Help...

Warning: This story contains violent and mature content. Please stop reading at anytime if you feel uncomfortable with the subject that is discussed within the story. Please don't read if you feel uncomfortable with subjects relating to sexual abuse. Thanks.

I'd like to imagine… that the world is filled with flowers, bright and colorful, sun shining so bright that you'd have to cover your eyes with your arm in order to see the color of the blue sky… I'd like to dream… that the world is filled with smiles and that this person on top of me does not exist… I wish… that all my life has been nothing but a dream… I want someone to tell me that everything is a lie…

The sound of the pounding meat, the air heavy with sex, the musky air… It's all too real. All too real to be a dream… In fact, this is reality. This is the reality that I've lived with for the past 2004 days. I've been counting since… day 1, you see… I've been counting. I know exactly why I've been counting… It's so that I know how many times I have to stab this man when I finally pull up the courage to end his existence. But I can't… All I can do is lie here… watching his face contort into pleasure as hot, thick liquid burst inside me. And the pounding stopped. All I can hear is the ticking of the clock and his labored breath.

… God… someone… help me… Get this man off of me…

… Is it over? Please, let it be over for today…

I can feel the hot liquid rolling out as he pulls his limp length out. It feels disgusting… I don't want to even think. I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember all this horrible details… I don't… He cleans himself up and pulls up his pants swiftly, like a professional, throwing a box of kleenex on my chest as he exits out of my room.

I sit up, kneeling on my bed as I clean myself up, rubbing the kleenex over my butthole and digging inside for the remaining excess of his dirty semen. I rub my limp length too because he came a little bit over it. I pull up my pants and sweater and scoot over to sit at the corner of my bed. I hug my knees close, feeling safe that the corner of the wall is at least hugging me, giving me comfort.

...After a while, my stomach growls. I'm hungry… It's time for lunch. I get off of bed and walks into the kitchen to check if there is anything to eat. Nothing. Figures. But that's a good thing, I am all too happy that I at least have a reason to get out of this house. "Gonna go out to buy something to eat."

He looks up at me. "Right. Be safe."

I take my wallet and keys and walk out. Looking over, I notice that there is a giant moving truck parked across the house. New neighbor… I tilt my head to the side, standing there, watching… Cool… It's not like anything will change. My eyes meet the eyes of a boy with bright red hair. He seems older than me… taller, at least. And he grins as he waves at me. I shove my hands into the pockets of my pants… I gave a small smile as I walk off.

-xoxo-

I've been ignored, been called a liar… It all started five years ago. That was when I was nine. He went inside my room late at night and started touching me, telling me to do stuff that I didn't want to do. "Hold it and start pumping it," he said as he unbuckled his pants and pulled out something. I was scared, I didn't know what to do. It felt horribly wrong to me. I trembled and I cried for mom. I knew what he could do. I saw mom being beaten black and blue before. But mom never came… and I ended up doing the things that he told me to do.

I told mom what happened the next morning. She said that she would do something about it… But nothing happened.

And it was since then… he came into my room once in a while and it got further and further out of hands. I cried out so hard the first time he violated and penetrated me. So hard… Mom was at home. She was cooking… She knew… and she didn't come for help. I told her what happened. She told me that I was a liar and she told me that I'm banished from school for a week, knowing that I loved going to school because school was a way for me to get out of that mad house.

I would be lying to myself if I say that I didn't dream of the both of them lying on the floor, covered in their own blood, lifeless. And I will be standing there, covered in their blood, holding a sharp kitchen knife… Exactly 2004 stabs… 1002 for each of them… A lot… and a lot of knife stabs. But it's a dream… A dream never become reality.

Life continues… with or without me. Whether I'm in pain or not.

"One chicken salad sandwich, please." I say as I pay the amount showing on the cash register.

"Thank you." The woman at the cashier smiles. "May I get your name, please?"

"Roxas…"

"Alright, Roxas! It will be a ten minute wait! We will call out your name." She said cheerfully.

"Thanks…" I said and nodded, then stepped aside to wait, making sure that I am out of people's way. I lean against the wall as I watch the people come and go. "Red hair…" I mumble to myself, crossing my arms. I don't know a lot of people with natural red hair. Oh wait… There was that boy, when I was in first grade. He was my senior… What was his name…?

"Axel's the name."

"Alright, Axel! Your order will be right up in ten minutes!"

I look up as I heard that voice. Ah yes… Axel… That's right. He was my best from when I was in the first through the third grade and then he had to move away because of his parents' job and a year later was when my mom got remarried.

He walks over to wait too and he saw me. "Hey, you can call me crazy, but I just have to make sure. Are you Roxas? My long lost friend from like… six years ago?" He asks enthusiastically and cockily. He already knows that he's not mistaken. He didn't change…

I hesitate. … Well, no use to hide. "Yes. It's me, Axel."

"Dude! Seriously!" He grins. "Long time no see! I've moved back! I'm your neighbor!"

"I realize that.. yeah." I answer him, less enthusiastically. He was about to wrap his arm around my shoulder, I quickly dodge him. "..." Please don't touch me.

"Oh sorry. I… uh…" His smile dropped. "So… how's you been?"

"Good… It's good. I'm glad to see that you're alright too."

"Order for Roxas! Chicken salad sandwich!"

"That's me…" I walk over to get my sandwich.

"Hey, you wanna sit down and eat together? Catch up?"

I hesitate again… "Sure…"

"Oh. Let's go to that seat by the window." He says as he walks over to the table by the window. I sit down in front of him, not looking at his face at all, avoiding his gaze. He's watching me rather intently. "So… you been okay?" He tilts his head to the side, seemingly confused.

"I've been good…" I say, pushing my sandwich aside, waiting for his order to come before I start eating.

"You don't look… ok though. You look… sad…"

I scoff. "I'm alright."

"So, you still living with your mom then?"

"Yeah. She got remarried a year after you left."

"Ouch. So you got a stepdad, huh? …. Has…. he been treating you alright?"

I look up, meeting his gaze and shrug.

"... Well, you tell me if he's doing anything to you, alright? I'll beat him up for you."

I open my mouth, about to tell him everything, about to spill all my heart and soul to him. But I quickly shut my mouth and bite my lip until it bleeds. And I nod silently, looking away. "Will do, Axel…"

At least… someone in this world cares… Will he call me a liar if I tell him…? But… what can he do? He's only going to get in trouble because of me…

When he got his sandwich, we start eating. "By the way, since I know that you were going to ask~. I'm moving back here permanently. Parents like this place and they say that it's a nice place for me to get my education too. I sent you letters and stuff, not sure if you got them though. But yeah. I'll be attending high school while you are still in middle school. But you'll be in high school in like 6 months, right?"

I nod. "Right."

"So we can go back to being best friend!" He grins happily. "I miss my wittle Roxas!"

I laugh for a bit for the first time in a while. Looking up, I smile. "I miss you too, Axel." I didn't realize how much I missed him. He was always like a big brother to me. He was always there, always protecting me.

"There's that funny smile!"

He's infectious.

"You know, for a while there, I thought somebody killed your dog or your cat or something. You look so depressed. …. are you? Are you absolute sure that you're alright?"

How could he act like nothing happened? How could he act like after all these 6 years… "People change…?"

He shakes his head, disagreeing. "You were a happy, smart boy. You can't change from being a happy little boy to somebody so… depressed."

"Things change, Axel… I… gotta go," I stand up as I wrap the half uneaten piece of my sandwich back to its white wrapper.

"Well, you'd better get used to me bothering you, Roxas. I'll be around. Get used to seeing me often," he smirks.

I grab my sandwich and leave without saying another word.

-xoxo-

When I get home in the afternoon, he decided that he wanted another go. So, he grabs me by the hair and throw me on the bed in his and mom's bedroom. "You know, you should be proud that your hole is so much better than your mom's. Your mom's is old and saggy. Your is tight and tender." He whispers in my ear.

I want to just disappear…

Then, he pulls down my pants and then his pants. His already hard rod springs out. He would usually use lube before he enters, but this time, he decides that it will be a good idea to skip all of that. And so, with a hurried positioning and a single hard thrust, he enters me raw. I scream out. The pain seared through my entire body, tingling through my spine, my back, sending loud alarms to my head. Oh god… the pain…

Then, the same meat pounding sound can be heard echoing throughout the room as he starts groaning and panting, saying 'yeah...' in a throaty voice here and there. Take me away from me… someone… Soon after, I feel the hot liquid pouring inside me. I think I passed out after that, because I don't remember anything else.

That night… I had a dream…

In the dream, I see a myself hanging on a rope that is coming down from the ceiling. My neck was black and blue and my eyes were white with little pupils… There it is… my lifeless body. I am there, staring at the dead me.

… I think… that's the best dream that I had in a while...

-xoxo-