Keith sat alone by the lions, not being able to will himself to get up. He was left outside where the group had landed the lions near the research center of the Garrison. Keith couldn't look at the building without a plethora of memories come flooding towards him. All the fights he had gotten into with teachers and students, both verbally and physically. He wondered what they thought about him now, the drop out that returned with the missing students. It seemed like once again he was becoming the talk of the school. With a heavy sigh, Keith sat up and walked towards the Red lion. His mother was still in Black, saying that she wanted a moment alone, which Keith completely understood. Coming back to Earth would undoubtedly bring many memories back to her, of what she missed and had left behind. Feelings of longing and heartbreak.
Something Keith just wasn't quite feeling.
Everyone around him seemed to have some sort of drive that he just didn't. Pidge was practically glued to her mother who was in tears when she saw her daughter after so long. Hunk had apparently been swarmed with many teachers and peers, all were overwhelmed to see such a familiar and kind face once again. Lance all but launched himself from his lion as he nearly sprinted inside when he heard his mother was on the phone. Even Allura, Coran, and Romelle were welcomed with open arms, curiosity driving them to enter the building with the head director. Keith only went inside briefly when they took Shiro in, but he was ultimately told to leave and he was escorted out even with the fight he put up.
There Keith was, alone and sitting in the red lion. It felt so odd being in Red again, between the Blade and piloting Black, it seemed like forever since he was in his original lion.
"Hey, Keith?" a voice said from the paladin's helmet.
"Oh, Pidge, what's going on down there?" Keith asked. "Is Shiro alright?"
"Everything seems to be going well with him," Pidge reported. "Are you sure you don't want to come inside, they're asking a bunch of questions and we think you should be part of this."
Keith grimaced to himself at even thinking about going back in their with the same people that shunned him for so many year and had kicked him out. "No, tell them that I'm recovering." At that moment, Keith realized how tired he actually was. Between the fight with Shiro and then with Lotor and all the travelling they'd done, Keith haven't had so much as a quick power nap once or twice. "I'm going to go to sleep."
"Um, alright," Pidge said, her words sounding a little unsure. "I don't know when they will be done or what we're going to do next."
"So wake me up when it's all over," Keith said, yawning as the green paladin gave her partings. With a sigh, Keith leaned against the seat of the red lion, and before drifting off, noticed a faint, familiar sent around him. One that caused him to smile at the slightest bit of comfort.
Keith woke to the feeling of movement. Immediately, the paladin became alert and jumped out of his chair, ready to defend himself from the threat. Then his eyes locked with a pair of wide, blue eyes.
"Woah, Keith, it's just me," Lance said, putting his hands up to protect himself. Instinctively, Keith had drawn his blade.
"Oh sorry," Keith said, relaxing and putting down his weapon, feeling embarrassment flood through him.
"I didn't know you were in here." Lance seemed to relax too as he no longer felt threatened. "I was just coming to get somethings." The two fell into a weird silence as Keith just nodded, not knowing what else to say.
"Okay, man, listen," Lance finally said after some time. "We all know that the Garrison isn't your favorite place in the world. You know, I get that, you got in some fights, got kicked out, became a rebel."
"I didn't get kicked out, I left," Keith said with narrowed eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. The point is, we're worried about you." Lance came closer to Keith, a solemn expression on his face. "Where'd want to go?"
"What?" Keith asked, not understanding what Lance was getting at.
"You are obviously pulling back Keith, you always have, and this time I'm not letting you. So we can leave the Garrison for a little and go wherever you'd like."
"Lance, that's fine," Keith said, hand gripping his own arm. "Weren't you excited to see everyone, to finally be back?" Keith didn't want to be the one to pull Lance away from all that he had been excited for. He already felt the guilt twisting in his stomach, he couldn't make Lance draw back like he had, he didn't want to be the cause of Lance having to leave what he wanted so bad.
"No, Keith, we're doing this," Lance insisted. "I've been talking to everyone for hours and the Garrison is flying my family here right now, so it's not even like I could be on the phone with them. I don't have any plans so," Lance picked up a bundle of clothes. "If you're not out of Red by the time I'm out of my suit, then, well, I don't know, just stop being such a hermit, mullet."
With that, Lance walked out of Red, leaving Keith smiling to himself.
When Keith left he lion, Lance was waiting for him, leaning against one of the paws. Lance had his jacket tied around his waist, looking up at the sky with a thoughtful expression.
"Ready to go?" Lance asked once he noticed Keith coming over who was also out of his armor.
"Yeah, I'm going to go tell my mom I'm leaving," Keith answered.
"She's not in the lion, she left a while ago." Lance raised a brow at Keith's shocked expression. "I saw her walking out a while ago, she said that she tried talking to you but you weren't responding, she figured you were still sleeping and didn't want to bother you."
It was odd for Keith to not be woken up, it seemed as if any sound or movement would arouse him from his slumber. "Guess I was caught up in a dream?" Keith said, his hand going to scratch the back of his head.
"What were you dreaming about?" Lance asked casually as they began walking.
Keith shrugged. "Stuff." Stuff like memories of his father and the time they used to spend together. How everything seemed alright before his father died and he was sent away. He always felt like he was always in an abyss, feeling his way through the darkness, searching for some sort of light to guide him.
"So where we headed?" Lance said, falling into step with Keith.
A smirked crossed Keith's face. "To get a ride." Keith lead Lance to an area that was a way away from the buildings and close to the rocky surroundings. Keith momentary disappeared into a cave, only to return with a hover bike.
"What in the world?" Lance gawked as Keith opened the seat and took out a helmet. "There's no way this is yours."
"It's not," Keith said with a smirk. "Its Shiro's."
"Wow, Shiro was already up on my list of cool people, but this just earned him a few more points."
Keith tossed Lance the helmet and he put it on after remarking that he really didn't need it. Keith got settled and instructed Lance to get on. With a bit of hesitation, Lance got onto the back, arms wrapping around Keith's abdomen. Keith was grateful that Lance couldn't see the light blush that started to creep its way onto his face. The red paladin started the hoverbike and the two were off.
Keith couldn't help but smile as he felt the wind blow by him, the filling of it in his hair and in his lungs. It was nostalgic and only then did Keith realized how much he missed the liberating feeling of leaving behind what bothered him. He knew it was upsetting, first time back to earth in forever and all he could do was try to escape immediately. Just like Lance said, to pull back. But was it really that bad to do so?
He never wanted to think of it of escaping, that felt cowardly and weak, it was a journey. He couldn't tell where the journey would end, but that was okay. Having the journey end felt wrong. Keith was always on the move, always going somewhere, never in the same position for too long. The consistency, the lack of change, it was something so unfamiliar and foreign to Keith that it almost scared him.
As Keith picked up speed, he felt Lance's arms tighten around him, Lance pressing his face further into Keith's back. Well, maybe not all things familiar felt weird.
Keith stopped when they came to the edge of a cliff that look down into a dry, rocky ravine.
"Where are we?" Lance asked, unwrapping hiself from Keith. Keith couldn't help but feel a bit of loss once the Latino was no longer clinging on him.
"Somewhere," Keith said as he got off of the bike and walked closer to the edge.
"Haha," Lance said dryly. "But seriously, Keith."
"I'm honestly not completely sure, Lance," the asian said. "I like to just ride around and see where it takes me." Keith took in a deep breath. "Once I went out and just kept going and going, I felt so free, so problemless that I didn't know I was lost."
"Well, are you still?"
Keith looked back at Lance. He stood by the edge, but still far enough away to stay safe. It took Keith a moment to actually pay attention to the question rather than Lance, who was all but invading his mind.
"Am I still what?" Keith asked, sitting down on the edge, feet dangling as if the fall wouldn't cause him injury.
"Are you still lost?" Lance pressed on, sitting by Keith, but keeping his legs crossed under him rather than having the off the edge.
"I can't say." It came out in a thoughtful yet blunt way.
Silence fell between the two once more, allowing Keith to notice how quiet it actually was. It felt so overpowering in a way. Silence was something he used to be used to, but after leaving Earth and becoming part of Voltron, life just seemed too hetic to find any form of quite. And even if no one was speaking, their was always the sound of some sort of life or the humming of the ship he was on.
The silence was shattered by Lance letting out a heavy sigh. "You are really bad at talking about your issues," Lance said aloud, almost like he was talking to the valley below rather than his teammate who was so close.
Keith looked away from Lance and felt like he wanted to shrink into himself. He knew that Lance was more than likely regretting this and now he was stuck all the way out there with Keith.
"No, Keith, ugh, I'm sorry," Lance said frantically, leaning over to take Keith's arm. Keith gasped as he looked back over at Lance, who was staring at him with a hurt expression. "God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, ugh." Lance grip on Keith grew tighter as the Latino struggled to find his words. "I want you to be able to rely on me."
"Lance," Keith said, not being able to find his own words once again. Why did Lance have this affect on him, he could never seem to find his words. It was like his words weren't from his brain but guided by his beating heart, and it seemed to skip a beat whenever it came to Lance.
"I...When I was on the phone with my mom I just wanted to talk with her forever. And then Marco and Luis and Veronica kept trying to take the phone from her and one another and it was so crazy and funny and I felt so happy." Lance was rambling and he seemed to have caught himself because he shook his head to get his thoughts straight. "The point is, I realized that I have all these people and...and you don't." Keith could hear the pain in Lance's voice as he said it, like it was a thousand stabs to the heart all at once.
"Keith, I started thinking about how you were alone for so long. It all made so much sense, why you were so hellbent on finding Shiro when he went missing. You never had many people looking out for you, who would miss you and want you."
A sniffle caused Keith to take Lance's cheek in his palm and raise his head. Tears were welling in Lance's eyes, his expression pained, causing the feeling to invade Keith. Lance was just saying things that Keith had known his whole life, what he had been living with, so why did it hurt to have it said a loud? Keith never necessarily tried to avoid that reality, it was simply his life.
"I don't want you to feel that way ever again," Lance said, hands shaking as they only gripped Keith harder. "We don't know what's up with Shiro and I know you have your mom, but I want you to know that you atleast have me, have a place you belong. Because I don't want you to have to leave, not again."
A lump formed in Keith's throat and he had to will himself to not let the emotions get the better of him. Keith never had someone be so open to him about how they felt. The only person he had ever seemed to develop such a deep bond with was Shiro, and even that took a while. And there was Lance, shaking in his arms and crying because he empathized with Keith and could't bare the feeling that Keith was living with for so long. Keith had always been okay with being on the side, the lone wolf, it's just how he lived, and Lance was pulling him from that.
"Thank you, Lance," Keith said, pulling Lance closer for a hug. Keith wasn't one to instigate such intimacy, but it just felt so right. "It's been like this for a while. It used to bother me, but now I'm wiser and I'm older and I understand how the world works. It seemed like every time I blinked I was losing someone, my dad, Shiro, it was hard." Keith took in a breath, trying to steady himself. "But now I'm not afraid to close my eyes, because its just life going on and I have to accept it. I realized that life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes. It first I thought, well, that's fine by me, until I realized I should at least live for those few who worked so hard to keep me going."
Lance stayed silent, slowly calming himself as Keith idly patted his back.
"And I guess to answer your question, I'm not lost anymore. After everything, after every little thing that has happened the past few years, I figured out the majority of myself and my life. Without even knowing, all this time I was finding myself."
Lance pulled away from Keith, a soft smile on his face. Keith felt a fuzzy warmth fill his chest as he smiled along with Lance. His heart wouldn't stop beating and he prayed that he wasn't looking like the love sick idiot he knew he was.
"That's good," Lance said, looking back towards the horizon. Keith thought he was probably embarrassed from crying, which Keith didn't mind at all. If anything, it only made his words seem more sincere and meaningful. "My mom used to say that life's a game made for everyone and as long as you play fair and have fun, you'll be happy when its game over."
"You have a wise mom," Keith commented.
"Yeah, she's the best. You can meet her once she gets here."
"I'd like that."
Lance nodded before chuckling. "I wonder if I should tell her I was revived in this game of life."
Keith raised a brow at Lance. "What do you mean?"
Lance turned his head back towards Keith with a confused expression. "I...I died on a mission."
Keith felt his heart sink, that was the only way to explain the heavy feeling in his gut. "You died…" Keith could't wrap his head around it. He knew things were not easy for the team, but did that really happen when he was gone? There was just no way. No one had mentioned it and Lance was the same as usual. It just couldn't be true.
"I know, it's crazy," Lance tried to laugh off. "It took awhile for me to even believe it. But, uh, yeah, but look, Allura did her thing, and here I am."
Keith looked hard at Lance, his features void of any kind of joking vibe. "You're not allowed to die again."
"Not something I want to happen again." Lance gestured to his body. "Is this really something we could take away from the world? I think not."
Keith wanted to snap at Lance for taking the matter so lightly, but he held back. It would only make the situation awkward, but just thinking that Lance could have died when he was away, that he did die, it sent chills down Keith's spine.
"Wow," Lance said in awe, his eyes glued to the horizon. Keith looked forward, watching as the sun began to kiss the horizon, the final light of day beginning to die away. Keith's eyes wandered back to Lance, like magnets that couldn't stay away for too long without feeling the pull towards its attraction. The tears had been wiped away, making Lance look more like his usual self. His signature smile was back, reminding Keith of the first time he felt his heart stop by seeing it. When he fell for the overly charismatic, flirtatious Latino all that time ago.
Keith knew his confidence and longing for Lance was fighting with his self doubt and need to distance himself. He wanted it to end, for this war he was waging inside himself to stop and for him to just come out and tell Lance. If love is a prize, he knew his heart had to win.
