A lone hooded figure stood in the middle of a city, rain pouring down around him. It was nighttime, but when the city sleeps, he awakes. Not a soul could be seen, but in the distance the roar of a speeding vehicle could be heard. The figure turned towards the sound, only his smile visible. Suddenly, he reached his bare hands into the pockets of his hoodie, digging deeper than what could be perceived possible. Even stranger so, when he pulled his hands back out they were encased in bright red gloves. Glasses fell from his face, snapping in half as they hit the concrete.

At that moment, the vehicle arrived. A pink hummer like vehicle skidded to a halt in front of the figure, it's occupants jumping out of it.

Two females brandished weapons at the strange figure, one wielding katanas, the other wielding a pistol.

"You son of a bitch!" One yelled.

"You fucking asshole!" The other screamed.

"Oh come on now..."The figure chuckled, his broken glasses melting into a strange liquid. "We all know that's YOUR thing."

They both gritted their teeth and rushed the man, who dodged all their attacks with unnatural speed.

The more he dodged their attacks, the angrier they got.

"O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness..."They growled as their attacks became more reckless, " O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth. May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy delicate maidens-"They were both interrupted by the mans fists flying into both of their stomachs at the same time. The duo stumbled back, literally turning red from rage.

With a roar, they both leaped at the man, screaming "REPENT MOTHERFUCKER!"


Daten City, a paradise with a catch. A place where all you want to achieve in life is ripe for the taking, as long as you put forth the effort. But watch yourself, because even though you think your future is set, one second is all it needs to change your life...or take it. While it seems like a gateway to heaven, hell is seeping through the cracks.

But luckily it is protected from such evils, by two holy angels unwillingly putting everything on the life to save this town. Kinda.

Alright fuck it the city's cool but it's got a bunch of ghosts N shit kay? And two of the most unholy fucking angels the world has ever seen fights the fucking ghosts so they can get back into heaven. They don't care about you, they just care about themselves!

Then they left, they fucking left the city for us all to defend for ourselves. And you know what? We were FINE.

THE GHOSTS DIDN'T WANT TO FUCK SHIT UP ANYWAYS

but it's okay

BECAUSE THE ANGELS GOT KICKED OUT AGAIN.

Like how the literal FUCK, do you fuck up that bad? Why do they keep letting them back in? Why aren't they learning from their mistakes? AND WHY PUNISH ME?!

Okay okay...I gotta explain some shit...let me start over.

Hi audience! My names Boxer. Boxer Rock. And apparently, I'm the ticket for two shitty fucking angels to get back into heaven.

Why, you ask?

Can I explain first?

Shit.

Fuckin asshole.

It all started when I was walking home from school one day...


The day was like any other. Wake up, get dressed, go to school. I don't have too many friends, mainly because for some strange reason they think I'm an asshole. And a bad influence. I think it's because I'm eighteen and I drink, or something about being a pessimist but I have no idea what they're talking about. I just realize life's shitty man. Like it's just learn, work, die.

...Alright maybe I'm a little negative but on the bright side I always have a flask to get me going through the day. I got pretty good at hiding it on me, though at the time I thought that whatever I was drinking was going bad. Mainly because I kept seeing a strange black man out the corner of my eye. Never got a good glimpse of him, not until later at least.

It was the end of the school day, and I had just taken a huge dump. Washing my hands in the sink, I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Real ladies man I was. In my dreams. I rocked a dark red faux hawk, strangely enough without gel. It honestly just kinda...stays that way. I don't really question it anymore. Anyways, I wore black, thick rimmed prescription glasses. It happens when you're blind as a bat but not nearly as cool. Five o' clock shadow, usually wearing a hoodie and jeans, all the normal outcast bullshit.

The only thing that everyone can agree is strange about me though is my birthmark. Just a perfect rectangle at the base of my throat. I never really paid much attention to it, but everyone definitely thought I was weird. Especially since I've been staring at myself in the mirror for a good long time while they were waiting to use the sink.

"Hey, move it man!" I heard behind me. "My finger broke through the paper so unless you want a brown sme-"

"Eugh! Fucking gross!" I retreated from the sink, raising my eyebrow at the teen, who smirked triumphantly as if he just won a gold medal for being disgusting. God I hate people. I sighed and made my way out of the school, my hands buried in my pockets. In the distance I heard the roar of an engine.

People usually left me alone, but there's one person who annoys me to no end. My cousin, Brief. Luckily enough he's been hanging around the infamous Anarchy sisters. True to their name, they were sisters who excelled in being the worst fucking people on the planet.

Unluckily for me, I was their new target. I learned this when the pur of an engine sped right by me-with an arm suddenly grabbing me and taking me with it. I was thrown facefirst into somebodies lap while I heard Briefs stupid voice from right beside me, "HI COUSIN!"

Groaning, I raised my head from the unknown persons crotch, only to see the giant black man I mentioned earlier. He stared down at me almost hungrily, and I COULD HAVE SWORE HE SAID "...You don't even have to buy me dinner."

"Wh-what?!" Naturally I backed the hell away from him, unknowingly squishing my cousin against the car door. It took me a few moments to register the gurgles of pain were his, and I shifted over, sitting between the two. I could see two females sitting up front, one being a goth and the other looking like a stereotypical white porn actress. I sighed as I realized they were the Anarchy sisters.

"I said..."The large black man spoke directly in my ear, making me freeze immediately. God he was creeping me out! "YOU! Boxer Rock, are the key!...To getting these damned angels out of my hair!"

"Sup." I heard the goth up front say.

"Yo dick cheese." The blonde smirked.

"I'm sure you've heard of Panty and Stocking-"

"I bet the little shit watches my videos daily." Panty grinned.

"Yeah he definitely looks depraved and desperate." Stocking nodded.

"SHUT UP!" The big black man shouted at them, before turning back to me. "Listen, their new mission is to take care of YOU."

"FUCKING WHY?!" I yelled back. Not only did I not like people, but if you didn't catch the subtle hints in the prologue, I don't exactly care for these angels.

"Hey, feel privileged dickwad!" Panty glanced back at me, "Most people have to pay or get lucky to spend even five minutes with me!"

"Cmon Boxer, it'll be fun! Like an adventure!" Brief smiled warmly at me. Fuck I hated him.

"Oh what the fuck ever!"I rolled my eyes, my voice laced with venom. "Why the hell is this...Uh..."

"Garterbelt." He answered. "And THIS, is because-"

"Hold on." I reached inside my hoodie and took out a flask. Brief's eyes widened and his jaw dropped as everyone watched me down the entire flask in seconds. Feeling the burning and tolerance for stupidity building, I let out a loud burp and mumbled "...Continue."

"...BECAUSE OF SHIT LIKE THAT!" He shouted. "YOU, Boxer, are an unusual human!"

"...Cuz?" I used Brief's head as an armrest and I listened.

"You have no goals!"

...well...

"You have no life!"

...hey...

"NO AMBITIONS!"

...He's not wrong.

"But THAT'S not the weirdest part. Up there in heaven, they realized you don't act like a normal human being. Turns out there's no record for your creation."

Okay that sounds a little strange, "...Wait what?!"

"Every humans life is decided by fate. But when we questioned Fate about you, she had NO DAMN CLUE who you were! You don't even have no guardian angel!"

Okay, this sounds bad. Like I'm about to be the main character in a shitty story.

"Turns out, you ain't supposed to exist!" Shit man, just throwing the insults huh?

"...But I d-"

"SHUT UP!" He yelled at me. Then he continued speaking in a normal voice, "But you do! And it turns out that you are literally the only human with free choice! That shit means your spirit is fully flexible!"

At that moment, the car hit a bump. As I wasn't wearing a seatbelt like some fucking geekboy, I almost flew out of the car. Fortunately, Garterbelt caught me by the collar and held his face close to mine. He didn't lower his volume though. "YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO LITERALLY DO ANYTHING! AND YOU DON'T DO A GOD DAMN THING! When you DIE, your spirit is going to be unleashed!" One hand let go of me to point at the two angels, who weren't phased at all by the commotion. "These two hoes, have been tasked with guiding you to become a good soul. They will accompany you from now on! Your literal guardian angels!"

"...gimme one sec." That was a lot to digest. Thankfully I had something else to digest as I reached for another flask. Panty swerved the car and the flask flew out of my hand.

"Sorry jack off, but no more drinks."

Alright, I was done. Flipping them all the bird, I jumped out of the car.

...

...

...

Garterbelt caught me by the ankle though.

"Hell nah, you getting these bitches out of my LIFE!"