close. He just needed to not think about it and get it done. The faster he packed the faster he wouldn't have to think about it anymore. He heaved the luggage up and opened it, arranging his dress shirts and jeans onto his bed when he saw a black, nylon drawstring bag. He stared at it for a moment, not remembering having packed it or what could be inside. He was surprised by how light it was, and when he opened it his breath caught.
Cartman pulled out Clyde Frog, newly patched up with a new body, a heart made of yarn sewed onto where a heart would anatomically be on a person. Cartman couldn't help himself, he held his stuffed toy close, tears springing into his eyes. He was so glad to have his room to himself for this moment, and he checked the bag to see if there's anything else when he saw a note. Still holding his toy, Cartman opened the letter and read:
Eric,
I love you so, so much. More than words can describe. So much more.
I know you're scared, I'm scared too. We've never lived so far away from each other, and for such a long period of time too! It's a different experience, and that's why we're scared, but I know everything will be just fine. You're the only person I want, and I know you'll be the person I spend the rest of my life with. But right now we need to take our own journey's. I'm here to love and support you like I know you love and support me, and our paths will be one again sooner than we think, but for now, let's enjoy this parting and know we'll come back to each other as better people.
This may be a new chapter in our lives and relationship, but it's times like these we need old comforts, right? I found him while cleaning out your room, I patched his body together with my Professor Chaos cape (remember him?). That means whenever you squeeze him tight, I'll feel it, and I'm right there with you.
I love you. I already miss you. You're going to be the best photographer in your class!
-Butters
Cartman's eyes blurred with unshed tears, he had to constantly rub his eyes in order to read the letter, Clyde Frog still in his arm. When he finished the letter he whimpered and squeezed his toy close to him.
"I miss you too, Butters," he said, sobbing. "So much it hurts."
For the first time since graduation, Cartman let himself cry hysterically, like he use to when he was a child. He tried to be brave for Butters, because he knew Butters didn't want him to be upset, but it was all so overwhelming. This was the first time he was alone, away from everything and everyone he knew. His mom and home were in South Park, as was Kenny. Stan and Kyle were both on the other side of the country in New York, and Butters was a whole six hour drive away from him. He missed them all, he missed his old life, he hated these changes, he hated growing up.
Cartman haphazardly shoved his suitcase to the floor and lightly tossed his clothes back inside it. He curled up in his bed, Clyde Frog still in his arms. He cried until his nose was too stuffed with snot he couldn't breath, and his eyes were pounding from the tears. He calmed down, feeling better. He'd forgotten how therapeutic a good cry could be. He turned to lay on his back and he held Clyde Frog up, examining Butters' workmanship. He thought the heart was a nice touch and on its butt, in cursive scrit he embroidered Clyde Frog in a light blue yarn.
He thumbed the fabric, smiling but realizing he would never be able to make this up to Butters. Cartman always knew why Butters kept his Professor Chaos cape, it was for the same reason he kept the tattered pieces of Clyde Frog, for the sake of knowing it was there for when they would really need it again. But Butters gave up Chaos for him, his own childhood comfort for his. Cartman kissed the heart and held Clyde Frog close, falling asleep for the first time in eight years with it in his arms.
...
Cartman's first year in USC went great. He made friends easily enough, his professors thought he had natural talent, and he found a new nemesis in a Mexican-American girl who attempted to have his photographs removed from the freshman gallery exhibit on the grounds that he was exploiting the homeless in skid row with his hackney pictures. All in all, he couldn't have asked for a better experience.
Butters, on the other hand, found his first year lacking. He spent the first half of the spring semester nursing a terrible sinus infection, he was finding making friends difficult, with no one understanding his quirks or strange sense of humor, and his swore his professors had it in for him, giving him mediocre grades on quality work. All in all, he hated it there.
Sophomore year brought about a new Cartman-Stotch road trip, this time lasting longer with multiple stops. The boys were more open to the experience, and their parents were more concerned with their own enjoyment than with separating from their children for a second year.
That year Cartman was reassuring Butters that everything was going to go splendidly, having gained confidence after their first year apart that they could do three more, no problem. Butters wasn't so sure, and he was secretly looking into transferring to UCLA for junior year.
"Yeah, my mom just decided to stay at a hotel and do some sightseeing. We're going to Disneyland next weekend," Cartman said, giddy with excitement.
"That sounds like fun! I wish she'd told us she wanted to stay in LA, my mom would have asked my aunt if she could have stayed with her and I'm sure she would have said yes."
"It's better this way, trust me. I think my mom wants to enjoy the wonders of LA on her own."
"Oh, gotcha."
"Anyway, how's packing going for you? I haven't even opened my suitcases."
"I'm half done."
"Are you nervous for tomorrow?"
"Yeah, a little. You?"
"I'm okay, and this year is going to rock for you, I know it! Everyone has a bumpy freshman experience because you're trying to get the feel for things. Sophomore year is your year."
Butters giggled. "Well I sure hope so."
"I know so. I love you, and I'm gonna let you go so I can unpack."
"Okie-dokie. I love you too. Good night."
"G'night."
Butters held his phone in his hand, his smile quickly fading. He didn't have much hope that this year was going to be better, if anything he was horrified that he was doing this again. He took a deep breath and tried to chase the negative thoughts away. Maybe Cartman was right and sophomore year was his year. He shook his shoulders and got busy unpacking when he saw a black, nylon bag in his suitcase. He reached for it and tears immediately pooled in his eyes, knowing exactly what was inside.
He pulled out Clyde Frog and squeezed him close. He found a letter in the bag and sat Clyde Frog on his lap to read it.
Butters,
I think you need him more than I do. I know last year wouldn't have been nearly as great if I didn't have him (you) by my side.
Forget about last year, this one will be awesome. Everyone will realize how incredible you are and you'll find your people.
I love you, I miss you, my beautiful ball of Chaos.
-Eric
Butters giggled and cried. He held Clyde Frog close, believing for the first time that this year would be better.
...
The families took one final road trip together to Berkeley. The boys had graduated earlier that year and in the summer they got married in South Park. Butters was starting his master's in Berkeley, having found mentors in the professors he had sophomore year. Cartman found a job in the digital media field with a fast growing company based in Berkeley. The two were heading toward their starter apartment, and since they were now one family, they all drove inside a cramp van the Stotches had rented for their trip.
The in-laws dropped the boys off and helped organize the apartment as best they could before heading down the golden coast by way of the pacific coast highway for an adventure of their own.
There first night alone in their apartment, Cartman was spooning Butters while Butters had Clyde Frog in his arms.
"I never properly thanked you for patching him up for me," Cartman whispered.
"And I never properly thanked you for letting me have him sophomore and senior year."
"How could I not? He's half you now, he gives you strength as much as he gives me."
Butters smiled, not having thought of it like that before. Clyde Frog had Chaos inside him now, both Cartman and Butters' childhood comfort was in this stuffed toy. Butters held it closer to his chest.
"I'm glad you didn't throw him away," Butters said.
"I was going to. I tossed the rest out after my embellished farewell, but I just couldn't toss him out. I've had him since I can remember, I couldn't just give that up."
Butters twisted in Cartman's arms, still holding onto the toy. They started to kiss, softly at first, but their fervor was building quickly. Cartman's hands slipped under Butters' tank top and he gently pulled Clyde Frog from his arms and sat him on the nightstand, where it stayed and stood watch over both of them.
