Damaged Hearts
Chapter 1- Memories of You and I
-I-
Here I am…lying down and looking at the ceiling. I remember when I used to do this with her back then. We used to look at the ceiling and pretend we were outside under that astounding night sky, looking up at the moon and stars. I miss those days when everything just felt so right.
Our wedding, how could I forget about that? I will never forget that day. She was so beautiful in her white gown. For a moment, she looked like someone else, but then I realized that no one could look as wonderful as she did.
Everyone wished us our best and hoped we would have a happy life. We were happy, too happy. I had finally done something right in all my stupid life, finally.
But words can hurt…and I'll never forget what that pig of a father told me the night before our wedding.
"…Squall, are you sure this is the right thing to do? You just turned eighteen. Don't you think you need sometime alone? You two are too young to be married."
Back then, I had brushed it off and thought nothing of his words. But two years after our wedding, those words began to haunt me. Everyday I would routinely wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, and eat. Sometimes, it felt like we even had our kisses on a schedule as well. I started to not enjoy that life at all.
The more I fantasized about the outside world, the more I began to wish I were there. As time progressed, my life with Rinoa grew dull. It got to the point where I didn't even say good morning to her; I would get up and go.
And I left.
But I can't blame her…no way can I blame, Rinoa. It was never her fault to begin with. She was not the reason I left, and I wanted her to understand that. I left because I wanted to see the life I was supposedly missing out on. All the wonderful things in life that I had supposedly lost to the married life, according to my father, I had to see it for myself.
No more of her nagging, and no more of our predictable days together; I was ready to give it up for something fresh.
I kissed her cheek and silently said my goodbyes; I will only be gone for a short while. Yeah, right. I had completely lied to myself that night. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months…and months into years: four years. I had lost myself in that new world, and no matter how many times I tried I could not bring myself to go home to her again.
I know Rinoa, I knew her just how I thought I knew myself. She would forgive me. No matter what I did, Rinoa forgave me, and I was careful not to do anything stupid that would hurt or upset her. So I know she'll forgive me.
But, I didn't want to go back to her the way I was. I was filthy. That's when my life rushed passed me, and more doubt began to cling to my chest. I drowned myself in alcohol whenever I thought about her.
Then one day, I hated that life too.
…I have to get back to her now. Before I lose myself again, I have to see Rinoa's face. I miss her terribly, but what will she say? She'll forgive me, right? She has to…
So here I am…standing outside of our house. I walked all the way here. I can see that the lights are on and she's probably made dinner. It's just like Rinoa to make dinner so early in the day. She always liked to enjoy dessert on a stomach that wasn't stuffed with food from supper only seconds before. She was so predictable.
It looks like she's left a curtain open, so I guess I'll take a peak. I want to see if she's changed, if she's happy. I see the dinner table, food, that's a lot of food for only her. And…Rinoa…there she is, setting the tables with plates. Oh God is she beautiful, more beautiful than she was when I left. Her hair has gotten longer, and her body is more round and full…it suits her real well. She's smiling now. Rinoa…I miss that smile, I miss you so much.
Before I can see anything more, someone else closes the curtain, but I couldn't tell who or what it was. …Who was that?
-You-
Fouryears have passed since he went away. I wonder where he could be? Not a day goes by that I don't blame myself for his departure.
…No, it isn't my fault. I didn't do anything wrong.
He left me in the night. I thought he had gotten up to use the bathroom, but a lot of time had passed and he still hadn't returned. The way he kissed my cheek that night…it was so tender, and it didn't feel like the other times.
In a way, I knew something would happen, but I didn't want to believe myself.
That man, Squall, had been the best thing to ever happen to me. When I met him seven years ago, he never even talked to me. However, as time went on, he grew more and more attached to me. We fell in love, and decided to get married.
I was so happy, and I had never been more satisfied than when I was with Squall. I loved him, and I did my wifely duties… I just don't understand what I did that was so wrong. Why did he leave me? I have been nothing but good to him, and I gave him space when he needed it. I just don't understand why.
I had finally stopped asking myself why…and began to focus on my life. I needed to do something for myself for a change because I don't ever recall him doing anything for me. There is nothing that he's done that was right.
"Mommy! Look at my picture!" Except for my little angel. She's our daughter…I guess Squall did do something right. She's the only person who has kept me sane these last two years. "It's me an' you!" She's so excited…and those eyes…they're his eyes, even her hair is almost as brown as his. Truthfully, she looks more like both of us. I better look at the picture before the poor child gets her feelings hurt.
"Rori, that's a very pretty picture! I'll hang it on the refrigerator, okay?"
"Thanks, mommy!" Because her speech is so well for someone as young as herself, Rori has been complimented often. People just love to hear her talk, and she loves the attention. I'm so proud of her.
"Ma, look at this one. This is for you." I took the picture and to my surprise, it looks like a male.
"Who's this?" I asked and she giggled against her hand.
Rori whispered in her little baby voice. "Seifa." I smiled because I now know who the male is supposed to be.
Yes, I have begun dating again…well, not by choice. Seifer's a real nice man and he's so good with Rori. She loves having him around, and I'm glad that she can talk to someone other than me. He seems so natural with her, and the two of them go on hours at a time having fun around the house.
Tonight, he's coming over and we're having dinner. I've been busy all week long trying to get things I would need from the store. I was in the kitchen trying to prepare the food by dinnertime. So far, I'm doing real well. I'm down to one dish and then dessert will be my main focus.
I'm so nervous! This will be the first time I've cook for any man besides…
Forget about Squall, this meal is for Seifer. I hope he likes the meal because I put my heart into preparing it today.
- - - - - - - -
Look at him, playing with Rori again. She's laughing so much. I love to hear her voice.
I set the tables and look at the two of them playing again. I can't help but to smile whenever I see those two together. Oh well, I guess I better get them to the table now. I put my hands on my hips and tilt my head to the side; this always seems to get their attention.
Seifer smirked and got up from the floor. He closed the curtain and pulled back chairs for Rori and me. "Thank you, Seifer."
"Thank you, Seifa!" Rori copied me.
"My pleasure."
And with that, we sat and enjoyed our meal. He seemed to be pleased with my cooking.
Finally, I've done something right. I have a small family, and we're so happy. I never want to see Squall again because he'll just ruin everything for me like he did before.
I never want to see him again.
Once upon an Author's Words:
Hello and allow me to explain…
Both Squall and Rinoa narrate the first 3 chapters, but the chapters following these will be in 3rd person's view. As fun as it is to have Rinoa and Squall's thoughts always open, I like to have control over everyone's mind.
Oh, about Rori—she's three years old and can talk really well. (My niece was talking well at three so I know its possible!) Don't worry, she won't use anything more than eight to ten letters long, haha.
This is a story I'm nervous about…it was written awhile back, but I figured why not post it up? This is my way of relaxing after two action stories in a row. Because I haven't tried my luck at an all out romance, I'll just settle to make things complicated… I couldn't resist not posting it up, so flame me if it's stupid, lol.
Don't worry, I'm working on a few other action romance stories, Stardust Ray isn't finished yet!
Anyway, let me know what you think of it so I can continue, but keep in mind that I'll update once in awhile (I'm terribly busy lately…)
Please leave a review if you're interested. Thank you.
StardustRay
