A/N: This is a songfic for Athrun and Cagalli. The song is Urbandub's "Endless, A Silent Whisper". This fic is quite different from those I have written before since this'll consist of chapters (I hope) with different songs for each. Yeah, it's a songfic series. Now I won't want you to wait so here are my last few lines… I don't own Gundam Seed or this song nor do I have any affiliations with their respective owners.
Prelude
For as long as it can be remembered, the two affluent families of the Atthas and the Zalas have been seeking destruction of one another. No one knows what the true reason for this foolish bloodlust is. Each cause was more absurd than the other. From the Zalas, they say that the first Attha matriarch stole the family heirloom and insisted that it was theirs. On the other hand, the Zalas say that the first Attha patriarch murdered a Zala thus lighting the flames of war between the two families.
Now, after so many generations of hate, both families bore a new heir with hopes that they will follow on the 'family tradition'. A girl was born from the Atthas, Cagalli, whilst from the Zalas, a boy who they named Athrun. Each family taught their offspring to hate their enemy even before they could learn how to read or write. They hoped that their scions would bring about their victory, as well as their adversary's demise.
But for all that was good and holy, why did they have to be lovers?
Star-crossed: Gundam Seed's Romeo and Juliet
Athrun x Cagalli
Athrun straightened the crimson mask on his face. He had to make sure that he wouldn't be recognized by anyone from the Attha household. Just sneaking in was difficult, having to pass through those enormous, bull-faced guards on the gate, entering the ball without an invitation, and finally, blending in. They could not afford to be recognized or else everything they have planned for will be put to waste.
"Are you ready, Athrun?" Dearka asked him. "The ball's about to start."
The blue-haired lad nodded in affirmation, "Let's find that Cagalli before it does. That way we'll be able to follow her."
"Whatever you say," the tan-skinned kinsman said as he put on his own mask. "You're the one who thought of this, so I'll just be backing you up."
"Thanks, Dearka," Athrun beamed at his comrade. "I know you won't let me down."
With those words, Dearka opened the door of the room they were hiding in. Time was of the essence. They had to find the Attha heiress, kill her, and sneak out of the estate even before the murder can be found.
Athrun's heart was calm despite the fact that he is about to kill a person, a woman. But the thought did not bother him, all he wanted was to bring his family the triumph they have been longing for. I will kill her… I will kill Cagalli Yula Attha…
"Lady Cagalli!" the maidservant shrilled across the hallway two stories away from the two scheming gentlemen. "Lady Cagalli!"
Cagalli bolted upright and then heaved a sigh. It was her nana again, insisting that she should get ready for the masquerade ball in honor for her younger brother, Kira, and his victory over a member of the enemy household. She couldn't care less about the affairs downstairs though, all she wanted was a good night's sleep. Cagalli snuggled on her bed, clutching her pillows tight. Please make her stop screaming… I've no intentions of going to that masquerade ball!
There were three knocks on the door as her nana's shrieks faded away from her ears. Cagalli pulled the blanket off over her head, "Yes?"
"Your father insists that you dress up and go downstairs for the ball, milady," the maidservant said from outside.
The blonde girl pulled her hair in frustration, making it stand on its ends. She had already told her father that she didn't want to attend the ball. She wasn't even needed there anyway since the glory and the whole event was for her brother. "Tell him I don't feel well! Tell him I'm already sleeping! Anything!"
"Not another word!" the maidservant pulled a collection of keys from her pocket and picked one. She unlocked the door and made her way to her mistress.
Cagalli curled underneath her blanket, wishing that she'd disappear at that very moment, but the maidservant suddenly threw the sheet in the air. The blonde mistress curled over all the more as the cold air rushed in, making her shiver.
"Get up, milady," the maidservant said. "The dress you're to wear is ready, even the mask to match it."
"Aww…. Please, Rei," Cagalli pleaded. "Don't let me go there, I'm afraid Yuna Seiran's there as well!"
Yuna Roma Seiran is the man Cagalli's father wants her to wed someday. Much to her annoyance, that lavender-haired oaf wants the same thing. And with that, it's just as sure as sunrise tomorrow their engagement will be declared at this very night, at the ball.
"Please spare me the humiliation," she insisted. "I can't bear to see Yuna's smiling face when father announces our engagement!"
Rei pulled Cagalli out of the bed, "Nonetheless, milady, an order is an order. Lord Attha ordered me to bring you to the ball, looking like the princess you are!"
Cagalli pulled herself down but the maidservant dragged her to the wardrobe and later on, down the stairs to her nightmare manifest. Rei left her sitting on the floor as the plump maidservant took out a beautiful mint-green gown from the closet.
"The dress comes with a mask to match!" she said ecstatically as she pulled out a golden mask from out of her pocket. "You'll look ravishing!"
"Oh, boy…" Cagalli sighed as the maidservant pulled off her clothes and started dressing her up. She did not know why but there was something in this night that gave her a feeling of mixed emotions. It's as though something both good and bad was going to happen. Well, there's nothing left to do but find out what lies downstairs…
Athrun was growing sick of the ball. Everything looked like a blur from all the swirling colors. Masks flashed violently as the dance progressed. Music was fast and jovial as people at the center of the ballroom waved their hands and stomped their feet to the beat. And as if that wasn't enough, the mixing perfumes from all the guests made him too nauseous to even keep a straight face.
"Hey, I'll just go wash my face with some cold water," he told Dearka who seemed to be enjoying the ball. "I'll be back."
"Okay, go on," Dearka said, completely caught up by the upbeat music resounding all over the room.
Athrun made his way to the wide, open veranda, away from the dizzying haze of the masquerade ball. There was no one else around, much to his pleasure. For all he knew, everyone was enjoying the violent myriad of colors and sounds inside.
He leaned on the marble banister artfully carved into faces of cherubs and flowers and removed his mask to let his face breathe the cool, evening air. Athrun closed his eyes and savored the ease brought about by that peace and solitude he found. He heaved a sigh and turned to look up at the ominous view of the heavens. The night sky was dark and dreary. Clouds blocked any light that the moon radiates. It seemed to him that all of the sky somehow knew of the crime he was about to commit.
Just like that cloud, I will block the Atthas, he said to himself. I will obtain glory, by killing their only hope… by killing Cag—
Before he could finish the thought in his mind, the lattice suddenly opened and closed just as fast. Athrun turned to see who it was, but it was so dark that he could only make a vague silhouette.
"Who goes there?" he asked, taking a stand to attack at any moment. In his pocket he grabbed hold of his small, hurl knife, ready to slit the throat of anyone who would block him from his mission.
And as if the heavens have dictated it, the clouds blocking the moon slid away to reveal it in its full glory. The darkened figure stepped out into the moonlight. Athrun finally beheld the vision to change his 'destiny' forever.
Short, blond hair adorned with fiery-red flowers. Big, amber eyes, glowing like embers amidst the dimness. Quite a frightened expression painted vividly on a beautiful face. An elegant evening gown fitted to a thin, rather tomboyish body. Perfection and imperfection, working as one to create a most wondrous sight that night.
As Athrun gazed in wonder, the girl was staring back at him. Her amber eyes seemed to light up a fire in his green ones, slowly burning --- melting --- them like the summer sun melts snow. There was a spell of dumbness between the two, as though the world ceased to turn just for them to memorize every line on each other's faces. At that moment in time, nothing else existed in the world… nothing but the two of them.
Both tried to find the words to say to start a conversation, but no matter how hard they thought there was nothing. Their minds were blank, still in awe of the strange twist of fate that brought them together at that same place, at that same time. Could it be fate? Random circumstance? They didn't know, nor did they care. All they knew was that it was perfect. Ever so perfect.
Athrun opened his mouth to speak, it was only right for a gentleman to introduce himself first to a lady. But before he could even utter a word…
"So that's where you've been hiding!" a familiar voice from the door said in relief, much to Athrun's dismay. It was Dearka. He almost forgot he had a mission to put into action.
He and the girl both looked at the tan-skinned lad who woke them from their dream. Dearka stood there dumbstruck, what was he missing? He turned to look at Athrun who seemed to be absent-minded before he came. And the girl… blond hair, amber eyes… with Athrun? It can't be..!
"Uhh… come here, my friend," he said nervously, pulling Athrun away from the girl and finally dragging him back into the ballroom. "We need to talk BIG TIME."
Athrun looked longingly at the girl who he knew he had loved at the very first sight. She stared at him too, looking very disappointed that they didn't even have the chance to talk. Dearka immediately closed the door behind him and dragged Athrun furthermore inside the room.
"You said you were just going to look for a fountain and what do you do!" Dearka scolded his comrade. "You're unbelievable!"
Athrun struggled to get loose from his tight grasp, "What's up with you! It's just a girl, man! Can't I meet people here!"
Dearka stopped pulling him as they finally settled at a far corner of the room. Athrun snapped his hands away as the blue-haired lad fixed his clothes, which were crumpled by his tight hold.
"You just don't get it, do you?" Dearka said profanely to his oblivious friend. "That girl… the one you were sharing a moment with…"
"… Is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen!" Athrun cut him off. "Right then and there, I knew! She's the one I'm going to marry!"
Dearka stared in horror at Athrun's madness, "That girl is the very person you're supposed to kill tonight!"
Athrun's heart skipped a beat or two. What did he just say? It didn't seem to register in his mind. To him, 'that girl' and 'kill tonight' didn't fit together in a sentence. It was absurd. How could he kill the girl he'd loved at first sight? There was no way he'd do that. No way at all. "What do you mean?"
Dearka ran a hand through his pale-blond hair. He could not fathom to believe that the mastermind of their plan was that young man standing in front of him, blabbering words of love for his archenemy. He took a deep breath and finally said, "That girl,who you said you're going to marry, is none other than Cagalli Yula Attha, the girl you vowed to kill."
"That girl… is none other than Cagalli Yula Attha…"
"The girl you vowed to kill…"
Those words played on through Athrun's mind, over and over. Those cruel words full of hate and anger. Why did it have to her? Why did it have to be him? Why did it have to be them? Athrun wanted to curse fate for playing such a nasty trick on him. For willing him to behold in wonder the beauty of his sworn enemy. And last but most painful of all, for making him fall hopelessly --- terribly --- in love Cagalli Yula Attha.
"The night belongs to us.
We're caught in a world of our own.
We cling to the hope it would change for us.
Is it in vain? Is it too late?
Why did it have to be you than I?
I heard the news today…"
Dearka cupped his chin to think. He recalled the horror of seeing his friend together with his enemy, staring at each other in wonder. Wait..! If he feels that way, then she should as well. If that's the case, then it would be a shame not to let the Attha princess see him again, won't it? After all, she loves him so, and love is something never to be suppressed.
"Okay, Athrun…" he started, his eyes glinting with malice. "What's it going to be, that girl or your family's glory?"
Athrun's mind was working in circles. No matter what sort of way he'd figure out to get himself out of the predicament he is in, it still ends up with him killing Cagalli. What was he to do? He valued both his family and his love? If he decides to proceed with the plan, he'll lose the girl of his dreams, in exchange for immortality in his family's history and the glory long-sought by his predecessors. But should he choose her, he would live through life with the girl he loves, but suffer banishment and rejection from his honored family.
"I'll decide on that my own way," Athrun finally replied. He wasn't really sure of what he was going to do, but whatever should be the outcome, he'll have to live up to it like a man.
"Okay," Dearka said, malevolently. "So, will you kill her then?"
"I have to find her," Athrun said quietly, his eyes wandering around for a shade of mint-green.
Dearka just couldn't figure out what sort of witchcraft has that Attha done to his comrade. He had never seen Athrun act like that, nor has he ever talked that way before. "What! Are you nuts?"
Athrun looked at him squarely in the eyes, "I said I have to find Cagalli."
"B-b-bu… B-but.." Dearka stuttered in disbelief and dumbness. It was too late, Athrun has left to search for Cagalli. He watched his friend's back slowly fade from sight and into the mass of people in the middle of the room.
I wonder where she is… Athrun searched high and low for his love. He just had to find her, talk to her. And then maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to decide then. Love or honor? What would it be?
He let his eyes wander all over the room when he finally caught sight of a very familiar figure right beside the lattice door to the veranda. Thin and rather tomboyish, wearing mint-green… it has to be her, no mistake. He was sure of it.
It seemed as though she was searching for something or someone as well. Could it be him? Athrun's heart leapt at the thought but then again, he remembered, SHE WAS THE ENEMY, and there was no changing that. He advanced on her, each step was heavier than the previous one.
Only a few more strides and he was with her again, Athrun sped up and finally made it to her side, without her knowing it (since she was turning around every now and then, searching). Once more, he felt as though the world stopped all around them.
"Searching for someone?" Athrun asked her, trying his very best to sound normal.
Cagalli almost jumped out of fright. Her eyes were wide with surprise but then, after seeing who it was, they sparkled once more like burning embers. "Uhh… yes. I was searching for you."
Athrun felt his cheeks glow red. His heart was beating so fast, it might actually burst from his chest. "Well, I was looking for you too."
It was as though blushing was contagious. With those words, Cagalli's cheeks blushed as well. She turned to look at her feet but they were hidden well by the length of her gown.
Before she could say another word, Athrun held out his hand, "Let's get back to where we left off, shall we?"
The blond stared in wonder, still blushing. And finally, after much hesitation, she reached out her hand, and laid it on his. It fell perfectly in place, as though fate had it written. Athrun enclosed his hand over hers, holding it tight.
The two made for the veranda to continue on what Dearka had interfered. Just as it was a while ago, the nightskies were dark again. The moon was once again covered by thick, dreary clouds. Everything was the same, except that this time, they were two to admire bare witness to the triumph of darkness over the moon's radiance, and with each other, it didn't seem all that bad.
Cagalli leaned on the banister and breathed the cool, evening air. Athrun still could not help but stare in awe. How was she always able to light up the whole place by her presence alone? Is it her eyes? Is it her smile? Or is it just her?
Athrun stood by her side and moved to lean on the banister as well, but as he placed his palms on the marble, he accidentally laid one over Cagalli's hand. His heart began to beat fast again. What was she going to do? Will she move away? Will she get mad? But her reaction was far from what Athrun was thinking…
Though a little surprised, Cagalli was able to contain it. She didn't move her hand away from his, nor did she say anything. She just laid her head on his shoulder and rested on it. "Please, could we stay this way for a while?"
The blue-haired lad's heart calmed. He held her hand tighter still, "Sure, if that is watch you wish…"
Athrun looked up to the skies. Suddenly, a drop of water fell on his cheek. One. Two. Three. Until rain finally poured down upon them, as though the heavens have heard him languish for the love he found in his enemy. As though the angels wept for their cruel fate. They are in love. So very in love. But as much as they wanted to be together, forever had no place in their story. Forever refused to stay with the only thing they wish would linger: Love.
"Embrace so much tighter,
This could be our last together.
Heaven sheds tears for the wounded hearts.
Our forever has been torn apart…"
After another spell of silence, Athrun finally found something they could talk about. "If you were destined to destroy the world, would you do it?"
Cagalli fell silent. She stared at their hands, fingers laced and both refusing to let go. That question felt different from her ears. She had never been asked anything as such. All her life, she had been told that one day, she'd lead their family to victory over their enemy. She had been taught to hate people she had never seen yet. "Destiny…"
"Yes," Athrun said. "The power that governs over our lives… that 'something' that tells us what we're going to do and what we're going to be in the future."
Cagalli looked at him in curiosity, "Is that your idea of destiny?"
Athrun nodded, "That's what I've been told. All of us are pre-destined to do something and we don't have a choice to change it… no matter how painful it is."
The blond held his hand tighter, as though he was going to disappear at any moment, "I think destiny's a matter of choice. You are what you make yourself. We have something that has the power to change everything, even destiny. The only question is how we choose to use it."
"What is that 'something' you're talking about?" Athrun asked.
"Freedom," Cagalli replied. "We have the freedom to change what is already fated for us. So if I was destined to destroy the world, I'd choose not to."
"Our vast religions won't help us answer,
What was pre-destined for us to have,
Since long ago.
It's hopeless…"
"So will you still kill me, Athrun Zala?" Cagalli asked quietly.
Athrun's eyes widened in shock. Did she just call him by his name? Athrun Zala… his name sounded very awkward coming from her lips, but he didn't mind. Was she to tell him that all along, she knew that they were enemies and he was out to kill her? But why the shy glances? The reassuring words? The warm touches? Were they all part of a counter-plan? He didn't know what to think then. He didn't know how to feel. Everything was a haze of crazy ideas and stolen moments.
"You mean… you knew all along..?" Athrun asked, turning to his side to face her. "… Who I am and why I'm here?"
Cagalli looked up to meet his eyes, "My brother told me how you looked like. Blue hair. Green eyes. I love staring at them."
"And the reason I'm here..?" Athrun queried further, still appalled. Nothing was making sense in all of these.
"I figured it with your question," she replied. "You're having doubts on whether or not you're going to kill me. But I assure you, my answer wouldn't differ if circumstances should. If I do not want what is fated to me, I'd choose another path."
"But why..?" Athrun asked in disbelief. "If you knew all that, why are you still here? Why do you choose to stay?"
Cagalli fell silent once more. She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding so close that she could hear his heart beating, "Because I want to."
"The world, it turns with us.
Hold me in closer, don't let go of me
Now we close our eyes and let go to the night
The night we feel alive…"
Not another word was said. Everything that has been said was enough to explain what had just occurred. He loves her. She loves him. Though destiny dictates that they shouldn't be together, they still choose to because they are free. And that is something that not even destiny can change.
Seeing that Cagalli was already shivering because of the cold and the pouring rain, Athrun enveloped her in a tight embrace. They sought warmth in each other's arms, the only place where they can be free. Where they can be together. The only place they want to be.
The jovial music from inside finally faded to be replaced by a slow, heart-wrenching tune. It was a song unfamiliar to their ears but when they felt the message it was trying to convey: Love. Separation. Languishing. The very things they are feeling at that very moment. Upon hearing this, Athrun parted from Cagalli and held out his hand for the last time that night, "May I have this dance, my princess?"
Cagalli didn't say anything as she placed her hand perfectly over his. Athrun placed her hand over his shoulder and caught her by the waist. They drew nearer still as the chorus of the song played on, swaying to its melancholic beat and drifting across the empty veranda.
The rain and the cold air created a mist that hid them from everyone's view, much to their happiness. That way, no one in that wicked world will judge them or tell them what to do. They can be themselves, just the way they are. Athrun and Cagalli danced the song away, holding each other close and fearing each moment passed would be the last they were going to share.
"I love you," Athrun whispered softly in her ear as the last note of the song faded in the silence.
Cagalli stood on her toes so as to reach Athrun's ear, "… endlessly."
"Is this the beginning of our last dance?
Once around the floor, can we do it again?
I feel the thrill from words we say,
I love you."
to be continued
