Disclaimer: i own none of these ideas or characters. Stephenie Meyer is the queen of Twilight.

BREAK MY HEART ONCE, SHAME ON YOU.

BREAK IT TWICE… SHAME ON ME


BACKGROUND:

Isabella swan moves to Forks to live with her dad after a series of tragic ordeals. Bella's boyfriend of six months breaks up with her for no reason at all. He simply 'needs to move on'. That same night, he is killed in a street shoot-out on his way from a club. A few weeks later, her mother is abused and brutally murdered by a gang of worthless men on her way home one night. The weight is too much on her. She doesn't trust anybody anymore… except her dad Charlie Swan and she makes herself a promise to never fall in love again.

In forks, Bella meets Edward Cullen, the handsome bronze-haired boy every girl is drooling after. Memories from her past make Bella look the other way and resist any attempt from Edward but in the end, she gives in, thinking Edward could be different. That turns out to be truer than she could ever imagine. Their journey together is not easy, but it's not too bad either. Edward swore to never hurt Bella. She believed him… she trusted him. Despite her past, she gives him her heart. Bella is finally learning to love and trust again until…

CHAPTER ONE

I stared at him for a long while, trying to make sense of what he had told me.

"You don't want me." It wasn't a question but he answered anyway. He pursed his lips into a thin line and gave a minute nod. Other than that, his face was void of any emotion. He didn't want me. I felt a wound start to form in my chest and a lump built in my throat. He didn't want me. That stung more than anything I'd ever heard. The motherfucker didn't want me. My mind was blank. The only thing in my mind at the moment was… what the hell am I going to do? I was independent; I had always been independent but this was too much for me. I leaned on the tree behind me. Everything was slowly turning into a blur. I hoped to God that I wouldn't pass out.

My mind drifted back to when I'd first met Edward.

I'd sat next to him in Biology and his behavior had shocked me. He moved as far away from me as he could and held his hands into tight fists until the end of the period. After that first day, Edward had disappeared for a week, returning a whole new person. He was sweet and polite but I just wouldn't let him into my world. He tried his best to win my heart but I kept pushing him away. The harder I pushed, the more his patience grew. He begged me to give him a chance. After too much fighting, I couldn't hold up anymore. I gave him a chance. Now I could see where that had landed me.

I should have stayed away from him; I had tried. Something within me had told me he wasn't right for me… told me that he was too good to be true… but I was an idiot. I had run happily into his arms and was now facing the consequences of that. He had walked into my life, played with my heart, and was now screwing me over. He had fooled me into thinking he cared… he loved me. I had been blind. I had carelessly let him behind the walls I had carefully built around myself. The walls had been my comfort; my fortress. I had hid behind them for so long and had no problem with it. They protected me. Protected me from myself, protected me from the world, but most of all… protected me from dickheads like Edward-fucking-Cullen who thought he owned everything… including my happiness. My helplessness was quickly turning to anger… fury. I didn't like to lose. The only thing I hated more than losing was feeling like an idiot. At this moment, I had lost… and I was feeling like a total and complete jackass.

I felt my anger building. I could feel it burning within my bones. I was actually waiting to see the smoke or the sparks coming from my nostrils.

"Bella, I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not human…" like hell he wasn't. How in the world could a human do this to a fellow human? Oh, I know! They can't. He was not human and that's why it cost him nothing to stand here and watch my heart crush to pieces. I bit down on my tongue to contain all the insults I had lined up for him. I wasn't ready to talk… not yet. "I've let this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that."

"You're sorry?" I spat. He looked taken aback by my tone. Good fuck-ass. I thought smugly, not all peanut butter and jelly like you were hoping for, huh? What did he expect me to do? Stand here and cry… and beg him not leave? I'd tried that with David and he still left me; after which he got himself killed. The memories of that day were adding more pain to my heart and more anger to my bones.

"I just need to move on." He added with no emotion. I just need to move on. I gripped a tree trunk with my both hands and felt my air ways getting constricted. I could see sparks of red blurring my vision and my head reeled uncontrollably.

I just need to move on. The same exact words David had said when he broke up with me. How dare him! How could he do this to me? I was royally pissed. Scratch that; I was so ready to grab a dead branch and shove it so far up his ass that he would… he would… I couldn't say die because the fucking moron was already a walking dead! Maybe I could just poke him a new asshole.

My thoughts were not making sense to me. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't think straight. I'd never been a foul mouth unless it was necessary and in this case, I was going to be justified.

"How dare you!" I said softly. I wouldn't waste my breath yelling even if that's what I wanted with all my heart. Had I been strong enough, I would have ripped his head off after giving him a few choice words. But since I couldn't, I would save myself the strength, give him a piece of my mind and then take what came after that.

"I'm sorry," his apologies were quickly getting old. "You're not good for me Bella." I tried to take a deep breath because at that point, I was certain I would explode into a million tiny shreds of flesh. I wished he would shut up because the more he talked, the more infuriated I got. I had to do something… anything. If I didn't I would go crazy. I had to get out of here before I made a complete ass out of myself. I was strong. Whatever I was about to do would be easy, but I knew I had to do it. It would probably hurt me more than it hurt him but I couldn't think of any other way.

I mustered all the control I could and looked him straight in the face.

"You're right." I said with a slight smile even though I was feeling like an exploding volcano on the inside. Again, I had given him something he wasn't expecting. I saw a flicker of emotion in his eyes which he quickly suppressed. I had to give it to him. He was good. However, I was ready to save whatever little dignity I had left. Edward could take my heart, my trust, my happiness… he could take all that… but I would lose with honor. I was never one to show my vulnerable side. I'd always been good when it came to masking my pain. He would not see me shed a single tear. I made a solemn vow to myself that I was willing to follow through.

"You're not human" Another flicker of emotion, "you're a monster. You are a motherfucking societal misfit that shouldn't even be allowed to exist." That was low, but I didn't care. I just wanted to cause him as much pain as he was causing me. I knew that hurt him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath, which I'm sure he didn't need. I would lash myself for that later but I had to focus on the matter at hand. "It's such a shame that it took you so long to realize I wasn't good for you." The emotion that showed this time was close to regret, but it vanished before I could be sure. What was he regretting? I was the one hurting here.

"I guess I deserve that." He mumbled.

"And more…" I said coldly.

"Just do me a favor Bella."

Was he insane! Come into my life, blind me with fake love, fuck me up and then ask for a favor?!! I lost the cold smile for a minute and then replaced it and answered.

"What have an affair with the devil? Oh I will. I'm sure he'll be more faithful than you." Ouch! That stung even to say. I hoped it stung him to hear it.

"Just… don't do anything reckless or stupid."

"I'll try not to." I sneered.

"I mean it. Don't worry. You're human," duh! Did I need the vampire that was ripping my heart to shreds reminding me that I was human? I held my tongue on this. The faster I got through it, the better. I sure couldn't hold off the tears forever. "Your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"What about your memories," I scoffed, trying to hide the fact that a small portion in me was still hoping he would smile and go just kidding on me. Well, I'm not sure I'd take that too well but it would be better than living without him. I was mad for admitting that so I shut my mind off and waited for his answer.

"Well, I won't forget but my kind… we're very easily distracted."

I wished I hadn't asked because a mental image of him sucking on Tanya's tongue made me so jealous I thought my skin would turn jade. I pushed that away quickly.

"Well, good for you." I said. This time I meant it. I wished I could rely on something to distract me from the pain but I knew it would be with me for a very long time.

"That's everything, I suppose. I promise not to bother you again."

"Goodbye Edward." I whispered. I was losing to my grief but I had to hold it off just a little bit longer. He wouldn't see my tears.

He hesitated for a while, extending his hand as though to touch mine. I saw sadness fill his eyes. That almost broke me… but I didn't allow it.

"Oh, Edward," I had to give him one for the road. "I'm not mad at you for leaving me; am just mad at you for not giving me a warning. Normally, I like to be kissed before I get fucked."

I turned my back to him and started walking away. He hadn't moved an inch yet. I could still feel his presence. I'm sure my vulgar language had shocked him. I was barely ever rude to anybody but I didn't care.

"Bella…" I heard him say. If I turned, I wouldn't be able to leave so I just kept walking. Save my little shred of dignity, I told myself. This simple line kept me walking. Walking away from the last shred of hope I had. Walking away from my love; away from my life; away from… everything.


Bella has a new personality. i hope its not too repulsive. this is my first fanfiction so please bear with me

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