Boy Smells Nice. This is a one hit wonder of the episode Beer Bad when Buffy is cave-Buffy and is smelling Xander. Well, I always wanted to do a little something with this scene, so here it is. First couple of lines are straight form the original ep. About the storyline, well, Giles is cool and you all are going to have to deal with it okay! I want me some Buffy and Xander action okay!
Xander and Giles find Buffy in her dorm room after Xander had told Giles that he gave some strange beer to Buffy at the bar that he works at and now it is making her act strange. They see Buffy carving some things on the wall. She begins to say some stuff, which sounded like nonsense to Giles and Xander and then Buffy starts to move around.
"It's fascinating really," Giles says as he watches Buffy going around on a chair and then she falls on the floor. She heads over to the TV.
"Want people. Where people go?" Buffy says.
"The TV is off."
"Want! Want people."
"She doesn't appear to be in any danger. Maybe you should stay with her." Giles looks at Xander and then Buffy starts to sniff Xander.
"Or perhaps she should be left alone."
"Boy smells nice." Buffy grabs him and sniffs him.
"Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto," says Xander as Buffy walks around him still sniffing him. "Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off."
"Beer? Buffy want beer," Buffy says.
"You can't have beer," says Giles in an authoritative tone. Buffy gives Giles an evil look.
"Want beer."
"Giles, don't make cave Slayer unhappy," Xander says.
"Maybe I should go and find this man, Jack," says Giles moving over towards the door. "You can handle Buffy here." Giles leaves the dorm and closes the door.
"Gee, thanks, Giles," Xander says. He looks at Buffy, who tilts her head as she looks at him. She then sniffs him some more. "So, Buff, mind if I tie you up and gag you?" Buffy looks at him strangely. Xander sighs and heads over to Buffy's bed. He sits down and sees Buffy still look at him.
Suddenly without any warning, Buffy hits Xander on the head with something very hard. Xander falls back onto the bed and completely loses consciousness. Buffy then starts to take off his shoes. She has a little trouble at first, but is successful. Then she throws them aside and continues with his socks.
"Buffy want boy," says Buffy as she jumps on top of Xander and rips his shirt off. She lays her head on his chest and becomes overjoyed with his heartbeat. Buffy passes her hands all over his chest and then they go down to his pants. The belt looks strange to Buffy and she stares at it for a while. She finally gets the hang of it after roughing Xander for a bit, which did not wake him at all.
Xander must have been hit hard for him not to feel the tugging and pulling Buffy was doing with his belt. She then unzips his pants, but decides to have fun with the zipper. Buffy zips it up and down. She giggles at the sound that it makes and then she zips it all the way down.
"Boy wake." Buffy straddles him and starts to move roughly on top of him. "Wake." She starts to jump up and down on him. Xander finally wakes up, with the biggest headache. He touches his head and sees Buffy on top him. Then he realizes that his shirt, socks, and shoes are off.
"Buffy, what are you…" says Xander unable to speak because his head is ringing from the hit he took. "Are you trying to take advantage of me?" Buffy lays her head on his chest and she seems to purr like cat. She moves her head against his chest to feel some warmth. "Maybe I should have stayed knocked out longer." Xander falls back on the bed.
Then someone knocks on the door. Xander tries to get up, but Buffy stops him and kisses him on the lips, so he won't talk. The person then opens the door slowly and is surprised to see Buffy on top of someone.
"I'm sorry," says the shy girl with her eyes closed. "I'll come back later." She quickly leaves the room and closes the door.
Buffy finally releases Xander's lips. Xander takes in some air and looks at Buffy and then at the door.
"Buffy, that could have been Willow."
"Yummy lips."
"I agree, but I don't think we should do this. You're not yourself and I'm thinking all over again the love spell on Cordy is much worst than this."
"Boy don't want Buffy."
"No, that's not it. Boy like Buffy, a lot. It's just, Buffy like other boys that are not good for her."
"Buffy like you."
"I wish that were true, really I do, but I know it's that thing I gave you at the bar."
"Beer bad."
"Now that's a lesson to learn." Xander then realizes that his zipper is down. He quickly zips it up, but Buffy grabs his hands and pushes them away. "Now, Buffy, stop that." Xander pulls the zipper up and Buffy doesn't touch it anymore. "Do you mind getting off me? I can't believe I'm saying that." Buffy gets up and sits on the bed. Xander gets off the bed and searches for his things. He bends over to pick up his shoes.
"Nice butt." Xander turns around to Buffy.
"Thanks, Buffy." Xander grins and sits on the bed and attempts to put his shoes back on. "I hope Giles can stop Jack from giving more beer to other people."
"Xander go?" Xander looks at Buffy, who gives him a sad face.
"Xander no go."
"Xander stay?"
"Yes." Xander pulls off the only shoe he had on and climbs back on the bed. "Xander's a sucker for the girls with pouty lips." Buffy pulls Xander back down on the bed and then lays her head on his chest again. She closes her eyes.
While all this was happening in the dorm, Giles had called the police and they captured the cavemen and they didn't start the fire, where Willow and Parker were, although they were both unconscious. Willow still was angry at Parker and she got to slap him hard on the face. She left after that.
It was pretty late and Giles had forgotten about Xander and Buffy in the dorm. Willow arrives at her dorm and sees Buffy and Xander asleep. They are snuggled up together on Buffy's bed. She had no idea about Buffy becoming a caveman, but she thought that it was cute that Xander stayed with her for the night. Buffy was pretty sad about the Parker thing and she needed a guy friend to talk to and Xander was the one.
Morning comes and Buffy's caveman experience has worn off. She looks at her bed and finds herself with Xander, with his hand wrapped around her waist. Buffy pushes it away lightly and gets off the bed. She then looks at herself in the mirror and starts to touch her hair. She then smells herself. She feels like if she is going to puke at the scent.
Buffy strips quickly out of her stinky clothes and wraps herself in her bathrobe and then she grabs her bathroom materials and heads for the showers. The instant she feels the hot water hit her skin, she felt much better. She shampoo's her hair three times to get the stench of beer out of it. Finally, she exits the shower and gets back into her robe and then returns to the dorm.
When she opens the door, she sees Xander getting up. Buffy wants to exit her room, but decides not to and walks over to the bed. Xander opens his eyes and scratches his head.
"Morning, Buff," says Xander. Buffy sits down on the bed and doesn't say a word. "Nothing happened with us last night, if that's what you wanna know."
"I kind of don't remember everything, but I think I was coming on to you," says Buffy. "Hence the sort of sleeping together."
"Yeah, you were again." Xander grins. "I knew you'd come around, Buff. You couldn't keep your hands off me." Buffy slaps him lightly on the arm. She notices that he has no shirt.
"What happened to your shirt?"
"You ripped it off."
"Oh, I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry. I never liked that shirt anyway."
"Thanks for being there for me. I don't know how many times I'm going to say this to you."
"A lot." Buffy looks over to Willow's bed, who pretends to be asleep. Buffy gives Xander a wink.
"Oh, Xander, I want you." Buffy gets closer and falls on top of him. They start making kissing noises.
"Guys, I'm right here," says Willow getting up. Buffy and Xander get up and smile at Willow. "You guys are so mean."
"Gotcha," both Xander and Buffy say. Willow grabs her pillow and starts hitting the both of them. Xander and Buffy grab each a pillow and attack as well. After their kiddy pillow fight, Willow had to get going to class, but Buffy stays with Xander a little since her class doesn't start until much later. Xander then explained to Buffy the whole caveman thing and apologized to Buffy for giving her beer in the first place.
"Xander, it is not your fault," says Buffy.
"I know, but I do feel responsible about it," says Xander.
"It's my own fault for still moping about Parker and drowning my sorrows with beer. I know better than that. I'm so stupid."
"No, you're not, Buff. You're the smartest girl I know, except for Willow that is. It's not because you're the Slayer, it's because you're Buffy and that's all that counts."
"Thanks. Um, do you mind turning around while I change?"
"Sure." Xander turns to look out the window as Buffy slips out of her robe and into some clothes. She then grabs a big sweater from her closet.
"You can look now." Xander turns to Buffy and she tosses him a sweater she had. "Here, you can wear this, so you won't have to go out shirtless through campus."
"What, you don't want any of the other girls to check out my muscular physique?"
"Exactly." Buffy smirks at him as he puts on the sweater. She heads to the door and Xander goes up to her and grabs her hand as she opens the door. At the door is Parker, surprised that Buffy has another guy at her side. Xander grabs the coffee pot and hands it to Buffy. Buffy then hits Parker on the head and he falls to the ground. No one saw her hit him.
"Bad Parker." Xander laughs at that. He then walks over Parker's body and helps Buffy jump over it as she tries to close her dorm room door. "I think I'm over the moping."
"I had a feeling you would be." The two walk out of the building. As soon as they were outside, Buffy stops Xander from leaving. "What is it, Buff?"
"I kind of wanna talk about everything I did yesterday. Meet me at the Bronze tonight?"
"Okay." Xander walks away.
That night at the Bronze, Xander comes in and he feels like he is still in high school entering this club once again. It is the hang out joint of the Scoobies, besides Giles' place. That joint isn't as fun as the Bronze, though safer with all of Giles' weapons.
"Hey, Buff," says Xander as he finds her sitting down at a table. "Where's Will?"
"Study session," replies Buffy. "It's just you and me tonight."
"Sounds cool."
"Buffy want dance." Buffy says this in a caveman sort of tone. Xander's eyes widen and look at Buffy. She is laughing and has her hand over her mouth.
"Very funny." Xander gets up and extends his hand to Buffy, who without hesitation takes it. He leads her over to the dance floor. "Now it's my turn to do the dirty dance." Buffy bows her head.
"Did I ever say I was sorry about that?"
"Hmmm, nope, but I forgive you." The two begin to dance and Buffy lays her head on Xander's shoulder.
"Xander?"
"Yeah?"
"When I was cave-Buffy, I remember something that you said."
"What was that?"
"You said that I like boys that are not good for me. You're right. I have a horrible taste in men."
"No, you don't, though the last couple of guys weren't that great. Buffy, I…"
"You don't have to say anything else. You know I wouldn't have minded if we had ended up having sex." Xander's eyes light up and look at Buffy. "You probably would have been better than Parker and that is the last time I will mention his name."
"I'll have to agree with that." Xander gives her his signature grin. Buffy looks at Xander's lips and moves closer to give him a soft kiss on the lips. "This is good news." Buffy smiles at him and they continue to dance.
"Hmmm, boy smells nice."
