Title: What Will Be
Author: Linda09
Disclaimer: I am not in any way affiliated with DC Comics, Smallville or anything else, I do not own the characters and am making no profit on this. The only thing I do own is THIS story which is mine.
Rating: The story moves between T (mostly) to M (for the occasional strong language and sexual content). However, as it had to be classified, I chose what I felt would be the best rating overall and made it M. If you are underage, and shouldn't be reading the adult stuff please do not do so. If you are of age but don't like sexual content, just bypass it.
Opening Note from Author: The longer Smallville goes on, and the older Clark gets, the one question that has thundered through my head (getting progressively louder each year), has been; How on earth will he ever manage to pull the wool over anyone's eyes, so they won't know he's Superman?
I figure that unless everyone in the SV universe has the mental capacity of a goldfish and can't remember anything for more than 3 seconds; he can't. Admittedly the glasses are a ridiculous disguise to start with, but even if Clark could bamboozle most people he could never, NOT EVER deceive either Lois or Lex for a split second.
So I've been trying to figure out how to fix this minor detail; that's really quite a HUGE detail, and after learning about the legion ring that Clark used in 'Infamous' I saw the light, looked it up on Wiki (to find out what it can actually do), and thought hmmm, this is the only way I can think off on how he can reasonably do it.
For Clark to able to hide his identity I think something like this is necessary. The thought of a whole world filled with people so stupid they can't even tell he's Superman, even though he's been right in their face all this time scares me. Even more alarming is those people then being allowed to pass their defective genes onto their offspring; shivers.
So this is my interpretation of how Smallville will end, so that Superman and the accompanying mythos can begin given what I've got to work with due to SV's influence in this particular DC universe. Anyway, that being said this story will have bits of the Superman movie 1&2 (with Margot Kidder and Christopher Reeve), Lois & Clark the New Adventures of Superman and Smallville interwoven altogether.
Linda
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Chapter 1
Clark pushed back the sleeve of his shirt, looked at his watch and sighed heavily in disappointment. She was over an hour late, which meant she wasn't coming.
When he asked Lois to meet him for coffee, he'd ensured to keep the invitation casual. He hadn't phrased it like he was proposing a date, hadn't done anything to let her know just how badly he wanted her to meet him. He knew that if she was aware of his feelings for her that she'd let him down kindly, and say that she wasn't interested in him that way.
She'd told him that she would come if she could make it, but either she'd forgotten about it, or forgotten about him in the pursuit of her work.
He'd been hoping this one coffee date would lead to more casual meetings, until they'd established some kind of routine, and one day she would finally see HIM. Then he could ask her out on a real date which would hopefully go so well that she'd say yes to another, and another until eventually his dreams of winning her heart back for his own came true. But it hadn't worked because he was here, but Lois wasn't.
He was well aware that if he'd asked her to meet him as Superman, not only would Lois have turned up early, more than likely she would have dressed up in the sexiest outfit she owned, or run out and bought a new one. She was crazy in love with the superhero, but Clark Kent was just her partner at work and her best friend. If she only knew the kind of thoughts her friend had about her.
"Would you like another cup of coffee while you wait sir?" At the sound of the voice at his elbow, he turned and shook his head "No, thanks anyway."
"She didn't come?" The waitress asked sympathetically.
"No, she didn't." He replied softly.
Pushing back his seat, he paid what was owed and left. Half a block away, he wondered if Lois had turned up just as he'd left, and was now curious about his whereabouts. Zipping back he checked the coffee shop carefully, swept his eyes over the tables outside, then through the inside and felt disheartened to see that she wasn't there. Trudging away, he crossed the street and looked back once more only to see the back of a slim woman with a familiar head of brunette hair disappearing into the coffee shop. Rushing back, he tapped her on the shoulder, and smiled wide in greeting but his face fell when she turned around and he saw a stranger looking back at him "Sorry, I thought you were someone else."
The woman smiled, and after excusing himself, Clark turned and walked away; and this time he kept walking.
Once at home, he changed out of the casual but nice outfit he was wearing into jeans and t-shirt, before taking a seat on the couch in the lounge room. Sighing heavily once again, he closed his eyes as his mind spun back in time, taking him from the here and now, to the distant past when his relationship with Lois Lane had slowly changed from friendship, and evolved into love.
When he first met Lois he didn't like her, anymore than she liked him. She made it clear that he wasn't her type, and he'd returned the compliment. As the years passed they spent more and more time together, which subsequently drew them closer until they became friends. They saw each other through the good and bad times, when they were at their best and worst. He slowly came to realise his feelings for Lois were unlike any he'd had for another girl, and knew that she felt the same way about him. There was no romantic feelings, no complicated fussy, messy sentimental slush to be cautious about; just friendship.
However, when she first started liking him romantically he'd felt....flattered. Lois was strong, independent, and plucky. He was used to being liked and liking girls of Lana's stamp. Wishy washy females who didn't know what they wanted from one day to the next, but needed him to save them from their own folly.
Around the time that Lois started liking him, he in turn began to feel more than friendship towards her, and at Chloe's wedding made his move and his interest in her obvious. However, when Lana chose that moment to reappear, Lois was swiftly pushed aside and forgotten.
It was no longer important that he knew Lana wasn't his destiny. He'd known that for a long time, and confirmed it when he asked Lois after the Maxima incident, how he was supposed to discern 'the one' when he met her. If he'd always believed Lana was that person, he wouldn't have needed to ask Lois anything. Hell truth be told, he wouldn't even have listened to her Harley talk years before. Back then he would have told Lois that her analogy while nice didn't apply to him; and only a few months ago informed Maxima that he'd already met the girl who was his destiny, and whether she was with him or not made little difference.
But seeing Lana again brought all the hopes and dreams he'd had of them to life once more. So he turned away from the man he was becoming, reverted back to the boy he'd always been, and played the same game he'd been playing for years. Being with Lana, loving her was familiar. It took no effort, no courage, no questions, or thinking on his part. The new feelings that had begun to grow for Lois were extinguished in favour of the familiar.
Lois was an unknown quantity. The feelings he had for her were undefined. They were new, exciting and frightening, but they made him feel awkward. He didn't like new, he was far more comfortable with the firmly established. He didn't want excitement, he had enough of that in his daily life just being an alien, and he didn't want frightening, not even if it was bound up in the thrill of heat.
Lana by comparison was a very well known quantity. She already knew everything there was to know about him, he didn't have to start from scratch worried that she wouldn't accept him. He didn't have to put himself out at all; he'd already done all the hard work, which hadn't been all that hard really. Begging, pleading and waiting for Lana was what he knew how to do, he was comfortable doing it. He'd never been scared of his feelings for her, they'd taken no effort from him at all, they'd cost him nothing, but starting anew with Lois could cost him everything. Even after Lex got his revenge to keep them apart, it didn't matter that they could never be together physically, it didn't matter that she wasn't 'the one', what mattered was that he didn't have to start all over again with someone new, and that was more important to him than anything else. He was a coward, but at least if Lana stayed then he'd be a coward who'd never have to worry about being alone again.
At the time it all seemed so wrenchingly heartbreaking, but looking back now Clark could see that all they did was once again act out the same tired old scene they'd already chewed over, churned over and spat out a hundred times or more already. They hit play and automatically he was the supplicant at Lana's knees begging her to stay, she gave him a variation of same tearful ardent speech that she'd given him twice before and after she was done, she walked away. Letting out a small snort, Clark shook his head and figured that he should be grateful for small favours. At least that time she'd had the guts to do it to his face, rather than pretending to be dead, or leaving him a video.
When Lois came back to Metropolis, he picked her up and clumsily mentioned the wedding. Although it was clear that she felt somewhat awkward about doing so, she offered to meet him for coffee to discuss things; and in return he once again behaved like the perfect heel, and stood her up. Having coffee with someone wasn't a commitment, but everyone knew it was a polite way for two people to scope each other out, without being obvious about it to find out if interest was reciprocated. Admittedly he'd come to see Lois in a new light during the fiasco of his secret being revealed, but not this much light. This scared him. This was too much commitment for a guy whose only goal in life was being Lana's puppet. That he was used to, that he could handle, but having a cup of coffee with Lois was getting into heavy water, and it was just too much too soon for him.
Standing Lois up was bad enough, but since he was too cowardly to even meet her, he should have been gentlemanly enough to stay away rather than watching her waiting for him. Being stood up was never pleasant, being stood up by someone who'd been making the moves on you prior to his ex returning must have hurt. Being stood up when you'd put yourself out there after he'd left you high and dry took guts, the kind Lois had and he didn't. And then he'd capped it all by watching her waiting for him.
He'd needed that. Although he felt bad seeing her sitting there all alone, he didn't feel so bad that he was prepared to push aside his own discomfort and join her, even though he was aware that he owed her an explanation. After being dumped by Lana once again, he'd needed to see that someone wanted him, someone strong like Lois. So as lousy as he felt for not joining her, his ego had received a nice little boost to see her waiting for him. When he sent the lying message that he couldn't make it, and in return Lois tried to save face by saying she couldn't make it either, his ego received another boost. How could it not? After pleading with and being rebuffed by Lana once again it felt good to be the one in control; the one that was desired. After this Lois could say what she liked about him, but he knew the truth because he knew that she was lying, but she didn't know that he was too.
He very swiftly learnt that he was wrong. After he didn't turn up that night, Lois gave up on him. Clark Kent was written off as just another mistake. He'd clearly fallen far in her estimation as a romantic beau, and her attention not to mention her affections, soon turned to the man she considered a real hero; the Blur.
She didn't even know what he looked like, but that seemed infinitely unimportant to her. What she seemed impressed with was his unselfish willingness to help others. He was flattered by her trust in him, and enjoyed their chats. As the Blur he could talk to her in a way that he'd never felt comfortable doing with anyone else, and in turn Lois opened up to him as she'd never done with another.
Maybe because of her feelings for the Blur, maybe because she just figured that he wasn't worth her time, but even though it was never spoken off, Lois eventually forgave him for sweeping her aside in favour of Lana, and for standing her up for their coffee date. From her side of the equation they were once again back to being just work colleagues and friends; from his side it wasn't so cut and dried.
His feelings for Lois once again began to bloom, but it was the Blur that she now wanted, so he used that connection to get closer to her. Working with her at the Planet, talking to her as the Blur, made him realise for the first time that he could have it all. As Clark; he could make a difference in the world by reporting the news and uncovering injustice. As the Blur, that there was no shame in being different; and not every girl was too weak to stand by his side.
He now wanted Lois to see that Clark Kent could be the kind of man that she spoke so highly off when talking about the Blur; that he could be the kind of man deserving of her affection.
Then she disappeared, and he missed her with a fierceness that he'd never felt for anyone. His eyes had been opened at last, but it had taken losing her before that happened. It was only when she was gone, that he understood just how much she really meant to him.
As much as he thought he'd loved Lana, as painful as he'd found her absence to be when she left, he hadn't felt bereft enough to turn away from the people he was closest to. Not so for Lois. After she was vanished he couldn't even bear to be around those who were closest to her; it hurt too much. So he turned away and cut himself adrift, determined that if he was going to be of any use to humanity, then it was time that he separated himself from them.
When Lois returned three weeks later, he likewise came out of hiding, and it wasn't long before he was back at her side ready to pick up the reigns of the life he'd left behind. But now that he knew just how much he needed her, he was all the more resolved not to lose her from his life once again. However, even though he wanted to be with Lois, he didn't want the Blur to be a part of their relationship.
He'd learnt a couple of important lessons when he'd foolishly come out to the world as an alien. That hadn't been one of the smartest moves he'd ever made, and thank goodness it wasn't irreparable, but at least by doing it he'd come to understand that the human race, despite all their supposed sophistication just wasn't ready to have aliens living amongst them so openly. Lois herself was the other reason. He'd come to discover that he needed at least one person in his life that didn't know about him. He said it was for her safety, but it was really for his sanity.
When his friends found out what he could do, they looked at and treated him differently. Their expressions of friendship, impatience or tolerant amusement changed to wonder. They put expectations on him in one way or another, and their conversations were dominated by talk of his powers or his hero status. But as Lois didn't know about him she treated him like an ordinary person, and he craved that connection. She also didn't hesitate to kick his ass verbally as both Clark and the Blur, and he not only needed that, he appreciated it.
Then on the day that he could hear her thoughts, he tricked her into going on a date. Even though he told Chloe that he hadn't, he knew that he had; and then he stood her up. His reasons for doing so were valid, but Lois didn't know that. She didn't know why he was standing her up after coaxing her into going on a date in the first place, or why he was trying to cut her out of a story; she just knew that he was doing both.
When he saw her at work the next morning, he'd wanted to make up in a way that once again didn't cost him anything. When he told her that she'd missed all the excitement the previous night, she promptly gave him the first of two slap downs by replying "If I remember correctly, it wasn't my excitement to miss; was it?" That was Lois, guileless, in your face, and direct; she didn't believe in mincing words.
He couldn't tell her that he'd only cut her out because he'd been protecting her from being hurt; so instead told her that he'd bitten of more than he could chew, and asked for her help with the story; and she had been professional enough to give it to him. But when she asked if he was holding out an olive branch for the previous night, and informed him that it wasn't every day she allowed herself to be stood up, he'd wanted to regain the upper hand, so smilingly corrected her and said "Well then it's a good thing it was only...like a date."
Interpretation: Lois, I was too gutless to ask you for a date, y'know in case you turned me down. So if you were disappointed it was by your own expectations not by me, because I never actually referred to it as a date per see; it was only ever like a date remember?
He didn't have to say it out loud; his non verbal was loud enough, and she heard it.
She tried to keep valiantly smiling, but let out a tiny sigh of disappointment; which was actually a nice little zing of her own back.
Interpretation: You'll always be a chicken shit Kent.
He received her return message loud and clear.
He considered himself lucky that she left it at the sigh, and didn't roll her eyes before sarcastically remarking "Like a date....what are you 10?" If she had addressed him so directly, he would have been completely flummoxed and blurted out "Yeah; and I need your help to grow up."
Like a date. It was so juvenile, so pathetic, and he'd more than deserved the second sighing little slap down she'd given him for saying it. He saw the flash of disillusion in her eyes at his words, but instead of challenging him she let him off the hook. Since Lois was a forthright person who didn't tend to pull her punches, he was grateful that she'd taken it easy on him.
Since he seemed to be on a winning streak, he decided it couldn't hurt to pump her for information on the best way to approach her with another invitation. So in the most casual of manners he posed the question; "I don't even know how someone would get a second date after messing things up like that."
Interpretation: I want to ask, but I'm too scared you'll tell me to go and suck eggs. Is there any way I can get you to go out with me again, with little to no effort on my part?
In reply she stepped closer, and advised him softly; "Well if people were to try that again, they might want to try on a slower news day....hypothetically speaking."
Interpretation: What second date? According to you we didn't even have a first date; we only had a first 'like a date' that you asked me out on, then promptly stood me up for....remember? And FYI; just in case you missed it; the tacked on 'hypothetically speaking' means that I can play word games too.
Having no problem deciphering her communiqué, but trying to recover some ground from the quicksand he was quickly sinking under, he told her what they both already knew; "Well those don't come along very often."
Interpretation: You're going to make me sweat until I admit it, aren't you? Ok, fine; it was a date! You know it, I know it, and now I've admitted it. So can you please give me a break and meet me half way here?
And she'd simply answered; "No."
Interpretation: No
And now he knew exactly what her words meant when she walked away from him the previous night, and why she'd let him off the hook so easily a minute earlier. She was saying 'no' to everything. Lois was telling him that she'd had enough of his vacillation. It was too late for second chances because he'd used them all up. He'd let her down for the last time, and she wasn't going to give him the opportunity to do so again.
Until then he'd taken it for granted that just like all the other girls he'd dealt with in the past, that Lois' well of second chances would never run dry. However, she'd swiftly disabused him of that misconception with just one word. No long explanations, no maudlin or theatrical speeches, just "no".
He felt dismayed at that, but quickly rallied hoping his next words and the sincerity in his voice would be enough for her to believe "I'm sure that people would make sure they got it right next time...hypothetically speaking of course".
Interpretation: Ok, to hell with pride; I'm throwing myself on your mercy. If you give me another chance, I promise not to fuck it up next time. And btw; my tacked on 'hypothetically speaking' means that I'm trying to retain some dignity, and yes I know it hasn't worked.
She smiled, nodded and replied "My thoughts exactly."
Interpretation: Prove it! And BTW: my thoughts exactly about the dignity bit too.
He knew that she didn't believe him, and couldn't blame her for that. He hadn't given her any reason to trust that he was genuine and not just toying with her affections. But her 'no' made him comprehend a truth that he should have appreciated all along. Lois wasn't a person you screwed around with. She wouldn't take the same garbage year on end that he and Lana dished back and forth to each other, and consider it romantic. He had three strikes against him, and now he was out.
If he wanted them to share anything more than a by-line, then HE was going to have to put himself out there because she was done doing so. He understood that it was now up to him. The pity was that she shouldn't have had to make that clear.
Considering how he'd felt when Lois was gone, and how grateful he'd felt when she returned, he shouldn't have been wasting time hiding behind double talk and innuendo, to safeguard his pride if she turned him down. All he'd accomplished in doing was giving Lois the impression that he wasn't interested in her so much, as in feeding his ego by engaging her interest once again, then letting her down once he'd gotten it and getting his jollies by continuing the pattern forevermore.
Since he couldn't tell her why he'd stood her up after luring her into saying yes, or how he'd known just what to say to get her interested in the first place without receiving a punch in the nose for his trouble, he determined to set things straight at the first available opportunity. He wanted another chance yes, but he also needed Lois to believe that he was genuine; that if she just opened her heart to him, he'd never again treat her callously; not in words or actions.
He knew the only way that she would believe he was sincere, was if he laid it on the line with no room for misinterpretation. So when she was reaming him out about his lack of attention while helping her audition for Good Morning Metropolis, he took the opportunity to make his intentions clear. Although he began by looking at her, in the end he couldn't quite garner the nerve to keep eye contact, but despite squiggling uncomfortably, he stiffened his backbone and told her honestly "Lois, I'm only doing this for you, how else am I going to get that second date?"
Interpretation: I want you to believe that I'm not playing games Lois, and I'm not giving myself any room to manoeuvre just to save face. I'm leaving myself vulnerable and open to rejection by you. You've done so three times for me already, and now I'm doing it for you. Not only because you deserve it, but also because its way past time that I did.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her small start of surprise that he'd manned up, and actually said out loud what he wanted, without the need for pretence or subterfuge.
But when she replied in a prompt, slightly smart aleckly manner "Well, you should have thought of that before you stood me up the first time", he frowned unsure if she was telling him yes, no, maybe or I'll think about it. He couldn't clarify her message, and felt perturbed.
Then Oliver laid his heart at her feet, and he thought that his chance with Lois was gone; that he was too late. But he took Chloe's advice, and once again manned up, and proved to her that he wanted there to be a THEM.
He felt Lois' shock when he pulled her to him and planted his lips on hers, then he felt her responding, then they were kissing each other, and then she was gone.
Well he'd laid it on the line, and now she was running. She didn't like games, they weren't her style, but neither was she used to him being so straightforward. He'd gone from being either blasé or awkward, to directly forceful and that threw her off stride. So this time he had to wait for her to be ready, but he didn't have to wait for long.
She could have kept him waiting for months, she could have danced around playing the coquette for years, but she didn't. He was lucky; soon afterwards she agreed to give a relationship between them a shot on the understanding they took their time. Since she was willing to meet him half way, he was only too happy to agree with her courting stipulations; resolutely determined to show her they could be good together.
They did indeed take their time building a solid relationship, bridging the gap from friends to sweethearts to couple. It took 4 months before they made the full transition from the first to the last, and it was a huge learning curve for both of them. As he and Lana were on like gangbusters before fizzling out soon afterwards every time they were together, he'd never had the occasion or the need to court a girl. Lois meanwhile had been courted by guys in the past, and then left high and dry once she was captivated. So he didn't want to rush only to scare her off, Lois wanted to go slow to ensure it was what they both wanted, and as neither wished their work or friendship to suffer, taking the time to lay a strong foundation first was time well spent, and all the more precious for that.
But making the change from friends to more wasn't as easy or smooth as he thought it was going to be for either of them. Prior to dating he'd caught Lois unawares and kissed her, then she returned the favour shortly afterwards and kissed him. However, when the concept of dating became a reality, spontaneity flew out the window, and bashfulness flew in.
Since he'd seen how effortlessly they'd gotten together while being trapped in Lois' memories of the future, he assumed the same would be true in the present. However, not only had those been unusual circumstances, she no longer remembered them. In that timeline, he'd lived for a year with the knowledge that he only realised he loved her after she disappeared; so for him having her back had been a miracle. Lois meanwhile had been dumped into a world that was out of control, ruled by alien tyrants who killed a person as easy as look at them. As a consequence, she had clung to him as tightly as he had clung to her.
However, in the present time, the spectre of death wasn't hanging like a sword of Damocles over their heads, and as such the early days of their romance were....awkward. He'd used up all his bravado proposing they should be a couple, and she used up all of hers dictating the many ways she expected him to romance her. He'd found out much later it was a test on her part to see if he was serious, or if he was going to take to his heels and run away once she said yes.
Initially they were like a couple of kids on one really long first date. He pecked her lips quickly in hello or goodbye, and Lois did the same in return. He clumsily hummed and hahed while making suggestions on what they should do, Lois looked like a startled owl in surprise then hesitantly smiled in agreement, then the two of them sat around for ten minutes saying 'I don't care you decide.' She stopped dropping by the farm unannounced, and when she did come at his invitation, they quickly pecked lips before retreating to the opposite sides of the room and smiling uneasily at each other. When they had a movie night, either he or she would shift or cough uncomfortably before reaching out to hold the others hand, and if they happened to fall asleep, waking up brought out even more gauche behaviour.
The only place they weren't uneasy with each other was at work. Lois was still feisty and determined, going after the story with gusto. While he tried to hold her in check sometimes, scrambled to keep up with her at others, and occasionally was three steps ahead.
Slowly they did become more comfortable until kissing no longer felt klutzy or weird, bumbling conversations became a thing of the past, and then they just meshed.
They'd been dating for 6 months when he told Lois that he loved her; the words had popped out unthinking and then just hung uncomfortably in the air between them. Until then he hadn't really appreciated that when you said 'I love you' to a girl for the first time, it was never just 'I love you' it was always 'I love you, do you love me too'. So when Lois just stared at him without speaking, he panicked and tried to quickly smooth over the situation.
"I was thinking we shoul...."
"Clark." Lois cut in softly.
He smiled and shrugged "Yeah."
"I'm sorry, but I can't say that back you." She reached out and picked up his hand "I do care about you, but I can't deny that I also have deep feelings for...."
"The Blur." He cut in grimly.
"Yes."
"I know that you talk to him, and although you won't tell me what you talk about, I guess I just assumed that your conversations weren't of a romantic nature." He knew they weren't but at the same time they were; and although he'd continued with the calls, he still couldn't help feeling hurt by her words
She sighed softly and shook her head, then shrugged undecided "They're not, but they are personal on occasion."
He nodded minutely in return "Does he feel romantic about you?"
"I don't know, but it's not him Clark, it's me." She squeezed his hand before letting go "I need to be sure that I'm ready to let go of him before..."
"Before deciding if you want me or not?" He snorted lightly "So what am I Lois; the booby prize?"
"I could ask you the same thing." She returned politely. At his flush, she inclined her head "I haven't until now, but maybe we both need to search our hearts to decide what or who we really want." When his mouth opened, she held up a hand "I'm honestly not having a go at you Clark; but can you say unequivocally that if Lana turned up, you wouldn't run back to her as you've always done?"
"Yes I can." He blew out a deep breath and nodded "I don't blame you for wondering since my track record proves me to be a liar in that respect, but she is in the past Lois, and I'm not just saying that because she's not here. If Lana came back, I'd tell her we were over, that I was now with you, and then I'd say goodbye."
Lois nodded slowly "Ok, so you know. But now I need to know that I'm not just with you, because I can't have him."
"I thought you already knew that."
"I thought so too but now I'm not so sure."
"So what are you saying?"
"I need time. Whether he wants me or not is immaterial, I need to know that I don't want him; do you understand?" She asked quietly.
He nodded softly in agreement "I want us to be together, but I don't want to be your consolation prize Lois. So take all the time you need, but this time be sure of who you really want, because I need to know as much as you do."
"I will; I am sorry Clark, I really didn't realise that he was still an issue until you said...." She trailed off uncomfortably, pecked his cheek and left with a last apologetic smile.
So they took a break, and the irony of the situation didn't escape him. The last time he thought that he was ready to let Lana go and move on with Lois, only to discover how wrong he was when his ex returned. This time Lois thought she was ready to get involved with him, but now that he'd put his feelings out there, she needed time to search her heart to find out who she really wanted to be with.
He'd momentarily thought about telling her he was the Blur but decided against it. He didn't want to tell her just to hold on to her. He wanted her to want the regular guy that she knew. So as hard as it was, he gave her time and space to decide if she wanted to be with him, or with the Blur.
Although they were taking a break, he still called her as the Blur but didn't try to confuse her with declarations of a romantic nature, and in turn she never said anything about her feelings. When Lois picked him over the Blur he felt relieved. The super guy had her admiration and her gratitude but not her heart, that she gave to Clark Kent. And when they got back together, they stayed together.
Their relationship taught them a lot about themselves and each other. Once they were back together there were no more doubts on either side. Lois learnt to trust, to believe that he was a stayer, and unlike her previous boyfriends, he wasn't going to walk away after winning her over. Consequently opening up became easier for her, and the need for hiding behind quips and banter became less. He in turn learnt that despite everything he'd thought in the past, Lana had never been good for him. Her personality poisoned his, bringing all the negative ones to fore and helping them to prosper. By contrast, Lois' maturity, directness and honesty helped him to be a better man, to stay on the straight and narrow.
They dated for 18 months and then it was time for him to go. He never told her about his heritage, never told her that he was the Blur, didn't even tell her that he was leaving to go and do his training. In their time together he deliberated once or twice whether to tell her or not, and in the end decided against it for a number of reasons. Since he'd always known that he'd have to leave one day, but didn't know how long it would be for, he didn't want her to waste her life waiting for him to come back. However, as he was going to lose her, he figured that a little selfishness on his part by holding onto her in the present when she could be building a relationship with someone else wasn't wrong.
He'd also promised himself that the next time he told her everything it would be for the right reasons. Not because she was pissed off, not to soothe his own conscience, or to impress her, but because it was time; and he wouldn't be taking it back.
Neither did he want her to feel that she wasn't enough for him. The last thing he'd wanted was for her to feel that she was holding him back in some way, and come up with some dumb reason for them to break up. Lois had enough steam, spirit and stamina that she couldn't do that on one of her bad days, but he wasn't going to give her the opportunity to worry or argue about it.
However, it hadn't been easy having a girlfriend who had a secret phone lover on the side; and even harder to not be jealous of himself. But since he'd decided against telling her, he also didn't have the right to be up in arms about her continued conversations with the Blur. Even after they got back together he never let it became a bone of contention between them, but did feel partly chagrined and party grateful when she refused to tell him what they talked about. As Clark he was miffed at her silence, as the Blur he was beholden. He finally shrugged and said that as long as they weren't making plans to elope then he was ok about it. When she teasingly replied that she had offered, but had been turned down, he'd known that she was lying so laughingly bared his teeth and that was the end of the matter.
The funny thing was; it was actually his love affair with Lois as his two personas that helped him to make the decision to go. He knew that to be the hero his father had sent him to Earth to be, the one she believed Clark Kent could be, and the one that she already considered the Blur to be, he had to sacrifice. And the sacrifice was Lois and their relationship.
He had to give her up, and the knowledge of what he was going to lose hurt unbearably. He was finally paying the price. Losing Lois, her love, her memories of them was going to cost him everything.
He used to talk big about Lana being his destiny, he'd behaved like a crazy obsessed Lana Lang groupie for years, but he'd always known that she wasn't the one; ALWAYS. He'd just refused to examine his heart any further than on the surface where youthful dreams resided because he'd wanted her.
Lois was different, she didn't come under the fickle and selfish banner of 'want'; she came under the heading of 'love'. He loved her and knowing that he had to leave, that he was going to lose everything they had come to be, slammed into him and almost drove him to his knees with the truth that he'd never stop loving her, NEVER!
His feelings for her had thrived the longer they were together. On the foundation of their relationship, he'd wanted to build a future that would last for the rest of their lives. But knew that he couldn't because one day he'd have to leave her behind to go and do his training; and that day had finally come. He had to turn away from her, before the temptation to stay made him too selfish to leave.
He wanted to laugh at that, but the situation wasn't funny. All the years he'd chased after Lana, all the times they were on again, off again, on again, off again, played house at the farm, he'd never once considered giving her up to go and do the training. At the time it was because all he'd wanted was a normal life. Unfortunately, the girl he'd wanted that normal life with was just as selfish as he used to be. He was grateful that in one of her rare moments of altruism, Lana went against her ingrained self-seeking nature, and performed one of the most decent acts of her life by walking away when he begged her to stay. If she hadn't, he would have squandered even more years at her feet being a dependant milksop, who only knew how to cry and plead not to be left alone and lonely.
More importantly he would missed out on sharing the past 18 months with Lois who gave him the strength to face each day, made him act like a man. She made him want to be a hero, a saviour. She enhanced his life, gave it meaning and a purpose, and her unbound faith in the Blur made him want to be selfless. Unfortunately, she was the price he had to pay to do it.
Knowing all that he was going to lose made leaving her all the harder, and all the more essential. He had to do his training; it wasn't something he couldn't continue to shuck off until the time was suitable for him; it would never be suitable. He'd already put it off for years with one paltry excuse after another, and now his time had run out.
If he didn't leave now, he never would. If he decided to forget about the training, and stay to set up house with Lois, he knew that she wouldn't thank him for it if he told her what he'd done. Duty and honour were ingrained in her, they came before love, before want, and her disappointment in him would eventually tear them apart. He didn't want to lose her, but if he stayed then he'd lose her anyway.
Apart from that, he wanted to do the training for two reasons. The first was so that he could learn how to utilise his powers in the most constructive way to help others. The second was so that once it was done, he could return to take up his life, and never have to leave again.
Being the Blur had given him some idea of his responsibilities and duty to the human race, and it also gave him the knowledge of what he wanted in exchange.
As the Blur he speedily zipped in and saved people then just as quickly zipped away again so that no one saw him. However, when his training was over he wanted to return to civilisation and once again take up his duties, but without the necessity of hiding in the shadows. He wanted to come out of the dark and into the light. He wanted a life unified but separate from the Blur; so that he could help openly when required, but still retain his anonymity as Clark Kent. And he wanted to do it without the necessity of wearing a mask, or covering his face in any way.
He had powers and abilities far above ordinary man, and it was for that very reason he wanted to keep his face open to scrutiny. He didn't want people to be afraid of him, to wonder if the masked man who was helping would one day turn on them with his abilities, while safely keeping his identity hidden. But unless his training took a hundred years or more, until everyone who'd been familiar with his face was long dead by the time he returned, his only recourse was to ensure that people wouldn't recognise him; and the only way to do that, was by using the legion ring and going back in time to when he was a boy, and then leaving Smallville. He knew that by doing so he would effectively be wiping out all the years, and everything he'd accomplished, but it was the only way he could acquire the security of anonymity.
When he had to pick a time in his past to go back to, he chose the day after his father's funeral. He didn't want to leave before then because he wanted to be around as long as his dad had been alive. He didn't even consider trying to go back to save his father, the last time he'd tried to make things better by messing around with time, he'd only managed to make things worse. But as he was already losing Lois, he didn't want to lose any of the time he'd spent with his dad before he passed away.
So in the end it turned out that not telling Lois was the right decision; if he'd done so he would now be taking it all back from her again. As he didn't have the luxury of picking and choosing who'd remember and who wouldn't, it had to be a clean sweep, the past few years of his life wiped out as if it never happened. His face was familiar to scores of people; he could probably fool some but not all, so he had to do it.
It seemed that everything was coming full circle, just as he'd decided to leave; Lex Luthor chose to reappear in Metropolis as if he'd never left. He'd thought the man was dead so he was safe, but now knew that he'd been wrong. The pleased smiles Lex had thrown at him at the news conference to tell the world he was back and taking up the reins at LuthorCorp once again, told him that it was only a matter of time before all out war was declared. He had no doubt that Lex had only come out of hiding when he was ready to do so, which spelt trouble. Lex knew about him, which meant that he had plans and Clark Kent was going to be a major player in those plans.
Two days later he arrived home after being out on Blur duty when his phone rang. That Lex was back was big news, that he hadn't heard from Lana was worrying. He'd left her messages, had tried to find her all without success. When he picked up the phone he found out why.
"Hello."
"Well hello Clark, it's your old friend Lex."
"What'd you want?"
"I just thought you'd like the scoop on a story."
All his senses went on alert; whatever Lex had to say wasn't going to be good. He wanted to put the phone down but knew that would be beyond foolish "What story."
"Well it was something about a girl who was in Africa. Apparently she was a tourist over there and died quite horrifically about a week ago. It's quite awful when you think of the things that can happen to a person in a country that's run amuck with wild animals."
He felt his gut twist in fear because he knew exactly who Lex was talking about "What girl?"
"You're the reporter, you find out. But I'll give you a little hint; I believe you should look in the region of Gabon, in the area of a little place called Oyem."
He did, and it didn't take him long to find Lana's body. Super powers hadn't helped her in the slightest. He received Lex's message loud and clear; you're next. When he came back, he went straight to Lex's apartment, but had no sooner been shown into the office when he was knocked to the floor by Kryptonite.
"I guess that I do have a sixth sense after all, but instead of seeing dead people, I just knew that Clark Kent would be knocking on my door poste haste." Lex smirked then swept out his hand "Do you like the little green paperweight on my desk? I had it crafted specially into the shape of a phoenix. Y'know the mythical bird who rises from the ashes; I like to think that I take after it. And it is prettier than just having a rock sitting on my desk, that would just ruin the whole ambiance of my office don't you think?"
"You must have known Lana had powers; there was no way you could have taken her unawares." He gritted both in fury and pain.
"Of course." Lex replied readily "Did you really think that I wouldn't keep an eye on my two favourite people; that I wouldn't make it my business to know everything about them, and more importantly just what it would take to neutralise them." Lex plucked a cigar from the box on his desk, lit it and then shook his head slowly "You underestimate me Clark, but then you always did. Poor Lana, to her infinite regret, she underestimated me too." He smiled but his eyes stayed cold "I already knew what your Achilles heel was, you know that by the little gift I left the two of you a couple of years ago. So once I found out about Lana's powers, well it was really just a matter of finding out what her weakness was, and then using it so that I could take care of her."
He clenched his jaw but refused to speak and soon found he didn't need to say anything when Lex continued.
"How many times did you pathetically beg Lana to take you back Clark; beg her not to leave you, beg her to love you, beg her for anything really?" When he didn't answer, Lex came over, crouched down and spoke softly "I'm guessing that you never heard her pleading with you for anything. Well guess what; she begged me." His lips lifted at the corners and his voice became softer "She begged for her life until she had no more voice to beg anymore."
"You bastard." Clark croaked out. God he hated to think of how scared she must have been.
"Now, now, now; you don't want to upset me." He taunted lightly.
Clark tried to reach out but ended by screaming in pain.
"Oh did I forget to tell you, I had a ring made too." Lex waved his hand in Clark's face causing him to curl up in agony "Yes it is quite beautiful, but it's not an emerald so I don't know why you'd gasp in pleasure at the sight. However, it does make a statement don't you think?"
When he didn't respond, Lex shrugged "Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh that's right; you shouldn't worry about Lana, her times over and she's done. You should start worrying about yourself." Standing up again, Lex strolled back to his desk and sat "The plans I have for you aren't quite in the same line, but they should make things interesting. Your time is coming Clark, and all the powers in the world won't help you, anymore than they helped the little tramp that I've already disposed off."
His head tilted slightly and his voice became mocking "Do you know how I lured Lana out there? It was really very easy. I called her through a voice synthesiser so she thought I was you. Then it was a simple matter of giving her a weepy little spiel about how much I missed her, and blah, blah, blah. You should have heard her almost squeal in joy when I gave her the glorious news that I'd spent every spare moment looking for a solution to our little problem so that we could be together again, and finally found it. In Africa of all places....." Lex let out a shout of laughter "....my god she was as stupid bitch."
Clark's jaw clenched tighter but he refused to comment.
Lex shook his head in sorrow "And she came running, the same way you went running to find her when I called you. The two of you are so predictable, that it's really quite sad and pitiful."
He dragged himself to the far side of the room, then used the wall to get to his feet before looking at the man he used to call friend "You couldn't take us down in a fair fight, so you had to find a way to get rid of the powers first; it's the only way you could have killed her."
"A fair fight; well correct me if I'm wrong but on two separate occasions you and Lana did try to kill me, and I'm guessing you both had powers at the time. In which case I'd say that we're all dirty fighters wouldn't you?" Lex asked conversationally, before sitting back and stretching lazily "However, take away the powers, and you're nothing; neither was Lana. But I don't need super-powers to defeat you Clark, just guile and I have plenty of that; I guess you could say that I have a super-abundance of that." He grinned big and wide then shook his head lightly in reproof "You and Lana picked the wrong person to play your infantile games with. Obviously you were under the mistaken impression that just like all the other people the two of you had crapped all over, that I too would just shrug my shoulders, say all is forgiven or run away like a whipped dog. That however, was your mistake, not mine. I don't forget anything, much less betrayal Clark. Lana learnt that lesson the hard way, and you will too."
"We..."
"Whatever you're going to say, don't!" Lex cut in with a heavy sigh "I'll tell you right now that my tolerance level for listening to you pontificate, and Lana moan has dropped significantly since our last meeting. So don't waste time playing the injured innocent because it bores me. Lana also found that out very quickly, so I suggest you follow her example and spare yourself the effort."
He grasped the door handle and began to open the door, when Lex called out casually "By the way, how's the Blurry business going for you?"
He swung around to find Lex's eyebrows arched high "I..."
"I find it fascinating that you rush around helping people but never let them see who you are. I suppose it's understandable, after all you know what people are like. They might be thankful now, but how grateful will they be when they discover there's an alien freak living among them. Maybe you just need the right PR to break the news, I'll think on how it should be handled, and get back to you." Lex informed him cheerfully "Oh and by the way Clark, my little phoenix and the ring is only part of a vast collection, so you might want to keep that in mind for future reference."
He left without replying, and knew it was only a matter of time before Lex made good on his threats. The man had no reason to safeguard Clark Kent's privacy, so his plans were either to keep the knowledge of what he knew to himself, and use it for his own benefit or expose his secret to the world. If he chose the first option then after his usefulness ran out, Lex would kill him. If he chose the second, then Lex wouldn't just expose his secret, he'd also spill the beans about Kryptonite, and directly afterwards every criminal would be heading to Smallville to dig the stuff up.
He didn't tell anyone about Lana or his conversation with Lex. Since he was leaving anyway, he saw no point in getting everyone worked up for nothing, but it wasn't easy pretending that all was in hand when they called to ask how he was handling Lex being back.
Lex was evil there was no doubt about that, but Clark also knew the man was right. He and Lana had betrayed him, had tried to kill him and Lex wasn't the forgiving kind. It didn't help that they'd kept up the accusations both privately and publicly of Lex's duplicity, while continuing to paint him as the only villain of the piece. Once upon a time he'd been so self deluded that he believed Lex was the only bad guy in the equation, but no more. Clark was well aware that he and Lana had caused plenty of damage both during and after her marriage, to give Lex ample reasons for wanting revenge on them. It was a hard truth to face, but easier than having to accept an even worse truth. Lex hadn't been an innocent in that whole sorry mess, anymore than they had been. But just as he and Lana had only been interested in their side of the story; Lex was likewise only interested in his. Just as they had taken on the role of victim in their heads, Lex saw himself as the victim too. None of them had been victims, they were all guilty. But where he and Lana had lived without condemnation, Lex hadn't; and now he wanted payback.
Clark had seen it in the man's eyes, heard it in his voice, and Lana was all the proof he needed. Lex was going to get payback if he had to die in the attempt. He was under no illusions that if Lex had the ammunition, he wouldn't hesitate to point the gun and pull the trigger, taking out innocents Clark loved, in a bid to taking him down; and Lex had all the ammunition he needed. The man could toy with his life for years, playing games about whether to kill him slowly or quickly with Kryptonite, or control him through those he loved; either way Lex would win. If he was dead then Lex would have free reign to do as he wanted, if he stayed he'd be under Lex's thumb.
It humbled him to know that he'd brought this on himself. All his life he'd openly talked about right and wrong, but hadn't lived up to his own preaching. He knew very well that when it came to Lana he'd done plenty of wrong to hold onto her. He'd thrown his values and principles out the window when they clashed with his desires, or her ethics. He'd coveted normality so badly that he'd hurt people just to hold onto Lana in order to get it. And although Lex was only one of those people, he was the one to be feared.
So going back and undoing everything was no longer a choice for anonymity's sake, it was now his only option. Back then Lex didn't have any reason to actively despise him, they were on the outs but the hostility between them wasn't full blown. That wasn't true in the present time, the enmity that existed would only conclude with one of their deaths. The world might be a better place without Lex, but killing him wasn't something that Clark was prepared to do. However, he knew that Lex wouldn't be so generous towards him. But it was the people that Lex would kill to get to him, and the power Lex could wield without opposition after disposing of him that was the real fear.
His period of grace was fast running out. Lex had warned him a week ago that his time was coming, and he wouldn't be content to hold off forever. Lex would act soon, so he had to leave now. He'd been planning to go after Lois' birthday in three weeks time, but could no longer afford to wait that long. Still he wanted one last weekend with Lois when they didn't have work, and deadlines, and bosses yelling at them; just two days when they could have fun together without work cutting in on their time. The days leading up to his departure were hard and he was miserable. But when Lois looked at him questioningly, asked him what was up, he realised that his mood was bringing hers down, and as the coming weekend was their last, resolved to stop.
He didn't want Lois to spend their last few days together worried that he was unhappy with their relationship, or uncertain of his feelings. So he locked away everything, and played the part for her; ensuring they had a good time, with no mournful asides.
On the Sunday night, he pressed his lips to the top of her head, hugged her tight then let go and took a step back. She smiled, reached up to peck his cheek and opened her apartment door, reminding him that she'd be by to pick him up in the morning for work, with the cheeky admonition not to keep her waiting.
The smile on her face, the sparkle in her eyes was nearly his undoing. He watched silently as she stepped into the apartment, and began to close the door.
"LOIS!"
She swung around so quickly, he had to grab hold to steady her.
"What! What is it! What's wrong?" Her head swivelled back and forth, her hand was pressed against her heat, but at his silence she growled slowly "Clark, did you want something, or were you just trying to give me a heart attack?"
This was it. He wanted to say something monumental, but couldn't think of anything. His mind was blank, and his throat blocked.
Shrugging uncomfortably, he sent her a weak smile "Good night."
"That's what you wanted to say?"
He swallowed hard and nodded "Yeah."
Her eyes rolled heavenward "Good grief, you yelled my name so loudly I thought there was an axe murderer behind me."
"Hum."
"Is 'hum' code word for something?" She asked politely, but her lips twitched in betrayal.
He nodded uncomfortably "I love you."
She giggled lightly, and she shook her head "You'll never stop being a weirdo Clark Kent." At her words, he felt his smile grow. Stepping forward, she pecked his cheek once more "I love you too; good night." And closing the door she was gone.
That night he stood outside Lois' apartment for hours just watching her sleep. In the early hours of the morning, he wished her a silent goodbye, and promised that he would come back to her one day. Then he sped home, grabbed the bag he'd already packed, used the legion ring to go back in time, and then left Smallville to do his training.
It took 10 years; ten long years for him to learn everything Jor-el had to teach him, and then he came back to the world he'd left behind.
He applied for a job at the Daily Planet, and became Clark Kent Journalist. When Lois first saw him she didn't even recognise him, and he had to nudge her a little before the penny dropped. Even though he knew what to expect, coming face to face with her again, but seeing no recollection in her eyes of their past romantic relationship hurt. It was safer for him, but it hurt like hell.
The same day he joined the Planet, he also made his first appearance in his new persona, and once again Lois fell for him. But instead of calling him the Blur, this time she named him Superman.
Being away from Lois for 10 years had been unbearable. He'd managed to push her out of his mind and focus on his training, but when he slept she was there in his dreams. Even though it was his decision to wipe out their past, coming back and seeing nothing in her eyes but faint memories of a boy she tolerated many years ago, and indifference to a work colleague that she didn't want, who she felt had been foisted onto her, was a bitter pill to swallow.
Opening his eyes, he looked around his apartment and smiled sadly. The only Clark Kent people now remembered was the boy who'd left Smallville after his father's funeral at 18, and didn't come back until he was 28. He knew that losing Lois' love was the price he had to pay but hadn't comprehended just how hard it was going to be.
In the back of his mind he'd hoped that the spark they'd had before would ignite once again. Well the spark was there alright, but not in the way he'd imagined. For him it was directed at Lois, for her it was all directed at Superman. But at least the situation wasn't all bad there was some good, for which he was thankful.
Once again he went through the mental list he kept in his head, reciting them one by one:
Positive: Lex didn't know he was Superman. Clark Kent was someone he'd known a long time ago, and not someone he cared to know in the present; but neither was he a person that Lex wanted dead. So Lois and anyone else he loved were safe from any vendettas against him.
Negative; last time it had taken years for him and Lois to be on the same page romantically, and that was only after they'd gotten to know each other and became friends.
Positive; this time their friendship was still fairly new, but it was firm and growing stronger ever day.
Positive; their past relationship had given him insight into how Lois' mind worked; how she thought and felt, which was a big tick in his favour.
Positive; although Lana was alive, they didn't have all the baggage of his past relationship with her thrown in their path, since it had mostly been wiped out.
Positive; he knew what he wanted up front, with no hesitation or second guessing involved. So didn't need to waste time with sophisticated war of the sex games while deliberating if he wanted a relationship with Lois or not; he knew that he did.
Negative; Lois was infatuated with Superman, which did his Clark side no favours.
Positive; last time she was infatuated with the Blur, but it was Clark that she'd come to love.
They had more positives on their side than negatives, and he had to keep reminding himself of that with each step backward.
It had taken time, but over the past six months he'd slowly managed to win Lois back as a friend, and now she considered him her best friend; the one she confided her feelings for Superman to. At first it had been exhilarating and exciting, now it was disheartening. Depending on his persona he was treated to two different sides of Lois. As Superman he was on a pedestal; he got the adoration, the fawning and the flattery. As Clark, he had feet of clay like everyone else. He made mistakes, he was clumsy, and awkward; he was her buddy, her pal. One the one hand it was frustrating, on the other it kept him grounded.
But it wasn't easy being the only person who remembered everything now. There were times when he wanted to tell Lois everything, just blurt it all out, but knew that he couldn't no matter how tempting the prospect was. He had to take his time and win her heart all over again.
He'd hoped that tonight's casual invitation for coffee would help him to start breaking down the walls between Clark and Superman in her eyes. If she just gave him a chance he knew that he could get her to see that the man in front of her, the one she worked with and called friend, was also the man she undoubtedly dreamt about.
The last time he hadn't joined Lois for coffee because he'd been too afraid to take that first step forward; but knew that wasn't her excuse for not coming tonight. He just wasn't on her radar as a prospective suitor. He'd now give anything to go back in time and keep their coffee date. All the times he'd let Lois down, swept her aside, or just didn't have time for her haunted him now when he wanted her to notice him, wanted her love.
In the last timeline when Lois went missing for 3 weeks it had felt like an eternity to him, but when he was trapped in her memories of the future, he'd learnt what it felt like to believe that she'd been dead for a year before finding her alive. That experience made him realise that his love for Lois was eternal, and his former feelings for Lana so paltry in comparison. Despite all his pleading for her not to leave, when she did, he'd cried and then got on with his life. However, when Lois was gone he'd never gotten over the loss. He'd felt dead inside the whole time she was missing, and only began to live when he found her again.
When he woke up those memories, those feelings were still inside him. That was the first time he really understood that love wasn't a game, and it gave him the boldness to tell Lois that he didn't want to lose her. He knew then, as he knew now that distance, time, whether she was with him or not made no difference; she was 'the one' and he couldn't do without her.
For now he was her friend, and Superman was her love. But just as he hadn't been content with only half her heart when she was crushing on the Blur, he wouldn't settle for anything less now.
Little did he realise back then that Lois' feelings for the Blur, were only a precursor to those she'd have for Superman now. He was her hero, and she his champion; and Clark Kent was once again waiting in the wings for Lois Lane see past the super-guy to the normal one that loved her.
Well the last time she had come to love him as Clark, and when he'd left he'd promised himself that despite all obstacles, he'd win her love back. So although her love for Superman was nice, it wasn't enough.
He needed her to love him as Clark, and no matter what it took he'd succeeded because failure wasn't an option. Lois Lane would be his, her heart would once again belong to him as surely as his already belonged to her, and this time it would be for keeps.
