BOB'S BURGERS

NINE DIALED UP TO ELEVEN

WRITTEN BY ZARIUS


When Tina admitted she was being presented with a problem, Louise responded to her with "yeah, you do"

The problem took the shape of the guests, or rather customers, she had invited and charged to attend a special evening screening of a horror movie.

The experience traumatized almost everyone, even Louise had gotten a small fright, but the Belchers were made of the sternest stuff in life and soon the responsibility of transitioning what they were made of to everyone else in the room fell on their shoulders.

Or rather Tina's shoulders.

Louise knew Tina could handle it, she had a quirky, unorthodox means of coping with reality when it hit all of them hard and preyed on their anxieties and uncertainty.

In normal circumstances, Louise could handle it too, but in this case, she couldn't bring herself to.

Her excuse to Tina was that she was only nine, that she wasn't the right age to mentally strengthen or perk up the boys that were reduced to an emotional puddle before her.

Andy and Ollie, the twins, were coping with it on a level expected of them, with warm embraces and words of reassurance to one another.

She envied that, it was too sappy for her, too melodramatic, it unnerved her to try something similar, she barely indulged such traits with her own family. She was a tomboy, a headstrong stubborn force of nature who did not open up so carelessly and compromise her sense of character.

She took a look at Regular Size Rudy, in a state of raw nerves, venting of a desire to have a whole line of adults to greet him in the street and hug him, and she knew this was one instant where she cursed that stubborn streak of hers.

The desire to walk over to him and heal his wounds with a kiss and a hug surged through her mind, but even as her heart fluttered, she maintained a strict expression on her features, she couldn't hug or kiss him even if she wanted to.

To do so would expose her heart to Zeke, Jimmy Junior and the twins, each and any one of them could, and would, gossip about it at school.

Nine years old should not be well equipped for life's greatest gift this early, that of love and commitment. She knew there would be days ahead in the future, when she was older, wiser, and could stand up to her stubborn streak and embrace the side of herself that wanted to be the friend Rudy so desperately needed, but she had to remain distant for now, until she lived a full childhood on her terms.

She knew Rudy cared enough about her to respect her boundaries, and as much as it killed her to see him in this state, she knew he would recover from this ordeal and bounce back from it like a landlord of a thousand bounces.

Life's great gift would have to wait until it's due date of deliverance.

For now, she was nine dialed up to eleven, and it was up to her older sister to stir everyone sane.