Setting: MWPP era, sixth-year Hogwarts
Ships: SiriusLily, JamesLily, SiriusOC (I wish Microsoft Word would stop putting those angry red lines underneath my ships)
Warning: Crack!, slightly OOC, OCs abound
A/N: Haha, SiriusLily is like 'seriously' (mad grin). Dedicated to Shealtiel. Yes, dude, it's finally finished! (:
.-xXXx-.
"You're an obnoxious, irritating, obdurate, headstrong –"
"– adorable, wonderful, absolutely perfect –"
"– arrogant, pigheaded git!"
"Ah, but you love me, Evans."
"Shut up."
Lily was sitting cross-legged on the ground under the large beech tree, looking up through her fringe as Sirius struck a pose.
Then he knelt down and pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss to the red lips that pouted at him. She smiled and pulled him closer.
Neither of them noticed a curtain high above them twitching shut angrily. A certain ebony-haired Gryffindor Chaser disappeared into his dorm in a flurry of rage.
.-xXXx-.
"Did you find Sirius?" Remus asked from the floor, lying on his back with a book held high above his head.
"You'd better believe I did!" James' voice roared from behind his curtains. "That stupid mutt is going to die!"
"Whoa," Remus said. "What'd he do? Wait – he didn't attack Snape without you, did he?"
Silence from behind the curtains, which had nothing to do with Remus' refusal to call Snape "Snivellus".
Remus laughed nervously, "Or did he get off with Evans before you did? That must be it."
Suddenly the book was torn from his grip and James was standing above him, wand in one hand and Remus' book dangling from the other.
"Did you know?" he hissed.
"Did I know what?" Remus sat up, still wary of James' wand.
"Sirius. Evans. Together." James' voice was surely an octave higher, a definite sign that he was close to hysteria. "I saw them! They're near the lake! Together! Sirius and Evans and Evans and Sirius and they're together, Remus, together!"
"Calm do–"
"Don't tell me to calm down."
Remus blinked. "I wasn't."
James stared incredulously at Remus for a few seconds, and then burst into shaky laughter.
"Wait, what do you mean, they were together?" Remus asked, now that the wand was no longer pointed directly at his face.
James' laughter abruptly stopped and he stiffened, a single tear of mirth still dripping down his face. He sat down heavily on the floor next to Remus, leaning against the foot of his bed.
"Together as in they were sitting together, and they were laughing, and joking, and kissing, Remus," James said icily, throwing Remus' book at him.
"Sirius? Kissing Evans?" Remus repeated, eyes huge, unable to stop the horror creeping into his voice. His book hit him in the face. "Sirius was kissing Evans and she didn't Crucio him, or hex him, or jinx him, or, at the very least, punch him? No tossing of the hair and flouncing away? She let him?"
"She bloody well did," James said numbly. "When I get my hands on Sirius, I'll –"
"You'll tell him what a great, sexy, thoughtful mate he is, and do his Transfiguration homework for him, of course," Sirius' voice was cheery as he sailed through the door. "Why, thanks, Prongsie. That lot's usually left up to Moony, but you're welcome to it."
James' teeth were gritted as he ground out, "Not bloody likely."
"You're not that bad," Sirius said airily, and then his smile faltered as he finally noticed the look on James' face.
"You are so dead," James growled, reaching for his wand.
"Prongs, please… Moony? Remus! Help!" Sirius shouted.
Remus was hastily backing away towards the door, saying, "I have to – um – water my – books. Yeah… Books… Bye!"
There was a quick flash of light and Sirius was hanging upside-down in the air at the same moment the door closed behind Remus.
"Prongs – James – please," Sirius implored. "We're friends, right?"
"That just makes it worse!" James yelled, pacing around Sirius like an agitated Hippogriff in a cage.
"Yeah!" Sirius' flushed face brightened. "Stupid Peter. It's all his fault, isn't it?"
"How could you, Sirius?" James cried. "You know how I feel!"
"Uh, James," Sirius said, the grin replaced by a look of horror. "I think it's time you knew – I don't exactly – um – feel the same."
James jerked his wand and Sirius fell to the floor in an ungraceful heap. His hair stood upright on his head thanks to his sojourn in upside-downness. Sirius moaned aloud and clamped his hands over his head, apparently trying to restore it to its supposed past state of perfection.
"So you're messing around with peoples' emotions here!" James bellowed. "Their minds! How could you do this to me, Sirius!? After all we've been through, after I let you move in with me, and you go and do THIS!? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! BEST FRIENDS, EVEN! HOW COULD YOU, SIRIUS!?"
Sirius stared at James confusedly. His hands came to rest in his lap, but his hair still made him look as if he'd been electrocuted.
"What are you on about, Prongs?" he finally asked. A few loose tendrils of hair floated downwards, brushing his ear.
"YOU!" James roared. "YOU AND EVANS!"
"Oh." Sirius flushed, his hand frozen halfway to scratching his ear. "Oh. Oh, shit."
"Exactly," James snapped.
"Prongs," Sirius pleaded, "before you Transfigure me into a matchbox –"
"– I was thinking of turning you into a piece of paper, actually," James interrupted. "See, then I could write SIRIUS IS AN UGLY, TRAITOROUS GIT all over you and burn you in the Common Room fire, and no-one would be any the wiser."
Sirius' face went from beetroot red to absolutely pale.
"Please, James," he whispered hoarsely. "Before you do anything to me, please just hear me out."
James twitched an eyebrow.
"She came onto me," Sirius said apologetically, shrugging.
James took a moment to glare at Sirius before flouncing away and slamming the door shut behind him.
