Lucas couldn't do it. He just couldn't do it.
"You excited, man?"
He couldn't go through with it.
"Sure."
Nathan Scott raised his eyebrows, traces of concern visible on his face. Lucas shrugged.
"What?"
"You've got cold feet."
"What?"
"Do you want me to repeat it?"
Lucas huffed, rolling back his shoulders. He didn't need his younger brother lecturing him on marriage, especially since he wasn't an expert – okay. Sure. Maybe Nathan had more knowledge on this subject than him, but it doesn't make up for the lack of intuition he had on the other more important sections in life. But Lucas ignored it; it would be another argument that he would have to save for another time.
"I'm not nervous," he mumbled, staring blankly at the concrete ground.
"Yeah, 'cause you look great," Nathan smirked, folding his hands roughly behind his head. He was right… again. Lucas's foot had been tapping furiously to a rhythmic beat for the last few minutes, and his eyes had been darting everywhere, except towards his brother's pupils. The eyes are the windows to the soul, as the saying goes.
"Yeah, and you're really helping," Lucas frowned, cupping his chin into his coarse hands.
"Lucas – maybe you don't love her anymore - "
"I love Peyton!" Lucas cried out. The tapping of his foot had switch over to his fingers, which started slapping his right thigh.
"Okay, okay!" Nathan stood up slowly, his eyes staring cautiously at his brother. "Sorry I even mentioned it."
Lucas dropped back down onto the bench, glancing around at the scene before him. Sighing, he let his elbow rest carefully on his knee, his hand gingerly rubbing his tired face. The park was the one place Lucas always enjoyed; he thought it to be free. The one place where he could just sit and think and read and never have a worry bother him. But now, it felt different. He tried to sit and think, like he had done many times before, but Lucas was just incapable of doing so. Time and its obsessed servants were rushing past him, not giving a second glance. They weaved a mocking web of emptiness and longing, leaving him as the desperate fly.
Scratching the back of his head, Lucas stared firmly up at the sky, hoping that it would reveal a sign of some sort. It stared back; no advice, no help. Only the stubborn gray clouds blocking any traces of sunlight.
"I'll help you find her," Nathan suggested softly, watching a couple of joggers pass by.
"Do you know where she is?" Lucas dared reluctantly, his eyes closing with regret. He shouldn't be asking such a question. He had Peyton, for heaven's sakes! Peyton… the name no longer made him smile or feel love struck. It was just a name now.
"I think Haley does. She talks to her sometimes."
Lucas stared in surprise.
Sighing, Nathan rubbed his hand together. "She doesn't know that I know. But I did hear her crying one night, and she was on the phone with her. Something about her getting in a lot of trouble. She's not doing good." Nathan furrowed his brow, staring intently at his brother. "Haley worries about her a lot. Sometimes, I do too."
Lucas nodded. "Yeah… I do too."
"Do you love Peyton?"
"Yeah, I do." It was the honest truth. The again, Nathan didn't ask if he was 'in' love with her.
"Do you love Brooke?" Lucas winced, her name echoing throughout his mind. It made him want cry in pain and smile with hope at the same time. It was more than just a name to him. It was Brooke Davis, the girl who made him want more than he already had. And he knew it wasn't a good thing.
"Yeah, I do." It was nice to say it out loud, but a curse. Lucas entered a state of betrayal, one that he laced long before.
Nathan shook his head slowly. It's hard to forget the past, but in this case, he knew what his brother trying to do. He was hoping dearly that maybe his past could forget about him. He could try and escape his treacherous mistakes in hope to start anew, but the lies would always catch up either way.
Lucas was a good guy; he was just a little lost like everyone else. He was in love with two women, two women who were as opposite as day and night. Yet he couldn't shake off the feeling that maybe he chose the wrong one.
It wouldn't be the first time.
"Haley always talks about this whole destiny thing," Nathan spoke sincerely, his words laced with concern. "She always said me and her were destined to be together, and I believe that. Luke, you're getting married tomorrow. To Peyton. Lemme ask you… do you think you're destined to be together with her?"
Lucas chuckled to himself; his brother was never really great with words.
Nathan merely shrugged. "Maybe you're sitting here because you don't wanna be standing somewhere else tomorrow."
Lucas paused. Abruptly, the warmth of the sun parted through the homely clouds, clearing up the sky into a cheery state. Two little girls near the swing sets giggled gleefully, skipping in favor of the change of weather. Lucas smiled, feeling the change of heart instead.
They weaved a mocking web of emptiness and longing, leaving him as the desperate fly. Lucas, however, weaved a web of betrayal, one led by his tortured innocence. But the hunger of his heart always found a way to over power it, and he didn't feel the need to settle it.
