Absolute
A/N: set after Bill finds out about Hare in season three. I'd just like to point out that unfortunately I haaven't seen season three yet (sob) so I'd appreciate if anybody would point out any wonky bits. Thanks.
My hand pauses as I reach out to pull the curtain back and she notices. "Yes Admiral?" Her tone is chilly and almost makes me reconsider my question. Nevertheless, I turn to face her and see her bracing herself against her desk defensively as I ask "Madam President, I just wondered if losing your humanity bothered you?"
I step away to leave as the suddenly electric silence lets me know the question has had the desired effect. I want her to know how angry, how disappointed I am in her. I know I must go now because an argument between us, angry as I am and defensive as she is, would have disastrous consequences for the fleet. She doesn't order me back and the last I see of her for several weeks shows me she knows the full effects of her actions.
I find myself growing anxious and cover by pouring a drink as I wait in my quarters for her to arrive. This will be our first private meeting in a while and my mind goes through countless scenarios of what could happen. My anger has lessened in time as I realised the entirety of her decision and the betrayal stings less. Our meetings lately have been in the presence of another officer so neither of us has said nor done anything to worsen the situation but we also haven't had much time to talk things through. My thoughts are disturbed as the hatch opens and she walks in. Her body seems sure but I recognise the slight unease in her eyes. To get past the awkwardness I offer her a drink and a seat, both of which she quietly accepts.
Once she is settled she looks up at me from where she has wearily sat. There are shadows in her eyes and I know they are a reflection of mine. I glance at the agenda Tory sent over wondering what to say when she startles me by saying "Yes" in the tone of someone who is admitting an awful truth.
"What?" I ask bewilderedly and I almost don't want to know what she is talking about if the tone of her voice is any indication.
She looks away and pauses, her exhaustion evident in her every move. "You asked if losing my humanity bothered me." She takes a slow sip of her drink and when she speaks again she is looking directly at me. "Well it does but I would lose my soul a hundred times over if it meant the survival of the fleet."
I look down into her eyes and, horrified as I might be by her confession, I can understand it and that bothers me. "I won't let you. We all have to be worthy of surviving."
"I know." She gives a small smile that appears more in her eyes than on her mouth. "I have faith in you."
I raise an eyebrow at her assumption. She sighs as she rises and I find myself rooted to the spot as she moves closer towards me. She comes to a stop a step away from me and her voice is quiet as she says "You wouldn't let me get that bad" her lips curve slightly "and I wouldn't let you get that bad."
The effect of her near me is nearly as intoxicating as the alcohol in my hand and I can tell she knows it as well. The tension increases as it has done anytime we have been alone in the last few years. As always I try to delay the inevitable and break the tension. "And if both of us go at the same time?" My voice however isn't cooperating as it is huskier than normal and I see her body shift subtly as she reacts to it.
"Then we've got Saul or Lee to bring us back." She gives a throaty little chuckle "and I'm sure Starbuck would have something to say as well."
I chuckle. "I'm sure she would." She smiles softly and I see the tiredness in her face and know that for all her bravado she is still scared. "We've got plenty of people to keep us in check."
"I know. I'm just scared that I'm losing my morality and my emotions. I care about the results not the means." She gives a small sigh. "Sometimes that scares me more than the cylons do." Her voice sounds small as she admits this.
I know this is one of the occasions where she is telling me the whole truth and my remaining anger with her finally dissolves as this one confession proves she is still human, still the strong and fragile woman I have started to fall for despite everything. She senses a change in my mood and cups my cheek softly with her hand to reassure me, the expression on her face uncertain. I still, wondering if her uncertainty is because of our conversation or because this is completely new territory. Suddenly the thought of ignoring or delaying the inevitable is less appealing than it was a couple of minutes ago.
She begins to move away, obviously thinking she has over-stepped herself so I turn into her palm and place a feather light kiss, proof I know where we are headed and my acceptance. To prove I want it as much as she does I bring my fingers up to her cheek and softly stroke it. She rewards me with the beautiful smile that shows in every line of her face, lighting it up the same way it did when I kissed her shortly before the miracle that breathed new life into her.
The thought stirs something in me and I decide to speed things up. I pull her towards me and press my lips against hers. She offers no resistance and immediately kisses back with her hands moving around my neck to pull me even closer. I gently probe her lips with my tongue and she opens them letting me explore her mouth thoroughly. After a moment she lets out a low moan and it spurs me on. I become less gentle as my hands move over her body and underneath her jacket and shirt to feel the softness of the skin on her waist. She in turn grows bolder and her hands move to undo my uniform buttons.
The knock at the door causes us both to pause and she sags slightly. I do up my buttons and she straightens herself as I walk over to the door.
On the other side stands her assistant who peers around me to talk to her boss. "You need to leave for the Quorum meeting." I hear a sigh behind me and I tell the young woman. "We need to finish something. She'll just be minute." She looks disgruntled by my tone from what I can see before I shut the hatch-door in her face.
I turn to face Laura and I see that once again she looks immaculate and she has used the interruption to put her 'presidential mask' in place. As she moves towards the door I reach out and touch her arm and ask "Dinner?" She gives me a smile that shakes ever so slightly and I can see her fears aren't entirely banished.
"Someone once said 'Absolute power corrupts absolutely'" I can see her stiffen as she wonders what I'm going to say next. I move closer until I am standing right beside her and continue "But as you said, I won't let that happen to you." My voice is low and I gently touch her shoulder in reassurance. I see her relax as she smiles once again before slipping out the hatch as if nothing was wrong. The last thing I hear before the hatch-door shuts behind her is her apologizing to Tory and I know for all her doubts and fears, she won't lose her humanity.
