Elvish Lessons
By alliwantisanelfforchristmas
Summary: Gimli teaches Legolas something new, and Aragorn gets an earful!
Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own them either, though Legolas has been living in my closet since I found him hiding in the corner of the Greenwood movie theater after he fell out of the screen and missed his cue to get back in.
A/N: A great BIG thanks to TreeHugger for getting me into writing fan fiction, and for beta'ing for me and coming up with the Elvish phrases. And a great BIG thanks to Yes Dear too—for everything (especially the Legolas poster!)
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Just another day in Paradise
Aragorn thought. He held before him another invitation to yet another celebration in honor of the Fellowship. Since destroying Sauron and the Ring, it appeared as if all of Middle Earth wanted to thank them personally.I shall have to go to ask Legolas and Gimli if they can accompany me once again.
The King of Gondor rose wearily from his throne. If he played his cards just right, maybe he could slip past the ever-present guards and make his way to the house that Legolas and Gimli shared. Creeping over to the balcony, he raised himself up over the side and dropped into the branches of the oak tree standing nearby. It's a good thing Legolas showed me this way he thought. I always had wondered how he managed to sneak in to play those practical jokes of his without my guard ever noticing.
Aragorn made his way down the wide streets, not pausing. He needed to speak with his friends quickly and then get back before anyone noticed his absence. How he longed for the days when he was a mere Ranger and could come and go as he pleased!
As Aragorn approached the house, the sound of muted voices wafted from the window to his right. Raising his hand to knock upon the wooden door, he was able to make out the gruff voice of Gimli the dwarf.
"Legolas, could you assist me with this?"
"I would be happy to, though I know not exactly what the dwarven procedure would be. Mayhaps you would teach me?
Something in their voices caused Aragorn to pause. This was not the usual jesting banter between his two friends. The dwarf and elf that he knew were more likely to throw insults at each other, even when working together on something.
"You mean to tell me you have never done this before? Not even once in your many centuries of age?"
"Nay, Gimli, not with a male, and most certainly not with a dwarf! Though there were several elf maidens in my youth who adventured to persuade me to try it…."
Aragorn's knuckles on his raised hand were almost white, he was clenching his fist so tightly. Obviously he had interrupted something. He slowly lowered his hand, debating as to whether he should return later.
"Come over here then, beside me. No, closer even," Gimli's voice coaxed.
"Are you sure?" Legolas seemed hesitant. "I did not realize it required such close approximation."
"It seems there are many things a dwarf could teach an elf, given the opportunity. Now, you will need to squirt some of this liquid into your hand," Gimli instructed.
"Oh!" Legolas exclaimed. "What is this? It is so….slippery!"
"Nice, isn't it? It works quite well," Gimli advised. " Long lasting, and quite pleasant to the touch."
There was a pause, during which a long, soft inhalation could be heard. "And the aroma—very stimulating to the senses" Legolas replied.
What are they talking about
? Aragorn thought. And what are they up to? Aragorn turned to leave. Then his curiosity got the best of him, and he decided to listen just a little longer…."It's a good thing you are immortal, Legolas. It's been such a long time that this could take quite a while."
"Just lead me onward, elf-friend."
Aragorn leaned back against the stone side of the house. He sank slowly downward to rest on his heels. I can't believe I am doing thishis mind protested…..Is it possible that they could about to…?
"My, Gimli," Legolas murmured. "This is so…dirty!"
"Yes, I know." Gimli's voice sounded rough, even for a dwarf.
"How about here, how do I…" Legolas questioned.
"Use your thumb, rub it gently round and around, just like that."
"I see."
Aragorn froze outside the window, his back against the wall. I AM interrupting something. Could they truly be doing…THAT…in the middle of the day?
"Careful, Legolas! You need to make sure in your haste that you do a thorough job. Don't miss a single spot. You want to be sure you have coated it well."
"Look at this—it's gotten so hard!" The passion in Legolas' voice was unmistakable. Aragorn realized he was holding his breath. "And this…. it has gotten quite sticky! What should I do with it?"
"Put it in here," Gimli rumbled.
"Like this?"
"Uhhuhh. Don't forget to…"
"Oh, I see. It is such a big one!"
Aragorn could not believe his ears. The voices had gotten so close to the window directly above his head, that if he moved the slightest bit, he would be caught eavesdropping. For some strange reason, the whole situation reminded him of Samwise Gamgee. Maybe it was the herb plants growing in the window planter…
"Im gerin al-tirai min ha"
Legolas purred."Ohhhh, trying to use that Elvish Tongue of yours on me, are you?" Gimli growled. "Well, we will just see how far that gets you."
"Hurry up, Gimli. I cannot wait much longer." Legolas urged. "It is much too hot."
"I know. Go ahead and finish up, let it out."
Dear Valar!
a flustered and aroused Aragorn pleaded. Please let Arwen be home when I finally get out of here! Suddenly there was an ear-splitting eruption loud enough to sunder the very palace walls several blocks away."OOHHhhhh!" Legolas cried. "I did not mean to make that noise!"
"It's OK, mellon. Make all the noise you like, no harm was done. Besides, Elves are known for their melodious voices."
Abruptly, Aragorn realized he could no longer hear anything. It was a moment before it dawned on him that he had not gone deaf, but was simply still holding his hands over his ears. Lowering his hands, he heard the hushed voices resume.
"Gimli?"
"Yes, dear Legolas?"
"Do I have that look on my face?"
"Yes," said Gimli. "So noble. So proud. So…satisfied."
"You know, you have that look on your face too!"
"I know. You did remarkably well for your first time. Legolas?"
"Yes, mellamin?"
"Thank you."
"You're quite welcome. Im gelir le anirant im an buia-le"
Aragorn groaned aloud, shaking his head in disbelief. A burst of laughter, followed by a blonde and a brunette head appeared in the window above his head.
"Why, Estel!" giggled Legolas, with a gleam in his eye, "whatever is keeping you? Do come in!"
"Yes," smirked Gimli, "if you had come on in when you got here earlier, you could have helped us with washing the dishes."
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Elvish translations:
Im gerin al-tirai min ha:
I have never seen one (like) itIm gelir le anirant im an buia-le:
I am happy you desired me to serve you