Author's Note: This is a short fanfic on the episode Misty Rain. Chapters 2 and 3 will follow soon. I hope you like it :- It would also give me great pleasure to receive reviews :- This is my first Saiyuki fanfic. I hope you like it.

Standard disclaimers apply.

Title: Reflections on Misty Rain

I. Homura

"Homura."

"Hm."

"Why did you release him?"

Startled, I turned to stare at his porcelain face. Smooth and expressionless as always, yet I heard the faintest note of curiosity in his tone. Blind eyes met my gaze unflinchingly. After a moment, I looked forward again, an amused smile playing on my lips. "Shien, I never thought you to be one to pry into other people's business."

"My apologies, Homura, but I'm quite curious. I've never known you to be indecisive."

"Hm. Indecisive, you say? Is that how you see it?" I asked.

"Yes. You had decided to keep Son Goku with us. But right after that you released him."

The smile disappeared from my lips. I stood up and walked to the far end of the hall, stopping before the window. The rain was pouring in torrents again. Just like that night when I captured him...

I remember that sudden feeling of decisiveness I had when I observed Goku's shuddering form drenched in the rain: an intense pity to redeem the boy from his despair, and at the same time an equal disgust at his weakness of spirit. Truth to tell, I felt a tinge of concern for the boy.

Be strong, Son Goku, I told him. Yet these words of advice were bitterly received, and we ended up at each other's throats. My pity was swallowed up by the anger and wounded pride I felt when I realized he was just fighting me to take out his frustration at Sanzo. I am Homura Taishi, fighting god. I am no one's punching bag. But I realized that I shouldn't be complaining. Sanzo's cruelty was actually working to my advantage by driving Goku away from him and unwittingly into my arms.

Son Goku is strong, no doubt about it. He's stronger than most of the soldiers of Heaven's armies, and I daresay at par with my strength. But he lacks focus and training, and who is better qualified to teach him than me? It would be easy to convince Goku to join me, especially in the delicate emotional state he was that night. So I captured Goku, with the intention of recruiting and training him for my imminent rebellion against Heaven.

Sanzo. You've given me the perfect killing machine. I'll thank you with Heaven's blood soon.

Or so I thought.

I had brought Goku to the clearing where Shien and Zenon were engaged in battle with Gojyo and Hakkai, with the intent of presenting Goku's betrayal to them when Sanzo appeared. Watching the accusations, explanations, and the ensuing reconciliation between them, I was struck by one simple truth, and this was why I released Goku.

I turned from the window and walked back to my makeshift throne. Sitting down heavily, I bowed my head and said,

"Shien. I can never be the sun in Goku's life."

-end, Homura POV-