Author's Note: This is the memoirs of Lawrence Alamain. I don't own Days of our Lives or any of the characters. This is for entertainment only.

Letter Number 1

My dearest Katerina,

For all of my life and for the rest of my days, I will remember you, although I am sure you would choose to forget me. I hope as my letters arrive at your door, you will realize that I am not the enemy. I was the man who loved you. I was the first in your heart... and I will never forget you. You are burned in my memory for all of eternity, a flame which is as bright as the love that was once ours.

Where does a man start when he bears his heart and soul to the woman he loves? Shall I go back to the beginning; my childhood and all of it's many heartaches? I was born on March 12, 1960 to Leopold and Philomenia Alamain. When I took my first breath, I became the heir to the Alamain fortune. Upon my birth, my father had a tree planted in the garden of the estate in my honor of his first-born son and my mother hired a nanny to come care for me as she was far too delicate. My early years were rather uneventful, growing up in the nursery and being attended by countless nannies and tutors, until the day that HE came into our lives.

They had named him Forest, and my love for him became my very existence. My parents were always away on business as they were traveling the world. They hadn't the time to trouble themselves with small children. Although they were always absent, he was always there. He was my infant brother, and I adored him with my very soul.

He was such a bright light in the lives of all he touched. His laughter filled up the rooms in the castle-like fortress in which I grew up. I needed him with all my heart, because from infancy my parents had practically abandoned me. They were never there, so without Forest, I would have been totally alone, and my world would have become a cold, dark casket.

Life isn't fair and as you know, I lost my brother. He was only a child of two. The nanny stepped out of the room for just a few minutes, and when she returned, she found Forest had drowned in the swimming pool. For what seemed like an eternity, I was left in the pool with the body. He was floating face-down on the water as I reached out to touch his arm.

"Forest!" I called out, but I didn't know how to save him. He was lost to me. In the space of just an hour, my whole world came crashing down.

The nannies and servants came running, finding my baby brother had drowned. There were screams and shouts, then the blaming began. Aunt Vivian appeared as if from out of no where as they lay Forest's cold, stiff body at the edge of the pool.

"Lawrence did it," she accused. "He was jealous of the baby. He held his head under the water."

I cried and shook my head, but no one seemed to believe me. They looked at me like I was some monster, an vile, evil creature who would kill his own little brother.

"I didn't do it," I sobbed, but no one would listen.

When mother came home, they told her that her baby was dead, and she became hysterical. "Not Forest. No, not Forest! Not my baby!" she sobbed as she fell upon the stone floor in anguish.

"I loved him most!" I heard her utter.

Hearing my mother's cries, I knew Forest should have been spared. Mother loved him most, and everyone was blaming me. I wanted to go back in time and make it so I was the one floating on the water. I wanted Forest to live, because he was perfect, and I was nothing but unworthy.

As the weeks passed, my mother's condition deteriorated until she eventually lost her mind. She was no longer the mother I once knew and servants had to tend to her constantly. My father became despondent, and our world was cold and empty. My brother had been the light in my dark existence and without him, I too began to crumble. Those days are hazy to me now as I became so distraught that a doctor had to come to the estate and give me medication.

My parents wanted me to forget Forest and his death. They wanted to wipe away the memory of his loss so we'd all forget the heartache. The drugs they administered did strange things to my psyche. I had blackouts and when I'd awaken, Aunt Vivian would tell me the awful things I had done.

"You drowned your mother's cat in the well."

"You destroyed the roses in the garden."

"You pushed a servant down on the stones and caused her to break her leg."

Always it was something horrid I had done to make me fear my parents would no longer love me. Who could love me? I was such a disgusting beast! Would I ever find happiness and love again after losing Forest?

It would be many years until I met you. I would be a man then; a man of twenty-five. But in the quiet stillness, that one sweet moment my eyes met yours, I knew I had found it again. I had found love.

Always yours,
Lawrence James Alamain