This wasn't possible.

There was no way that this could be happening.

First of all, Dean is a guy.

Second of all, if this is happening, Dean hoped that he would have at least gotten to have sex first.

And that was the thing: he hadn't. Not since the apocalypse started. And maybe he doesn't have a period to miss that could clue him in, but he doesn't think it would take that long; it had been 8 months since the last time and he was barely showing.

He'd only noticed something was off a few days ago. Last week, he'd gone out drinking. Drank so much the whole night had turned into kind of a blur. That might have been a little suspicious to him, but when he had woken up, Cas had been the only one there. When Dean asked what happened Cas told him that it hadn't been much, just the general embarrassing ranting of a man who was drunk off his ass. And if Cas hadn't thought it was a big deal, then it couldn't have been anything to get pregnant over.

It made sense when he woke up the next morning and poured what felt like all of his innards into the toilet. He got over it; that's just what happens. He decided not to drink for a while after that.

Which is why it was a little weird when the next morning was a repeat of the previous one. And the next. And the next.

Dean just assumed it was a stomach flu or something.

Sam had given him a look, but hadn't said anything, when he made a mashed potatoes and gravy and turkey and peanut butter sandwich. Dean didn't really know why, but his appetite had gotten a little weird. It tasted good, though. So much so that Dean ended up eating enough to get a little belly from it. Or that was what he told himself.

Cas had been absent lately, so Dean jumped a little when his random appearance interrupted the delicate process of coating pickles in ice cream and wrapping deli-sliced chicken around them.

He looked positively gleeful.

Dean was instantly suspicious.

And that's how they got here. The conversation had gone a little like this:

DEAN: What's up?

CASTIEL: I've spoken to my Father.

DEAN: No way! That's awesome. Right?

CASTIEL: Yes. It is very... "Awesome."

DEAN: What was it about?

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: I mean, it's not every day you get to talk to God... right?

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: This is your first time, too. It must have been a big deal.

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: ...What?

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: What was it about? You're making me kind of nervous, here.

CASTIEL: ...You remember a few nights ago? When you became inebriated?

DEAN: ...Yeah. What about it?

CASTIEL: My Father has informed me. He is very pleased. You are with child.

DEAN: ...

CASTIEL: Dean?

DEAN: ...

CASTIEL: This is a good thing. The Lord loves babies.

DEAN: Cas...

CASTIEL: Yes, Dean?

DEAN: How did this happen? I haven't even had sex in... Oh my God, this isn't some kind of Immaculate Conception thing, is it? I'm not giving birth to Jesus, right?

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: I am not giving birth to Jesus. If you don't tell me what's going on right this instant, I am getting this thing aborted.

CASTIEL: It's not Jesus.

DEAN: Then what the Hell is it?

CASTIEL: ...Youaregivingbirthtomychild.

DEAN: What?

CASTIEL: ...

DEAN: Cas...

CASTIEL: When you are inebriated you become very... Persuasive.

DEAN: ...

CASTIEL: Dean?

DEAN: ...

And a few more "Dean?"s, which were met with silence. Of course, when Cas finally left, Dean's stomach let out a growl and he returned to his pickle wrapping.

When Sam returned to the motel that night to find Dean asleep in a puddle of ice cream next to a giant pile of melt-y, chicken wrapped pickles, he shook Dean awake and finally addressed his concerns. Dean didn't take his, "I don't know how, but I think you might be pregnant," very well.