A/N: I wrote this out of love. One cannot parody something they have no affection for. Please don't be offened.
Disclaimer: Do not own, blah, blah, blah.
To whom it may concern.
I am writing on behalf of a Mister Sherlock Holmes and his companion Doctor John Watson, in regards to the increasingly violent and disturbing acts that various individuals who frequent this website have performed upon their persons. Over the years many people who attest to be "fans" of these characters have –for lack of a better term- tortured these two gentlemen for their own amusement. The list of atrocities is simply astounding; they have been kidnapped, poisoned, beaten, bludgeoned, lacerated, half-drowned, ignited, buried alive, defenestrated and forced into many other hazardous situations that I cannot even bring myself to describe here. Also it has not escaped the attention of Dr. Watson and Mr. Holmes (what with the former being a medical professional and the later being a consultant detective of some note) that during the rare occasions they are not brought low by the hand of man, they mysteriously fall ill with a life threatening disease that forces them to the brink of death. While admittedly they cannot prove any link to you or your confederates they are adamant in their belief that you are the culprits.
Therefore due to the stress that has been placed on Mr. Holmes and Doctor Watson emotionally, physically and financially (in terms of medical bills and the loss of income through illness) the court has seen fit to place a restraining order on all persons who seek to harm their well-being in any way. Any fan-fiction writers of the hurt/comfort persuasion who come within thirty miles of 221b Baker Street London will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. I also feel the need to inform you than anyone who violates these terms will find little reward for their efforts. Mr. Holmes and Doctor Watson have chosen to leave for the continent this very evening under aliases and have no immediate plans to return to England for some time. They hope that during this interval you will cease that relentless fanaticism that drives you to recklessly pursue and abuse them. I sincerely hope that all of the individuals involved stop to consider the consequences of their actions.
With Regards
Ms L. Lloyd
Ash, Dusk and Slate Solicitors
Est. 1839
