A/N: This is my first Drew Carey Show fan-fiction. I'm setting it before Kate and Drew have begun to date. I'll try to focus on as many characters as I can with the idea I'm putting forward, but the main focus will eventually be on a more human side (and far less creepy) of Lewis Kiniski.

I know DCS fan-fiction isn't a big draw but I hope people at least read this and notice the other stories that can be universal. That being said I'm still working on my Bones fan-fiction and that gets attention more than this one. But if I manage to write a chapter for Bones every week and I have time (a rare case) I'll be updating this one. That being said... Onward!))

CHAPTER ONE

The office phone rang. Again. Again. Again. All the while the office clock ticked away. Drew could hear it's clicking sound. He had been listening to it since nine o'clock this morning when he first showed up for work at the usual time. Mr. Wick had made an appearance and fired Johnson using a Bingo machine and a carnival balloon game and three darts. Everything was routine in the mundane life he was leading, except for the explosion of color that usually sat behind him: Mimi Bobeck.

She usually kept him on his toes with the usual pranks and vice versa. In fact, at the present moment she was currently in the bathroom trying to wash out a blue stain on her dress that he had caused by some expertly placed paint, a coffee mug, and a squirt gun. Ah, the things you could think. After she was hit in the chest by the staining liquid she had cried out and claimed that she had to go to the ladies room to wash it out, Drew had made a comment like 'don't get it all messy with your paws' and that had been the high point of his day. His usual weekday at work.

The phone rang again and this time, Drew answered it. After all, he couldn't spend too much time basking in the glory of his prank or else Mr. Wick or Mrs. Lauder would find out and he ran the risk of being fired, despite having worked there in the same position for years and years.

"Hello. Drew Carey. Assistant Director of Personnel. Can I help you?" Drew said his usual speel, tilting his head to the right as he held his white phone between his shoulder and ear as he riffled through his paperwork. "This is about my pitch for a Winfred Lauder employee lounge?" Another quiet and a comment on the other line made Drew stop flipping through papers. "It's been accepted?!" A giant grin and he slammed his hands on the table at the next comment, rising to his feet. "I've been promoted to Director of Personnel?!" His eyes wide behind black rimmed glasses he said the next comment with exuberance pumping his arms. "I have a hot, skinny, easy girlfriend!?" With the same grin on his face he yelled out the last line. "April Fools Day isn't for six months Mister Wick!"

Just then the British boss' head poked out from his office door, smiling, his own black phone held to his ear. "Sorry Carey. Just call that dress rehearsal for the real thing." And the door closed as Drew slumped back down at his desk.

Luckily his sulking was short lived as Mimi Bobeck came trudging in her blue eye shadow and black mascara streaking down her soaked face. Her blonde hair and wig parts soaked to the bone with water, and some other unknown components of her face painting soaking the collar of her bizarre dress. With a loud growl she stopped right behind Drew's chair, he spun around with a calm little smile that was followed by a fake pout.

"Aw.. What's the matter Mimi? When you turned on the sink did the water spray up instead of down as if someone tampered with the nozzle by going to Home Depot and picking up a new one and replacing the only working faucet in the women's bathroom with the trick one just minutes after lunch?" Drew gave another horribly pleased smile. "Just a lucky guess."

"Bite me!" Mimi snarled, moving to her desk and plopping down as she tried to wipe off the mess with her handkerchief.

"Oh can it Mimi." Drew shook his head and turned back around to face his desk. Taking off his glasses he moved to wipe them with his suit coat. He always felt the need to do that when being forced to look at so many colors that should cause blindness when he had to look at her. "We get to go home in about five minutes." Sliding his glasses back on, he leaned back in his chair. The last five minutes were often the quickest.

"Pig!" Mimi called out as she reapplied her bright pink lipstick with a huge purple mirror that she had pulled out of seemingly nowhere.

Just then the phone rang and Drew felt himself cringe and kick his desk in annoyance. Five minutes until he could go home and of course someone would call him, and he had a good hankering of who it was. He practically pulled the entire phone and its compartment off his desk. "Listen sir. I get it! My life is a big circle of crap! I don't need a daily reminder THANK YOU!"

Just then Chuck, the short African American security guard appeared in his cubicle clasping a black cell phone in one hand and his other hand was holding something on the other side of the flimsy wooden wall. "Glad the guy hiring all of the people I'm working with has a stable head on his shoulders."

"Oh Chuck. Hey!" Drew said, suddenly feeling very embarrassed as he rose to his feet, a nervous silly grin on his face. He stuck out a hand for a handshake which Chuck noticeably did not take. He instead proceeded to stare at it as though Drew was holding out a baby's head. Drew promptly pocketed his hand, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "What can I help you with?"

"I was making my rounds in the department store when a clerk paged me with a problem." Chuck announced, still staying rather close to the edge of the cubicle.

"Oh yeah?" Drew tilted his head in question.

"Yeah. We had one of these things sleeping in dressing room number three." Chuck continued, and after that statement he gave a yank of his right hand and a little girl came stumbling out from behind the outer wall of the cubicle. She looked about six, her brown hair a mess, and her overalls were quite worn and obviously too big for her, probably not even hers. Her brown eyes were focused down on her dirty tennis shoes that looked about ready to fall apart. "Asked her where her family was she said she didn't have one. After I yanked her out of the dressing room she stopped talking." As Chuck went on he noticed the girl becoming increasingly uncomfortable, but the poor little thing was being held in place.

"Damn it." Drew whispered beneath his breath. Leave it to Winfred-Lauder to get stray kids running about. "So what am I supposed to do?" Drew demanded of Chuck who just gave a shrug of his shoulders in return.

"The word is she probably came from foster care. Ran away." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a ticket stub. "I'm worried Drew. This here is a bus ticket from Florida. If she's a runaway our only option is to call the foster care board and trace her."

Drew looked to the child and then back to Chuck, clearly out of his element. "Then what?"

Chuck's watch then beeped. Letting go of the small girl's hand he pressed a button silencing it. "It's five o'clock my shift's over and so my worry leaves with it. G'night Drew." And before Drew could argue otherwise, he was gone, leaving the little girl with him.

In his state of panic Drew reached for the phone, hurriedly dialing a phone number that he had pulled up on his computer. Giving the little girl, whom was now sitting in the large chair across from his desk that practically dwarfed her, a little smile he tapped his foot impatiently as he waited for someone to pick up. "Hi. Center for Foster Care my name's Drew Carey and I work at Winfred Lauder and..." He stopped short and blinked. "What do you mean it's past five and you're heading out to drink?" Another blink and he looked even angrier. "What do you mean you're closed for the weekend?!" His face turned a bit redder. "What do you mean I sound whiney?! Well... Ma'am.. How does THIS sound?!" And he slammed the receiver down. A bit out of breath he looked back to the little girl who stared back at him in silence.

Drew was antsy and nervous. Nearly everyone had left for the day besides Mimi, and Wick just wouldn't care, so the issue was left on his shoulders. And to make matters worse, Mimi came out of her bear cave to talk to him.

"Someone left this poor baby alone?" Mimi cooed in a voice that made Drew cringe. God help any child that was stuck with Mimi. "Poor thing. What are you going to do?" What's this? No quip? Drew swallowed. Should he be expecting something or was she actually behaving in front of the little girl.

"Well, no one's at the Center for Foster Care until Monday..." Drew began, the little girl had wrapped her arms around her legs watching the two of them as though they were a television show.

"You can't leave her here pig." Mimi said suddenly with mouth slightly agape, as if in shock that he would even think of it. Though he was a pig he still had some limits. "I can't take her. I have a date tonight."

"God help that poor animal." Drew wouldn't even wish Mimi on a kid he didn't know, so he wasn't about to suggest that she take her, but he'd give her that little bit of satisfaction. "I guess I have to take her... Until the weekend." Drew sighed, now looking back to the little girl who now had a file on her lap. "Don't touch that. I need to finish the store's quota by tomorrow.." Drew said gently, reaching across the desk for the file only to stare at the paper that he had picked up. "It's done... It's all done." In awe he looked up to see the little girl clasping a pencil. She had filled it out? This little girl had done math that was often trying on Drew who had been doing it for years!

"Wow pig. Leave it to you to get stuck with children of the corn." Mimi scoffed, glad she had dodged that bullet before leaving.

Drew's eyes shifted from Mimi shaking her hips, a sight that made him want to vomit, back to the small child. This was going to be an interesting weekend...