Notes: This story is yet another example of my sporadic (often strange) flows of inspiration and odd humor. It's not meant to be taken too seriously, meant perhaps to appeal to anyone with crazy neighbors and friends alike.
Disclaimer: The 10th Kingdom and all related characters belong to
its creator Simon Moore and to Hallmark.
Strange Kind of Hunt
By Frozen Phoenix
Step…step…slowly, gently. Don't draw attention, sneak by them unaware…
On a sunshine filled day, in the middle of the hallway within an Upper East Side apartment complex, these scattered thoughts raced within the mind of a not-so-ordinary man. He was crouching, his lean body pressed against the dingy wallpaper closely. It was an uncomfortable position, yet he barely noticed.
It wasn't merely his appearance (quite handsome and perhaps a bit of a rake), his outlandish name (which he found to be normal in comparison to some of the names he had been hearing lately) or even his former place of origin (a parallel dimension famous for its evil witches, handsome princes and troublesome gypsy curses), that set him apart from most of the people in New York.
And even his predatory inclinations (he really was working on curbing those animal urges, Dr. Marian could attest to that) were all but ignored in the hustle and bustle of the city that never slept.
All in all, Wolf should have been the picture of contention. He was with the woman he loved and they were expecting a child on the way. They had a home (thanks to quick thinking and some…persuasion of the wolfish variety); more than enough to eat (mostly due in part to the job Virginia insisted upon keeping, despite Wolf's protests) and even the nights surrounding the full moon were less problematic.
Though Wolf still wondered how it was Virginia had come by the ever-helpful restraints. She seemed adamant to change the subject whenever he happened to mention them.
Yet with so much happiness in his life and despite the oddness surrounding his neighbors, one thing was still amiss. Wolf was being hunted.
It had happened before. Prior to his residency within the charming Snow White Memorial Prison, Wolf had come across humans foolish enough to fancy themselves Wolf-killers. It usually took a little cunning and a good show to convince the would-be hunters that a change in occupation was in order.
But this situation…was different. Wolf wasn't facing hoary men who smelled like they had never heard of bathing or boys who weren't old enough to shave, let alone trying to hunt down a full-grown, half-Wolf. This time, Wolf had pursuers of a different variety. Women.
Some of them Virginia's age, others older and several younger. Their (often) minimal dress reminded Wolf of the Peep shepardesses, as did their delicious-(no)…perky attitudes.
Had he not found the love of his life, Wolf might have been (admittedly, was quite-slightly) flattered. But he was utterly wrapped up in Virginia and had no interest in any other. Yet those who pursued him seemed unable to understand his (too) genial dismissals and even Virginia's cold glares seemed to do little to intimidate them.
And despite Wolf being able to smell them long before their coming, the women had sheer numbers bolstering them. A paranoid part of Wolf's mind had begun to wonder if any of them were part gypsy, as they always seemed to know the exact moments when he was alone when they decided to make their visits.
It was growing ridiculous.
The unexpected "Welcome Wagon" had been odd enough (especially since Virginia and Tony had been living in the building for years), as was the amount of sugar that was asked for in a single day. Then there was the strange fascination with selling cookies…
The sound of a door creeping open interrupted Wolf's dark thoughts, also causing him to tense slightly. His keen senses flared, his heightened vision and smell alerting him instantly to the potential danger. The adrenaline that coursed within Wolf seemed to brush away the stiffness of his body as he slipped into the proverbial "fight or flight" mindset.
Cripes, he thought anxiously. All this trouble over-
The figure in the doorway took one look at him and slammed the door so sharply that numerous objects within her apartment apparently fell to the floor and shattered.
Wolf frowned and released a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. Scratching his brow unconsciously, he straightened to his full height and chuckled lightly. Old Arabella hadn't learned any new manners since the last time she had seen him, of that much Wolf was sure.
But at least she hadn't flung (not even fresh) garlic in his face and screeched about "Nosferatu," as she had weeks ago.
Granted, the poor, (dry), old woman had more than a few cobwebs in her head, but it certainly hadn't been Wolf's idea for her to go sniffing around when he was in the midst of his cycle. After all, those who searched about looking for trouble were usually unlucky enough to find it.
Still…Arabella's utter disdain of him had blossomed into outright fear and Wolf couldn't say that he was happy about it. Virginia had told him to stay away from the old woman (after wryly cautioning him against wooden stakes), and he saw no real reason not to concur. At least Arabella wasn't chasing after him.
Wolf slunk down the hallway carefully, his thoughts once again taking a life of their own.
Things had taken an even more unfortunate turn when he had decided to surprise Virginia at the Grill on the Green. Things had started out well, Virginia had been surprised. Wolf even managed to order a rack of lamb in all its delectable deliciousness.
Things had soured when Virginia had introduced him (as he did his best to charmingly distract her) to her inaccurately named co-worker, Candy. The results had been far from pleasing.
With the woman's slight lack of mental prowess (and his need to rush that historic evening) Wolf had assumed she wouldn't have remembered him or their short rendezvous in back room of the restaurant. Apparently, she did and in great detail.
Throughout her rendition of the event Virginia's stunning face had darkened considerably. Wolf had (barely) resisted the urge to growl at Candy and as a result Virginia had ignored as he followed her throughout the restaurant apologizing all the while.
Wolf winced at the memory. He had easily seen how the creamy love of his life had been hurt, (despite her bland assertions of being "fine,") solely due to him. He had set out immediately afterwards to make things up to her, starting with flowers, breakfast in bed and talking, which had then lead to other activities.
Nearly at his destination, Wolf paused suddenly. Standing in front of the metallic mailboxes scant feet away was (thankfully) not Arabella in the flesh (more so bone, actually), but a small group of women close to her age. Judging by their disagreeable expressions, they probably shared her same unpleasant disposition.
"Huff puff." Wolf muttered in exasperation. "Dealing with those trolls and the Huntsman were bad enough, but a bunch of old ladies with canes really takes the cake."
Scratching his temple once again and sighing irately, Wolf did an abrupt about-face. He then walked quickly (perhaps dashed) back into the hallway and bounded loudly up the stairs. He never would have thought he'd believe it, but obtaining the mail had truly become a dangerous business.
~The End~
