.
I'm walking down the sidewalk on my way to a job. Some CEO of a large company needs an updated portrait and by word of mouth, my name was passed on to him. That's what I was told anyway by the agency that gives me leads on freelance work. That would be nice if it were true, but I know it's not.
Whatever. I'll still get paid for doing the job either way. It's just when I heard the name I was surprised it was him. It doesn't matter. When it comes to my work I'm a professional–– all the way.
But again, I'm just walking down the sidewalk when I see the car. Coincidence? Maybe. Or maybe he is staring at me through those dark tinted windows, determined to force his way into my thoughts for the rest of the day. Or maybe he is reading something, talking on the phone, looking out the other window and he doesn't know he is passing by me at this very moment.
I just don't know with him.
.
.
I'm living with him now. It's an arrangement of convenience. Whether it is his or mine is anybody's guess.
No, I do know. It's convenient for both of us.
Convenient for me because I basically get free rent. Well, actually I do all the housework and the cooking and I even buy all the groceries, but I know I'm getting off easy. It's a great place. Huge! Right in the center of everything. It's SO comfortable here. Always warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Everything in the place works perfectly. Stove, fridge, air conditioner. Even I work perfectly.
Yeah, that's his convenience. I let him have sex with me whenever he wants. It's my obligation for being allowed to live in such a nice place. I've sunk that low. I'd like to say that I don't dwell on it, that this sharing of conveniences that benefits us both makes total sense. Realistically it shouldn't bother me in the least.
But it DOES bother me. If it was just a form of prostitution then I could deal with it. I mean, what is prostitution really? It's a trading of goods. Money exchanged for the temporary pleasure of a warm body. Why is that such a bad thing? As I understand it, it's basic economics.
But I'm not just trading my body. I'm also trading my soul.
I didn't mean to... at first.
It just turned out that way.
.
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I saw him by chance yesterday in the city. Actually, I see him all the time. So much, it makes me wonder if it's a coincidence.
I already mentioned that, didn't I? Well, I'll think about that another time.
Anyway, I notice him because how can you NOT notice him? Everything about him screams "elite" but it's not just that, it's his looks.
No, it's his manner.
No, it's ALL those things and something else. Something that someone needs to invent a new word for. It's something you perceive that falls beyond the five senses.
First I see him. My eyes tell me that it is his form, and that his face is pleasant to look at. And then I feel him, but without actually touching him. It's like a vibration from a sound that's too low for your ears to hear, but you can feel it hum through your whole body.
No, that's too confusing. Let me try to explain it a different way.
I know this old lady who owns a restaurant. She knows him. And she doesn't like him one bit. She won't tell me exactly why she dislikes him, other than to say that she can tell he's deceptive and untrustworthy... and he has a sinister aura.
This makes me laugh because she's NOT WRONG.
But then she told me that one day she found herself in a situation where she was forced to acknowledge and greet him personally. Despite her intense dislike of him, she said he affected her. "He's dangerously charismatic," she told me. She smiled and said since then, she would probably be willing to do just about anything he asked, even if it was illegal. And she would get satisfaction out of complying with his wishes.
But she still dislikes him.
I SO get that.
.
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The other night something weird happened. I have to figure out how to explain it because on the surface it seems like nothing out of the ordinary.
Okay, it's like this. We are, most of the time, not much different than roommates. I do my thing and he does his thing, and a lot of times we don't see much of each other. I make meals and then leave them covered on the table, or in the fridge for him to warm up later. We're out at different times. Sometimes we sleep at different times. During my first week here, I was in my bed asleep one night when he came into my room. He woke me up and before I had a chance to figure out what the hell was going on, he picked me up and carried me to his room. And yeah, we had sex. But it was so intense! Like he was putting every bit of his energy into it. It was definitely memorable!
But I can't let him know that, because I can't let him catch on to my weakness. I bitched and complained about him disturbing me when I was trying to sleep, but the truth was he took my breath away that night.
I told you I trade sex to live comfortably. I admit it. Sometimes it's fun. We have this thing, where he is seducing me and I'm trying to convince him that I'm not interested.
I know I'm not fooling him.
That thing I said about him coming to my room like that? Well, he's done that a couple more times since then. And then in the morning, it's like we're ordinary roommates once again... like it never happened. So I figured that something stressful had happened to him, and he was using me as an outlet to blow off steam.
I know–– payment for my rent.
But back to that strange thing that happened. He was sitting in the living room with a drink in his hand. I came home and did my thing, and then I went in there and asked if I would be disturbing him if I watched a movie on TV. He said he didn't mind, so I curled up on the couch with a blanket and started watching an old horror movie.
I was curious if maybe he was also taking an interest in what I was watching, so I glanced over at him. He wasn't watching TV. He was looking at me.
I asked if he wanted me to get him something to eat or drink but he said no, and then he continued watching me.
The expression on his face seemed like his normal expression, except there was something more to it. Something below the surface.
It was like he was being cautious or wary. No, that's not quite it, but it's the closest I can come to describing it. Whatever it was, it made me curious as hell. I wanted to know what kind of thoughts were going on behind those eyes. I stood up and went over to him and sat on his lap. I NEVER do this, so I expected some kind of mocking or sarcastic response out of him, but he didn't say anything at all. That expression was still a mystery to me. I kissed him just to see what he would do, but he still didn't move or say anything. He just looked at me with that same hard-to-read expression.
I told him I wanted to do it. He let me lead for once and he was remarkably gentle. He held onto me long after we were done, and it was then I realized that despite how different it was from those other nights when he came at me so aggressively, this time was even MORE intense. Somehow, I could feel all his energy and again it was like he was putting all of himself into it, even though I was the one who was doing all the moving.
And so I came to the conclusion. Something happened again. But it was something that affected him more deeply than usual.
I wonder what could have happened to cause him to act so strangely?
I just can't figure him out.
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This time I played around in Akihito's head. There is one more short chapter which I will upload sometime next week. If there's enough interest in Akihito's thought track going beyond a two-shot, I will add more. Please let me know via comments or PM.
