In the dream of a vast evening sky, they stretched their hands out far and wide. Hands, something they never had. Legs, situated firmly in the soft grass. A body, and they could feel. A body could feel in many ways, but they felt those pangs stronger now. No, no, no, this absolutely could not happen. This wasn't happening and, - they awoke from their daydream.
Napstablook sighed forlornly. Every time they listened to music that relaxed them far too much, they fell into that same haze. They had never longed for a physical form until they developed those feelings. It was strange, really ; going from being completely content to wanting change, change, and yet more change. However much they tried to deny and push away their feelings, they lingered, like a fog. He hadn't visited them in a long while, and they presumed it must have been a longing, a pining. Denial never worked for them.
Napstablook slunk down against the wall of their home further. They felt stupid, as stupid as one could feel. Besides, they reasoned with themself, even if they had a body, nobody would notice them any more. Their gloomy routine continued as normal every day, and they never expected a soul to come visit. A somber expression painted the spirit's face, as much as it could deviate from their normal mundane expression. They couldn't say this bothered them naught, much like they could for most everything. It simply wasn't a matter of themself, but of Mettaton as well.
Of course. They avoided even letting his name into their thoughts because they knew they would feel it again, and they twinged their mouth in discomfort. Discomfort they felt, but also embarrassment. To be embarrassed of developing feelings for someone who had so much more to dote on than silly old Napstablook. They never would have mused over having an android body if it wasn't for Mettaton. Over his last few visits, they had observed how attractive a body like that was, combined with a personality like his. Maybe if they had a similar body, people (Mettaton) would like them. There they went with their foolish daydreams again.
They assumed it was a lost cause to hope Mettaton would ever feel anything special for them the way they did for him, and closed their eyes. Nonetheless, they could never forget the feelings. They reflected on the past when Mettaton had spoken to them in a way that made them woozy. Woozy in the best way one could be woozy, for they felt something other than the routine melancholy. They felt important and wanted. It mattered not to them whether he had spoken to others that way - what was the word? It made them feel like the centre of his world, a shining star.
And yet, he hadn't bothered to stop by in what seemed like eons. They pushed the thought from their mind and mentally cursed themself (stupid, stupid, stupid. He's busy and has more important things). They shuffled their music player to something mellowing. They wanted to clear their mind and drift off into nothing once more, to become nothing and be nothing forever. They supposed they already were though, in both physical form and in regards to companionship. They were as content as they could muster about spending all their days in this haze of longing. Longing not for him, but for excitement. Something other than silence.
…As well as him, they finally admitted. They assumed the only way to purge the pointless pining from their mind was to accept it. If they accepted that Mettaton was far too good for them and would never like (love) them that way, they would move on.
Their mind clouded with thoughts of Mettaton's gleaming, flawless form. They pondered over what it was like to be that attractive. They longed to touch him more than just his chaste hugs. They wanted to feel what it was like to be close to another being. Perhaps they could cuddle, as they'd seen on TV. The wraith's face flushed as much as a wraith face could flush. If anyone at all in the wide world could hear their thoughts, they were sincerely sorry. To think such impure things about Mettaton was unforgivable to them. Napstablook knew that the next time they saw him, (if there was one) they wouldn't be able to look him in the eyes. Mettaton's presence was electrifying at its most subdued, and they feared he'd somehow find out about what they had thought of him. Stupid, of course, but their fears were not easily quelled.
Their mind raised the question of whether Mettaton had felt these same feelings for anyone. The mere thought caused their mouth to twinge once more. Even though they were certain they never had a chance with him, they grew jealous at the thought of anyone else having Mettaton. They sighed and closed their eyes once more, losing themself in the music and clearing their mind.
Eventually, Napstablook became restless and could no longer stand the silence. They grew increasingly anxious at the thought of Mettaton being apart from them, and felt their heart begin to sink. Of course he wouldn't want to spend time with a grey cloud like them. Others offered far more engaging times to be had. The only things they had to offer were their home, their music, and what little of a presence they had for company. All they did was lie on the floor and care for snails, so what would anyone gain from being around them? The times the human spent with them, Napstablook feared they were bored straight out of their mind. In fact, Napstablook wagered Mettaton would rather spend time with the human than them. Really, anything was better than them. For certain.
Or so they were convinced.
Many uneventful days later that they hadn't kept track of, Napstablook found a note at their door. They wondered who even remembered their existence. The first thing they noticed was the large word at the beginning - Blooky. That was them, and they knew who that nickname had been penned by. They swallowed as thick as a ghost could, trying to contain their nerves. They were excited in their own sense, yes, but they had already had trouble keeping their thoughts in line. They read over the note repeatedly, in sheer disbelief. Dear Mettaton hadn't forgotten about them. Tears welled in their eyes as they read the date and time he planned to arrive once more. Finally, something good was happening. Something to break the monotony, and something they had longed for.
Their temporary relief from sadness faded as suddenly as it had come, for they remembered the bigger dilemma at hand. Those feelings would surely resurface all over, and stronger in Mettaton's presence. They feared for making things awkward. Their watery tears fell heavily as they closed their eyes. They now dreaded the date - no, not a date - well, yes, a date, and - they shook their body wildly. If they didn't get their act together soon, they would really mess things up.
Suddenly, a fleeting idea passed their mind. The same idea they had been having now called to them. If they got a body, surely, that would surprise Mettaton, and at least make him think about them. They could pass their certain awkwardness off as just not being used to their new body yet, and it was all perfect. Slowly the pieces of their idea came together in a way they hadn't before, and Napstablook's tears subsided. It would be a journey they were unsure of taking, of course, but they were willing to, if not for themself, then for Mettaton's happiness. They cursed their stupid selflessness and wished for just a moment they could do something for themself.
As Napstablook made their way away from home, they realised that maybe, just maybe, this was for them as well.
