Title : All in a Day's Work
Part: 01/01
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist
Author: maboroshi-hime
Email: et3rnalsilence666ATyahooDOTcom
Genre: Humor/Parody
Rating: PG
Character/Pairing: Everyone
Warning: Sue-bashing
Spoilers: Does not take place in the canon.
Feedback: Yes, please.
Disclaimer: Arakawa-sensei gets all the work and I get all the fun.

All in a Day's Work

It all started on a dark stormy night. Don't they always?

The very next day, Edward Elric found out that he had a long lost twin sister who lost her left arm as opposed to his right arm, also in a desperate heartfelt attempt to bring her mother back even though she wasn't informed of her death until the day before.

The very next day, Alphonse Elric discovered that his childhood sweetheart, whom he never met, was alive and waiting for him in Central with her best friend, Ravyn.

The very next day, Winry Rockbell met a girl who looked and acting disturbingly like her, and was a much better mechanic and a State Alchemist on top of all that.

The very next day, Lieutenant Jean Havoc, much to his horror, awoke next to a beautiful sleeping maiden. She was pregnant.

The very next day, Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye introduced her twin sister, not separated at birth, but one that she just so happened to forgot to mention during all those years in service. Her twin had a much better shot than Riza and kept on asking about Colonel Mustang, who was no where to be found.

The very next day, Major Fury was seen running in fright from a big-busted woman who kept proclaiming her everlasting love for him.

The very next day, Envy, Lust, and Gluttony were informed to the existence of Jealousy, Passion, and the lesser known metrosexual form of Avarice.

The very next day, Kimbley was about to blow up a city when it suddenly exploded, courtesy of a mysterious redhead.

The very next day, Hohenheim was confronted by a mysterious 11-year-old girl claiming to be his daughter, which was odd considering he hasn't gotten any since he left Trisha 15 years before.

The list goes on, but eventually, everyone had to seek out Colonel Roy Mustang for assistance, seeing how he was the one missing, therefore the only one who could bring salvation to the masses. Imagine the odd sight that greeted the poor man as he emptied a suspicious pile of ashes into the bushes.

Even the inviolable, dignified serial killer, Scar, was on his knees, begging for retribution.

Sometimes, it's a damn inconvenience that everyone wasn't a Flame Alchemist.

Sighing, he ushered the women into his house. Even the most stoic of them all could not resist an invitation to see him in the nude. As soon as the last one was inside, the Colonel quickly barred the door. Then, nearly breaking his fingers, snapped them as hard as he could. Philosopher Stones were gladly provided by the homunculus as Ed looked on, silently seething.

Those who weren't incinerated were beheaded as soon as they crawled out of the demolished house by Ed, who nearly lost his mind after 50 different girls claimed to be his sister and even more his girlfriend. He was assisted by Al, who unleashed his legions of terror (what has four legs, a tail, and lives in a suit of armor?) upon the unsuspecting horrors of humanity.

The next day, Roy's house was rebuilt, bigger and better than ever. He was granted Carte Blanche by the Fuhrer himself and everyone gave him a great big hug and kiss- yes, everyone.

Who said anything about the lips?

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A/N: This is IzzyB AKA maboroshi-hime. I'm the one who wrote the little waste of webspace you see above.

No offense to those who write original characters. I'm not the one who likes picking fights with people (that would be Talia), butsome of these plot-holes are just asking to be made fun of.

Reviews are welcome.
Praises are loved, criticism is cherished, and flames provide endless entertainment.