This idea popped into my head...I thought it was pretty funny and I hope you do too. Please review
I was in my Porsche, en route to the office when my cell phone chirped.
"Yo," I answered.
"Ric! I need HELLLP!"
"Celia? What's wrong?" I could hear screeching in the background.
"ARG these kids are driving me NUTS. I need ONE night BY MYSELF and I'd REALLY appreciate it if you would babysit for me tonight. Please Ric? Pleeease?"
"Can't drop them off at madre's house?"
"NO. she's going to the opera tonight. Come ON Ric."
"Can't Jasmine and Erin handle it? They're 14."
"Remember the last time they babysat? They almost burnt the house down! PLeeeeeeese! Think of all those times I bailed you out of trouble."
Shit. I really didn't want to babysit. Celia had four kids. Twin girls and two boys. They are death on babysitters, but they cut me some slack because I'm their favorite uncle. "That was years ago, Cee."
"SO? Come ON. I don't get to do ANYTHING anymore now that Felix is gone. Please, Ricky? Please?"
Great. She used the guilt-gun. Her husband Felix got scared when the fourth devil-child was born three years ago and fled the country, leaving Celia high and dry with unbelievable debts.
I sighed. I didn't have any work tonight. I had been planning on a nice, relaxing evening at home. "Fine." I growled.
"THANK YOOOOOOOU!" I winced. Only a former cheerleader could do that.
"What time should I be there?"
"SIX! Omigod THANK you Ric! You are the BEST brother EVER! I almost committed infanticide here. See you tonight!" and then she disconnected. Probably the only person who could hang up before me.
I pulled up to the curb in front of the bonds office. I saw Stephanie inside and smiled to myself. Maybe tonight wouldn't be so bad after all.
I sauntered in the office and mentally enjoyed Lula's reaction to my presence. I stood close to Steph, hand on her neck, leaning into her.
"Babe, I need a favor. Let's talk," I said and walked out, knowing Lula and Connie would be snickering at each other, imagining all kinds of smuttyfavors I could be asking Steph for.
I leaned against the Porsche and watched Stephanie stop in front of me. God she was hot.
"What's up?" she asked.
"My sister drafted me to babysit herkidstonight. Wonder if you'd join me." I said, almost dreading her reaction.
Stephanie burst out laughing. "Batman finally meats his match. You can't deal with kids, huh?"
"Her kids are the spawn of the devil," I said.
"How many kids does she have?"
"Four. The twins are 14. They're names are Jasmine and Erin. The middle kid is eleven, his name is James, and the youngest is three. His name is Felix." Celia named him before his rat of a father took off.
"I don't know, what's in it for me?"
I threw her a wolf-grin. "Bedtime is at nine." Actually, I had no idea when bedtime was, but I felt I should make something up.
Stephanie's POV
Hmmm babysitting with Ranger? Nine o'clock bedtime? That I didn't believe. No fourteen-year-old girl would go to bed at nine.
"Are you sure it's okay with your sister?" I asked Ranger. I guess it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I could grill him about his past.
Ranger inclined his head a fraction. "It'll be fine."
"Okay then, sure. What time?"
"Six. I'll pick you up. And let me warn you that when I tell her that I'm bringing a woman my whole family will know in less than a minute." He said and then left.
Oh boy.
At five fifty five I strode out of the bathroom, fully dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, hair toweled dry. I wondered what Ranger told his sister about me, and if his family knew already. I grabbed a jacket and my shoulder bag and walked out of the apartment, down the stairs, and into the lobby just as Ranger's Mercedes was pulling up to the back door.
"Ready to rock and roll?" He asked me.
"Actually, I'm kind of scared."
"You have no idea what you're getting into, Babe."
Gulp.
Ranger drove past the Burg, into Hamilton Township. He pulled up in front of a nicely built brown house with a nice front yard. There was one of those seven-foot-tall basketball hoops on a plastic stand in the driveway, a kid's tricycle on the lawn, and chalk drawings decorated the sidewalk.
We walked up to the door, avoiding random kid's toys, muddied shoes, and a skateboard. Ranger rapped on the door once. The door opened and two girls launched themselves at Ranger, catching him around the waist, making him stagger backwards.
"HEEEEEEy Uncle Ric! Long time, no see!" They yelled.
He grinned down at the two girls. "So your mom doesn't trust you, eh?"
Both of the girls stood back and grinned up at him. All three of their grins were disturbingly similar. "Not since last time when Jazz almost burned down the house," said the one on the right. They were completely identical, except for they're clothes. The one on the left had on jeans, converse sneakers, and a sweatshirt. Her dark, straighthair was pulled into low pigtails and she was wearing a bandana pirate-style. The one on the right had on a pale blue mini-skirt and a halter top.
Lefty turned to her sister, "No WAY, Erin. You're the one who left the stove on, you prat."
"Hey uncle Ric!" A little boy appeared at the door way. He was shorter than the two girls, with silky dark hair and the same tan skin as his sisters. He had another little boy attached to his hand. "Ricky!" yelled the small one and latched onto Ranger's leg.
The two girls looked beyond Ranger to me. Damn. I was hoping to stay unnoticed.
The one with the bandana grinned at me and stuck her hand out. "Hey mom told us Ric was bringing his girlfriend. I suppose that's you. I'm Jasmine, but you can call me Jazz." She said.
"Eh..well…I'm not his girlfriend." I said, shaking her hand.
"Wife? Maid? Fuck-buddy?" she asked, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
I was about to answer but I was cut off.
"WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE, YOUNG LADY!" A woman I assumed to be Ranger's sister appeared. She looked to be in her forties, and was taking the years well. The family resemblance was obvious.She had eyes like Ranger's but lighter in color, short dark wavy hair, and a body even Terry Gilman would be jealous off. It was hard to believe this woman had given birth to four children.
"Celia, this is Stephanie Plum," said Ranger, his hand at the small of my back, "We work together."
Celia smiled sweetly at me and shook my hand warmly. "It's so nice to meet you finally."
I smiled at her. "It's nice to meet you." I said.
She glanced down at her watch. "I'm going to be late, thank you SO much Ric. Really, I owe you one."
Ranger wrapped his arms around his sister. She was only about an inch shorter than him. "You're going to owe me more than one, sis," he said with a grin.
"Yeah right. This is payback for everything you owe me."
Ranger waved as Celia drove off in her mom-car.
"This is going to be fun, Babe," Ranger said to me.
"Sure." I said.
James was in front of the TV, playing a video game where you're on this planet called Halo and you shoot aliens called Grunts. Felix, the smallest, was on Ranger's lap, chattering incoherently. The twins were at the dining room table doing homework, and Ranger and I were sitting on the couch.
"Hey Ric what's for dinner?" Jazz called from the dining room table.
"Can we order a pizza?" asked James without looking.
"Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!" said Felix.
"No way! Mom said I could cook dinner." Yelled Erin.
"The last time you tried cooking dinner the house almost burned down, remember?" said Jazz
"It was your fault."
"Nuh-uhn."
"Yeah-huhn"
"Nu-uhn"
"yeah-unh."
I looked at Ranger. He just smiled.
"I'M COOKING DINNER!" yelled Erin.
"NO!" yelled Jazz.
"YES!"
"NO! I'm calling Pino's"
"YOU BETTER NOT!" Erin chased Jazz into the living room. Jazz was standing in front of the couch with the phone.
"See? I'm dialing."
"Jazz MOVE! You're in my way!" yelled James.
Jazz stepped to the side and Erin lunged at her.
"Give me the phone!"
"No! Your cooking SUCKS!"
They were wrestling on the floor, scratching at each other. Erin was trying to get the phone and Jazz was trying to dial.
"Get OFF OF ME you hippo!" yelled Jazz.
"Give me the phone!"
Felix started to cry.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Ranger. The room went silent. I'd never heard Ranger yell in my life. Felix stopped crying, Erin and Jazz froze, Erin still sitting on Jazz's stomach. James went on playing his game.
"Erin can cook dinner and if it sucks we'll order a pizza." Said Ranger with a smile.
"HA!" said Erin to her sister. Jazz grunted and shoved Erin off of her. "What kind of pizza do you all want?" she asked.
"Hey!"
"Well we need to know these things 'cause we know your cooking sucks."
Erin didn't answer and walked into the kitchen. "I'm making chicken!" she yelled over her shoulder.
"Yuck," said James.
"Yuck," said Jazz.
"Ick," said Felix.
I looked over at Ranger. He smiled at me. "Yeah, Babe, the whole night is going to be like this."
Fun.
