Okey dokey, before we begin, let my just start by saying that this fic shamelessly makes fun of fat people. So please don't flame me for that. I warned you, and you read it anyway.
OK, so, while reading this fic please bear in mind that this is CRACK AU. Also, so you understand the story better, Roxas is obese.
Enjoy!
Roxas was having a bad day.
As in, really bad.
When he woke up, his bed collapsed under his weight as he tried to stand up. Then, he nearly fell over with the effort it took to get into the living room chair. Then halfway through his favorite TV show, the chair broke as well. Then, at lunch time, he couldn't fit into the dining room chair and had to stand. And it was only getting worse. As he squeezed himself into the armchair in front of the television, his mother entered the room.
"Roxas, Olette and Pence are in the Usual Spot eating a Super Special Krispey Kreme Double-Stuff Surprise Choclatey Fudge Coated Lard Cake. Why don't you go down and meet them?"
"Really? That sounds tasty," said Roxas. "Let's go!"
His mom brought in the electric towing machine and scooped Roxas up with it. She drove the machine to the usual spot where all of Roxas' friends along with other residents of Twilight Town were waiting for him.
"What are you all doing here?" asked Roxas.
"Roxas," said Pence. "We are becoming... concerned with your weight problem."
"You're one to talk, fat tits!" said Roxas.
"Roxas, please understand..." began Olette.
"Understand what?" cried Roxas. "I'm only 345 pounds!"
"Roxas, we've decided to send you to a special place called Camp Plumpernugget," said Hayner.
"It's a place were kids learn to eat healthy and exercise, ya know?" said Rai.
"You're sending me to FAT CAMP?!" cried Roxas.
"Yeah. Fat Camp," said Seifer.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" cried Roxas.
"We're sending you off to Camp Plumpernugget tomorrow," said Roxas' mom.
I VI VIII IX
The next day, Roxas was loaded onto a bus with about forty other fat kids. The poor bus was sagging underneath the weight and painstakingly made its way to Camp Plumpernugget. By the end of the trip there were several flat tires and the bus seemed to have dipped several inches in the middle.
When they got off the bus, Roxas looked around at the other kids attending Camp Plumpernugget. The first person he spotted was a tall, grey-haired boy who was actually quite thin- except for his bulging stomach. He also noticed a girl with short black hair and a headband who had what looked like ninja throwing stars attached to her waist. Before he could approach any of them, four men in blue t-shirts and kacky shorts approached the crowd.
"Helloooooooooooooooooooooooo campers!!" cried the blonde in the middle.
"Demyx, do you really need to do that every year?" asked the redhead on Demyx's left. "It makes you sound, like, really gay."
"Gayer than usual," added the man with grayish blue hair on the blonde's right.
"You two are just jealous because you're not in the Winx Club," said Demyx.
"The fact that you watch that show is... frightening," said the redhead.
"Please, Axel, I know you love it," said Zexion. "I've even seen your secret Winx Club doll collection that you keep in a box under your bed."
"Will you guys shut up? We have to greet the guests," said a tall, dark skinned man.
"Fine," said Axel.
"Welcome to Camp Plumpernugget, campers!" said Demyx. "I'm Demyx, and this is Xemnas, Axel and Zexion, your counselors! Are you ready to lose some weight?!"
There was silence in the crowd, with the exception of one fat boy screaming "WHEN DO WE EAT?"
"Soon, campers, soon," said Demyx, who seemed to be doing most of the talking. "But first we have to burn off that bus ride with fun and exercise! So lets go do some warmups!"
Demyx and the other counselors lead the children to the middle of a sunny field, where they started doing stretching exercises. Most of the kids could barely make it around their moobs, let alone their toes, but that wasn't the point.
The counselors then led the campers to a track, where they were to run laps. Most of the kids seemed to be having trouble moving faster than a ladybug. One even passed out from the effort and had to be carried away on a stretcher (which was lifted by two heavy mechanical robot arms)
After two hours of exercise (during which three more fat kids went into cardiac arrest) the counselors announced that it was time for dinner. The fat kids were excited for finally getting their meals. They'd gone THREE HOURS without eating anything. Roxas wasn't used to going more than five minutes without a Krispey Kreme donut or double stuff oreo.
The kids all gathered around the tables, sitting down on the forty-foot wide steel reinforced benches and waiting for their food to be served. The counselors walked to the room and put a plate of food in front of each camper.
Roxas frowned at his plate. Beneath his face was not a large helping of burgers and french fries, but instead a small serving of tofu curry. The campers immediately began to fuss about it, screaming things like "WHAT THE HELL?" and "I WANT MY FUDGE CAKE!"
The counselors, however, were expecting this, as it had happened before.
"Fatasses, you're here to LOSE weight, remember?" said Axel. "If we give you fattening food, it will be totally counterproductive."
The fat kids grumbled about it but stopped shouting.
Roxas looked at who was sitting next to him, the boy with the large stomach from earlier. The boy was scarfing down the curry.
"How can you eat this?" asked Roxas.
"I'm hungry," said the boy.
"Yeah, but it's not like, pizza, or a burger, or something."
"I'm not too into food like that," said the boy, shoveling more of the food into his mouth.
"Then why are you here?" asked Roxas.
"I have my reasons," said the boy. "I'm Riku, by the way."
"I'm Roxas."
Suddenly a loud bell sound rung. Axel was standing in the middle of the room, ringing a large cow bell.
"OK, lardos, time for bed!" cried Axel.
"It's only 8:30!" cried one of the girls.
"Too bad. You're getting up at six tomorrow so you need sleep! Now off to bed, moobs!" cried Axel.
The kids lifted their fat selves from the benches and painstakingly walked into their cabins. The cabins, of course, didn't have bunk beds, in the event that it should break and crush the camper beneath them.
Roxas' titanium-steel bed was right next to Riku's.
"So why are you so fat if you don't eat fatty foods?" asked Roxas.
"That's my business and not yours," said Riku. "Let's just say I came here before and something happened and now I'm here again."
He turned on his side away from Roxas. Roxas sighed, turning away from him as well. The door to the cabin opened as Axel walked in.
"We'll be getting up early to do more exercise, so get some sleep, fat tits," said Axel turning off the lights and leaving the cabin in silence. Roxas sighed, closing his eyes and preparing himself for the day ahead.
How is it? I hope I didn't offend anyone! And if I did, you can kindly direct your flames to my anus ;D
Read and review please!
